Talk about pathetic (on the topic of “hobbyists”)

Ya know, no human is an island.

Had a lot on my mind for a long time. Used to write anonymously, trying to work out the emotions. Now feeling the need to just go ahead and pipe out loud and in the flesh. Feel the need to confess what I’ve been up to, and also feel the need to talk about stuff that messed with my head.

The sex industry, at least on the escorting level, has been on my mind since the day I first stumbled across it when I was 21. Taught me all sorts of things, both good and bad, about myself as well as others. Haven’t felt like saying a lot on the subject because I still and probably always will have a lot of mixed feelings. But one thing I know for sure is that so-called “hobbyists” are a fucked up lot. Men who bond with other men over the use of women as sexual props is a very weird thing to observe, and anyone can get a glimpse of it on the boards of TER and TBD (those being the most popular national sites).

Funny thing is I happen to see a bit of an overlap in the mindsets of some of the folks on YT who group up under the men’s rights cause but who really only use that as a cover for bonding with other men over the bashing of femininity. Sick way to get your jollies, if you ask me.

Because I met my share of hobbyists and learned that their online personas usually were 180 degrees from their real-life actuality. Found out a lot of them are some of the rudest, most unattractive, most petty, and most concerned with the opinions of other people than all others I met both in and out of that so-called “hobby.” They had money, but not much else, especially in the way of bringing quality to any situation. I found those particular men to be so consumed with their status as men in the eyes of other men that they played these elaborate games and really worried over the online politics of their little groups. The women they paid for sex and attention were secondary, and I don’t even think half of them truly enjoyed their time with us, or at least not in the way common men did. It’s like they were always thinking about what they were going to run back and report to the rest of the herd in their fantasy-laden reviews. Made them feel big, bigger than they actually are, because so far as I could tell many of them were lower than nearly anybody else out in society.

And before somebody gets it twisted and thinks I’m picking on men in general, understand that I visited with men from various walks of life who were in all kinds of situations, sporting all kinds of attitudes and personalities. I met men with serious health problems who just needed affection from someone who’d take up time with them one evening or on a regular basis. Met men who just wanted to have a good time and leave it at that. Various levels of attractiveness and friendliness. But what I found and remain glad to have learned is that plenty of men I might have previously mistaken as not being my “types” or not being appealing on the surface turned out to have a lot to offer in terms of personality and spirit. After getting to know the people in mind here, I came to appreciate a much wider spectrum of men and to not be so quick to judge a book’s cover, so to speak. So when I speak about “hobbyists,” I am speaking about them particularly, separated off from others who don’t deserve to be tarnished because of the behaviors and shallowness of those jackasses.

Hobbyists treat women like some sort of team sport, something to partake in because all the other guys are doing it. Not for their own pleasure and desires, sadly. Because they’re petty and overly concerned with how they stack up against other men they wish they could be like. Well, normal guys out and about in society may share those views from time to time, but they aren’t consumed with that one-upmanship mentality when it comes to “conquering” and bonding over women. Not bonding with, mind you, but over. Gives them some trifling sense of power, of meaning to a life that otherwise is apparently devoid of it. It’s true objectification carried out by men who can come up with nothing better to aspire toward.

Thankfully most of my clients weren’t like them and regarded them as a strange lot too.

Perhaps knowing people like that has bittered me a bit toward those on the online “manosphere” who act in similar fashions. Kinda reminiscent. Figured I’d point it out. Maybe I’ll go into more detail on the topic another time, as in discussing how they’re rats who’d snitch on anyone else to save themselves from decisions they willfully make, or how they occasionally openly confess that they’d want better for their daughters than what they come to you for, or how they sit on the phone kissing ass to their wives while you lay on the bed beside them. Because it’s all about keeping up appearances in their little worlds. Yet you, the whore, are the bad guy, the “home-wrecker,” the “cheater-enabler,” the one deserving to be looked down upon by all of society.

Another funny thing is how many of my clients were Republicans and Christians, some even actively involved in their churches (and it goes without saying that nearly all were middle-class and the majority were married). Hypocrites. All about appearances.

But I was there and I saw and listened and was impacted.

Yeah, maybe I’ll feel up to talking about that some other time.


Later in the day… Returning with a thought that deserves mentioning, for levity’s sake. Five of the worst clients I can think of off the top of my head actually weren’t hobbyists. They were lone jerks, which the scariest types of people often are. Hobbyists aren’t known for being violent (from all I knew or heard about them), just disrespectful in their typical ways and consumed with petty bullshit. But they are also active reviewers who are concerned about being reviewed in kind. So a bad review against them could lead to them being blacklisted, and they know it. They’re just monied bro-club members caught up in ridiculous fantasies mostly.

It’s trifling, but they are changing the face of the online escorting community, and not really for the better. I don’t doubt currently-working escorts would speak in their defense, but that’s to be expected when those guys can be counted on for bringing regular income. Guess it’s fine for those who don’t mind working for weasels. It personally taught me how some folks, no matter how much money they offer up, don’t really deserve to get laid. It is possible for a man to get spoiled in that stupid game and to grow an overinflated ego that just makes him a big pain in the ass, and I probably wouldn’t complain if the game didn’t involve younger women trying to take care of themselves. Gets to a point where it’s as soul-leaching as any cubicle job can be IF you play it their way (though much more so if you wind up badly harmed or exposed to extreme exploitation, which happens far less frequently among indy escorts who attract and screen clients online). Potentially corrupting for all involved.

God, I’m tired of people. In general.

