Maybe, maybe not

Feels good to vent on here lately. Gotta think out loud some way to work the thoughts out and examine them.

Never expecting others to agree with me. Hell, I don’t always agree with me.  lol

I don’t know what the future holds. The optimistic side (if I can call it that) within is keen on keeping an open mind about unforeseen variables. Nada es impossible. Though, it’s not clear how we figure that shit’s going to change for the better while we’re not paying close attention. Not on the day-to-day political back-and-forth shenanigans necessarily — just in trying to gain a better understanding of where we as a nation have come from; what history in general (assuming one can locate a morsel of genuine history) has to teach us humans; what our psychologies involve; what social trends over the last century or two have pushed society to where it stands currently, etc., etc.

Instead so often we choose to entertain ourselves to death. I know I’m guilty of this. Which is kind of understandable for those of us who don’t kids and thereby don’t feel as invested in the future of this country (gene pool ends here). Hard to imagine not wanting to learn about this life. It’s frickin’ fascinating. Even while acknowledging America cruising toward becoming an Orwellian/Huxleyan totalitarian state (as we’ve seen on the horizon for years).

Hell, my Papa assured me as a teen that a civil war will occur during my lifetime. Was he right? Who knows? Guess we’ll find out.

People like Mike Cernovich are right in some ways too (much as I used to not like the guy, I’ve found his twitter feed worth reading in the last couple of months). Some finessing could be done on the part of Republicans. As with the supreme court nomination — he’s probably right that the Christian woman would’ve been a better (and more qualified) selection for the position. Plus, it would’ve been the politically strategic move if we’re back up and look at how much easier she would’ve been to try to defend in the court of public opinion right about now. Yeah, I get how that can seem like kowtowing to Democrats, but you’re not talking about selecting a Democratic candidate, just one who wouldn’t be treated like a lightning rod for Leftist projections (i.e., a white, pro-life man who attended Yale). Is that fair? Well, that depends. Am I suggesting white men deserve to be overlooked? No, not necessarily, but we are a multiracial society and there undeniably is a lot of resentment at this point in history toward how much power white men have wielded in high positions of this country up until now. That’s just a fact. Women (generally speaking) are pissed off at men (especially white men). Black folks have their grievances. Hispanics have theirs too. As do Native Americans. Legitimate concerns even.

Power’s about to be transferred one way or another. Accusations of racism and sexism are all the rage right now, as we all know. And there are so many balls moving at all times — so much to keep up with, so many battles to fight. I wasn’t keeping up with supreme court picks and wouldn’t even be aware of all this drama if not for becoming a Twitter addict since the summer, so I’m not familiar with the lady in question or how she stacks up against Kavanaugh. No clue. Just sayin’. If she was equally qualified then Trump could’ve saved the public a headache by going with her instead. Instead we’re caught up in a neverending she said/he said contest dating back to 35 years ago, resulting in people who only skim headlines assuming Kavanaugh to be a schmuck. That’s not right and that’s not fair if he’s innocent. He probably didn’t need this headache either.

But when it was Clarence Thomas it was possible to garner a bunch of public support because he was a black conservative man. Identity politics at play, sure, but how is it to be avoided, especially now compared to back then? From what little I know of him he sounds like a good judge, so he deserved to be defended (assuming he was innocent of the allegations made).

That’s the other thing: we’re talking about sexual assault and harassment here. These are most difficult cases to prove typically. So much occurs behind closed doors that others are not and cannot be privy to directly. Even if you talk to someone afterward, it’s still one’s word. Unless the act is caught on camera, what proof really exists (except where great physical violence was done)? These are tricky matters that get me thinking about Orwell’s book Nineteen-Eighty-Four where he describes the sexes divided, behaving hostilely toward one another. What sex they engage in imitates rape because all romantic bonds have long-since been broken. Hence why it was such a big deal that Winston and Julia decided to steal time away together in private and learned to love one another. That was forbidden. They were tortured on account of it. This is what I’m pointing at when harping on about how sex segregation (pushed by “MGTOWs,” Muslims and some feminists alike) being such a bad idea. And yet…

Do you see what I see?

An intentionally antagonistic situation is brewing that is being actively stoked and encouraged by mainstream media and university departments. Race and sex are at the forefront. People are buying into some of it because they’re indoctrinated, but also part of it because some of the rhetoric is true. Or at least it’s not completely wrong. Leaving aside what can’t be done about the past. We’re confronting a bunch of ideologues (with more on the way) who are utterly obsessed with ushering in a more “equal” arrangement. Granted, I understand that much of what we see is coming across as outright discriminatory against white men — true. But here we stand today. People are at least tired of seeing the same old, same old, whether they’re going to wind up with it in terms of politics as usual or not.

Mike Cernovich brought up a good point about how some of these folks view Trump literally as Hitler. Yes, that’s bizarre, especially considering Obama was just as bad, as were the Clintons, as were the Bushes, etc. He’s a continuation on an old theme, though it looks a bit different since he’s from the business world and is best known through tabloids and television shows. But that’s what they’ve convinced themselves of, so they’re going to fight dirty ever chance they get in response. That’s what you do if you honestly think you’re fighting fascism. Are they deluded? I think so, but my reasoning can’t penetrate most of them. Tried plenty in the past and failed.

(As an aside, I’m coming to take Jonathan Haidt’s words in his book The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion more seriously with each passing day. Our values stack up differently. Leftists place more emphasis on the “care/harm” value whereas conservatives embrace a wider and more equally distributed set of values. Plus, we’re driven by our emotions first, reasoning/rationality second.)

It does help to try to understand where one another is coming from, at least generally speaking and so far as we’re able. Are Leftists taking much time to try to comprehend conservatives? No, I’d say more honest investigation actually runs in the other direction. But still. Know Thyself. Then know your enemies.

Not sure if we’re taking this one to the streets, considering how the most vocal activists on the Left tend to live on the West and East coasts, leaving the Midwest and South with the densest populations of conservatives. We’re living apart for the most part, at least in terms of our most radical fringes, though also in regards to our neighborhoods/communities too — so that much of our discourse can’t help but take place online (aside from the years we encounter each other on college campuses or in schools). Hence why censorship online is such incredible BULLSHIT and deserves our attention and push-back. THAT’s a concern we need to focus on, not whether a guy pulled his dick out back in college (who didn’t? Ugh! It’s like fighting air!).

And yet we get swept up like it’s the Macarena every. single. time. We fall for drama so easily. Hard not to get caught up in it. They certainly have our number and know how to distract us well.

Gotta train ourselves to keep our eyes on more important matters. Bitching at one another gets us where? So many act like they’re scared of the System, yet they want to try to use this System to usher in what changes they want to see. So we all fight and squabble and vote and conduct our “2-minutes of hate” ritual on the regular, and what happens? That System we’re all worried about continues growing, continues doing whatever it ultimately wants regardless of what pressure we the people put on it in our fragmented state. Not winning. Just being manipulated and lied to and tossed a carrot every once in a while to occupy us for a spell.

We’re easily played. Truth be told.

What can be done about this? Well, we can try to boil down what matters most and focus there primarily. Freedom of speech, of a free press, and to assemble as we choose are numero uno priorities to me. Because without that, we got nothing. That goes for ALL of us. Across the board. If we can’t even defend that then we might as well hang it up. We’re done as a country and should get ready for a new totalitarian reality since it’s right around the bend. Are things going to get worse before they get better? Oh yes. Hence why it’s so shocking to me how many folks out there don’t seem super worried about any of this and are contentedly going about their lives and watching their ballgames as if nothing is happening. Blows my mind.

That’s just it. Maybe that’s where we are and we’re just struggling to come to terms with it. For nearly two decades we constantly hear people talk about needing to wake others up, and this is as far as we’ve gotten in 2018. I try really hard not to get too down about it, to accept that humans have a penchant for needing to learn every goddamn thing the hard way. C’est la vie. Somehow have to forgive ourselves for this enduring folly. But perhaps this is precisely why empires always fall and always will: the people turn soft and grow more concerned with raiding the public coffer than actually upholding fundamental principles. So, down Rome topples. Maybe it can’t be any other way. Bread and circuses stole the show. Comfort and ease lulled us into such a deep sleep that some would prefer to live in a virtual reality if it meant keeping that dream going. Scientism and transhumanism have taken hold in our collective imaginations, leading people to relax into the dream that technology will eventually set it all right.

Are we a bunch of cowards? Probably. What are we about? Relatively petty shit most often. Are more going to wake up? Likely not until it’s too late. Humans like to dwell in the stream of least resistance. Some will ride that their whole lives if you let them. (Hence why universal basic income doesn’t sound like such a good idea.)

So then what? That’s the million dollar question. Might be in people’s best interest to learn more about ourselves, one another, history (from many angles), and to learn to discern what values ultimately matter most. Freedom of speech is the scaffolding for all the rest. A free people don’t exist without it. For a bunch of misfits who take issue with authority figures, it’d be in our best interest to figure out how best to rule our own selves. As individuals but also in relation with others. We’ve received the government we deserve based on how we’ve chosen to live and what we’ve been willing to tolerate (both historically and present-day). We lost our ways and now are being dragged. Leftists might appear to be winning, or at least waging a hell of a fight, but in the end we’ll all lose. There’s no winning where we as a society are headed.

Reckoning with the American future

I’m about to post up some videos in the next entry and want to give a little background on myself before doing so.

To begin with, the topics he discusses in these videos aren’t entirely a new inquiry for me. Just that I’ve been trying to turn my back on it for a few years now, distracting myself with other matters. Because I don’t know what to do or how to act in the face of that reality presented.

In my late teens, my ex-husband introduced me to information that solidified my libertarian stance and heightened my distrust of the American government and its federal agencies.