Would rather be single than stifled

Partner called tonight and reminded me for the 10,000th time why I’d rather just be single now. Plenty of things I appreciate about the man, but one I do not is his anti-intellectualism. When I say “anti-intellectual” that is precisely what I mean — he’s incredibly dismissive of anything and everything he personally isn’t knowledgeable on. Worst of all, he hates to read. HATES to read — and he’d tell anyone that outright. Says schooling gives him a headache and considers nearly anything I bring up on topics that you’d have to read about in order to become familiar with to be a complete waste of time. Totally pointless — everything I like to think about, everything that keeps me searching in this life — totally non-worthwhile in his view. Can’t discuss even the simplest shit, and heaven forbid he just listen about something he’s not familiar with—Oh hell no! He’s gotta butt right on in with his opinion on everything, right from go. And then we wind up shouting over one another, and I get pissed, and the topic winds up abandoned since he didn’t care to hear about it in the first place. Doesn’t directly pertain to him = unimportant. Period.

Won’t read a book unless it’s a cookbook. Won’t read an article. Most of what he thinks he knows that didn’t come directly from hands-on training (as in mechanical operations) he picked up from television. And then, lo and behold! The son of a gun goes off talking shit about people with college educations, as if that must be the problem right there, we assholes who care to take time with information before leaping to rash assumptions and warrantless declarations. The problem is me and “my kind” apparently, not him, never him.

In that way he’s a great deal like my Papa, may he rest in peace. And that’s one of the most aggravating features of my Papa, to be honest, in how he tended to look down on those who are better educated, he only having finished an 8th-grade education. But I understood growing up that my Papa was jealous and was tired of being talked down to by men who thought themselves automatically better than him, and I sympathize with that. While he encouraged his kids and grandkids to pursue college educations, he was also quick to remind me at least that I’d better remember where I come from. And I always do. I learned long ago that there are many, many, many topics not worth broaching around Papa, because he has an opinion on plenty that he knows little about. And I learned to keep quiet on plenty around him, because it simply wasn’t worth the drama.

BUT, when it comes to a man I’m dating, no, that shit doesn’t fly. I still reflect back on the first time I attempted to read something interesting out of a book to my partner during our first year together and that leading to a fight, because he doesn’t understand it and I believe is unsettled by his ignorance. But rather than try to listen and learn, he lashes out and treats it as so much rubbish, no matter what the topic is.

Tonight the argument sprang from me telling him about this Suicide Epidemic article I’ve been taking up time with recently. Shouldn’t have been an argument but somebody can’t listen and feels he must interject to state that anyone without a terminal illness is just weak and is “copping out.”  Ugh. I tried breaking down the stats to him, but he kept talking over me to where I doubt he heard any of it. This infuriates me. I was calm before, and now I’m riled, and this is pretty common between us. And naturally, one of the last things he said before I let him go was something smug about how his community college training must not qualify him to hold an opinion, which is just bullshit. Always a smartass quip, a snarky passive-aggressive rebuttal. Can’t just listen for a while — never that. Nope. Gotta forcefully jump in and make sure I’m cut down to size for having that fancy bachelor’s degree. So dumb. So, so irritating. And so completely unproductive.

Why raise my blood pressure for that? Why? What for? What does it ever prove? I tell him that learning is a choice and that a college education isn’t required, but whatever. It’s not what he wants to hear. He’d simply prefer I stick with light-hearted shit that he can easily digest and that be that, but that’s not fair to me. So we’ve been living very separate lives on some level despite staying together the last 3 years. And then what does he do? He gripes about me being online so much, because the internet is foreign to him too. But this is my home and my computer and this is my life that I finance on my own accord, so what’s it to him? I don’t like staring at a television for hours on end, but that he has no problem doing. So I say go do your thing and I’ll do mine, and we’ve gravitated apart from one another.

I don’t know how to entertain him, and what entertains me is a stone drag to that man. Well, that’s not true. We do enjoy playing darts and pool and those Megatouch games at the bar. We both enjoyed the shows “Breaking Bad” and “Malcolm in the Middle,” and I don’t mind watching cooking shows with him. But it came to feel like that’s all the together time we really both enjoyed. I love to watch films, yet he can’t stay awake through a movie to save his life (we’ve maybe watched 2 together before I gave up and chose to watch them by myself). We used to listen to music together in the beginning, but that too went away, some of what I like not being of his taste.

So we have very little in common and very little to converse about. And always the excuse comes back to him being tired after a hard day of working, and I am very sympathetic to that, but dammit. I’ve known plenty of blue-collar workers who can be engaged with on a wide variety of topics. When my partner comes home he wants beer or vodka and tv and that’s about it. And I want more out of life than just that.

It just sucks that the pleasure I derive from learning has to sour him to such an extent. Why does he find it so distasteful? Just because he doesn’t understand it? Is that all? Then why couldn’t I share it with him? Why does he see it as some sort of competition where he’s put on the defense just because these things are outside of his realm? Is it my fault that he lacks curiosity? No. So why must I censor myself to accommodate his desire to remain oblivious? Ugh.

Saw the red flags pertaining to that early on and didn’t heed them because he can be such a sweet guy. But in the end it’s stifling and I’m left feeling like my own inquiries are a complete waste of time and don’t matter. And that seriously bums me out. I don’t have many people in person to interact with on a wide range of topics, whereas he has plenty of other friends he can go shoot light-hearted shit with. But the push has been for me to keep it to myself in this relationship. But this is my home and this is my life, so no. No. That’s not fair and that’s not right.