In August 2005 Hurricane Katrina struck, and I rushed down South to deliver supplies and to check on my people, only to later learn that the National Guard was blocking people from transporting supplies down to Gulfport/Biloxi and New Orleans, saying the Red Cross wasn’t able to handle receiving and distributing those supplies (for some ungodly reason, nevermind that the Red Cross received more donations for that disaster than they did after 9/11!) — and that’s something I learned firsthand from a National Guardsman after trying to transport all the bottled water and food I’d brought for my family that turned out to be unneeded in their town. I waited in line with so many others, some with flatbeds full of supplies, having driven hours with no place around to fuel up, and all of us were turned away and told to take our stuff as far north as Jackson. Even those who brought boats down with the intention of helping rescue people or recover bodies were turned away. And yet, many months later the local, state, and federal government officials still hadn’t been able to greatly improve conditions for people down that way. Two years later the Mississippi coastline still laid in ruins (aside from the casinos which had money to rebuild). Yet they wouldn’t let the people of this country come in and take care of our own. Oh no, couldn’t do that. [To be fair, they did eventually allow church groups to come in and help strip out moldy carpet and furniture for people, which my Papa and aunt participated in.] They could bring Blackwater (renamed Xe and now Academi) in to patrol the streets of New Orleans and aid in confiscating lawfully-owned weapons from the people, basically in an act of Martial Law — that they could do. Guess they didn’t want too many witnesses hanging about while they violated those people’s rights and did a piss-poor job of helping folks.

On a side-note, I’d like to go on record to say FUCK THE RED CROSS. I will never ever again donate to that corrupt organization. They did virtually nothing to help people down there and then had the AUDACITY to decide to pocket the donations they received for that crisis, claiming they’d put it toward “future disasters.” Yeah, right. All I saw them do down there was hand out coffee. Seriously, fuck them.

Then in 2007 I got into something that changed my way of looking at things once again. Don’t want to go into too much detail here right now, but when I got back to town I began intensively researching my government’s activities, spanning back several decades. This consumed a good bit of my attention for 2-3 years. I read everything I could find. Lots and lots of news stories. Read Naomi Klein’s book The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism, which if you haven’t read it yet, I strongly urge you to do so. Sniffed around Alex Jones’ site until I recognized him for the charlatan that he is. Watched Lou Dobbs until he went fruit loops. Delved into the writings of Chris Hedges, a former war correspondent. And I was still attending college until graduating in late 2008, mostly studying Criminal Justice by that point. Even some of my CJ professors were highly critical of what was becoming of American police forces.

Just began looking into damn-near everything I could, and it wound up freaking me out and breaking my heart. Forever changed the way I look at my country and my government and everyone employed in its service. I was already skeptical beforehand, but delving into that abyss spit me out straight-up paranoid. During that time, beginning in 2008, I also became involved in the local peace community to protest the wars.

And then in 2011, I just lost my heart for it all. Walked away. Set it all aside the best I could. Decided to continue doing what I can in my own life to not feed this beast anymore than I had to, and basically just took off going my own way. Left the peace community. Said “fuck politics” and aimed to tune it all out. And that’s what I’ve been doing ever since.

But it fucks with my head to just let the world burn and pretend like I don’t care. I do care. It troubles me everyday whether I want it to or not. I just don’t know what to do. When I try talking to people, as I always have and still sometimes do, they often react like I’m the enemy or crazy or just some misguided rabble-rouser. Even members within the peace community kinda viewed me that way, most of them being liberals prone toward optimistically believing this system can be fixed. Couldn’t relate to my fellow students on these matters, couldn’t relate to feminists on these matters back when I interacted with them, and the few people I can relate to on these issues are basically in the same boat I’m in. We don’t know what to do. So we just go about trying to earn a living and learning what we can and tending to our own lives (and voting, for what little that’s worth anymore). Most of my friends don’t care to think about these things, nor do most of the family members I keep in contact with. My attitudes and views are considered “extreme” because I have no faith that this system can be bolstered indefinitely. And I am frequently called “pessimistic” and a “downer” on account of it. Led me to holing up in my apartment a lot of the time ever since about 2012 (that being one reason among several). I’m tired of being the bad guy and don’t know how to communicate on these matters with people who fiercely refuse to even entertain these notions. My best girlfriend told me back then that the things I talk about “scare” her [though, in fairness, she has taken an initiative since to learn more and to be skeptical, which I’m proud of her for]. Hell, I’m scared too. But people would rather you entertain them and tell them what they want to hear and focus on trifling bullshit that matters not one iota. That’s what most people want, I’ve figured out.

So I stay alone a lot more now and wrestle with these thoughts in my own time. I can talk with my best guyfriend about them, thankfully, but he’s one of the only ones nowadays. Everybody else is consumed with shopping and alternative medicine and playing on Facebook and basically pretending that whatever is wrong with this country isn’t so terribly bad and eventually will sort itself out. So I turned to youtube and my beers and said “fuck it” for the most part. If they don’t care, why should I? Well, because I can’t help but care. This is just my nature to analyze everything that comes my way and to empathize and worry.

I say all of that because I’ve been wrestling inside with my conscience which tells me I’m not doing what I ought to be doing. Not sure what I ought to be doing, but tuning out isn’t it apparently. And I doubt I’m ever going to have any internal peace until I figure out where I ought to be directing my energies. Not interested in movements much anymore though. Found groups to be stifling and fraught with groupthink. And I imagine my little contributions won’t amount to much, but I suppose every little bit helps. So…that’s what I’m reckoning with and brooding over in private these days.