Concluded that my fellow Americans aren’t about shit and this country is bound to fall

Chanced across a video today by Bernard Chapin where he was venting some frustration over Justicar‘s take on libertarianism and the notion of taxation as theft. I listened to and read both of their arguments and responded, but then I got distracted on the phone with my companion and relayed to him some of my own frustrations with modern life in America (as he so commonly puts up with, bless his heart). And in his own way he basically brought some (the most relevant part anyway) of Justicar’s logic down to the ground (without ever meaning to, him not being online and knowing nothing of these people I speak of occasionally on here) where we could consider it in a way that makes sense to us. And this has proven beneficial tonight.

Basically, I first took an interest in looking into expatriation beginning in 2008 and settled on the country of Ecuador as sounding most ideal in terms of what I’m looking for. Back then I did a ton of research and bought books and tried learning a bit more Spanish (not as if I don’t have a hard enough time with the English language) and even went so far as securing a passport for the first time ever. Still haven’t had an opportunity to use it, considering that same year I created my own small business/sole proprietorship/self-employment venture (no employees, just me) that’s kept me occupied ever since. And it’s a good job that I was blessed to come up with the idea for, pretty much out of the blue in fact, probably stemming from my love of animals and having done something similar for a few years when I was a child (just for fun, not even charging people back then). Anyway, life happened, I got with my companion and he has no desire to move anywhere, so I started trying to get used to the idea of settling down here in this state that I moved to back in 2006. Well, we’ve since determined we’re not sufficiently compatible for an exclusive romantic relationship and I’ve been left wondering where to go from here, what I desire out of life. And routinely all throughout I keep jabbering about Ecuador and the city there that I’ve set my sights on.

Tonight was no different, and he prodded me to seriously consider the possibilities, and now my imagination is running wild. He’s right that nothing really ties me down. In fact, I’m less tied down today than I was in 2008. Still have student loan debt looming over me, but I can’t afford that regardless, so whatever. The rest of my debts are settled, including my automobile. Been living fairly frugally in this small apartment, squirreling away what I can over time. It’s dawned on me that it truly is within my power to set off in a different direction and to explore more of life than can be afforded in this city where I forever feel like an outsider. I’m still relatively young (32), still in decent health, no kids (nor any desire to have any), so what’s stopping me from figuring this out?

There’s obviously a great deal I appreciate about the United States, but I have been watching my country slide toward fascist totalitarianism since my eyes were first opened to it as a teenager under the Clinton administration. One of the things I continue to appreciate so much about my ex-husband was how knowledgeable he’d been brought up to be on topics relating to government, our justice system, and transgressions against the citizens’ liberty. His family had its definite downside, but they were smart and aware in that department, and he transferred some of that on to me. Colored my world ever since, on top of coming up raised by a libertarian/conservative stepfather and a family full of conservatives (not aware of any liberals/leftists in it, in fact). The principles of freedom sank into my imagination fairly early on, and I have been stoked to think deeper and harder on these issues throughout my 20s on up to today. And I took up the initiative on my own most especially beginning in 2007 to really get down into it and to learn what my government is doing with our tax dollars and in our names. Broke my fucking heart to sit with all that material, and it was probably that which initially wound up forcing me out of identifying with feminism because I could not speak to those people about these things and be taken seriously. Then once I branched out and started communicating directly with people in this city, including those I volunteered alongside with in the peace community, I learned that my views aren’t apparently too terribly popular in liberal circles in the U.S. Midwest.

Part of the matter is my mannerism was developed (and half-bred) in the Deep South, especially considering I lived there solidly until age 8. Not exactly compatible with Midwestern (German/Scandinavian-influenced) sensibilities, you might say. That’s been how it looks to me anyway.They click up here and I clack, so it seems. *shrugs*

Sadly enough, down South many people have come to regard welfare as more important than liberty, Mississippi being such a poor state. I feel like I grew up watching the last glimmer of the spirit of the South die out, and that too disturbs me to no end. Call it nostalgia for a bygone era, fine — still sad to see previously industrious and agricultural people reduced to being, on the whole, not a lot better off than the fate that befell Native American populations placed on reservations. American history marches on…

What am I saying here? I’m saying that I’m so tired at this point, in 2014, of watching people roll over and take it and feeling like I too have no out to where my interest in expatriation is being renewed. Reminds me of a quote already posted elsewhere on this blog:

“There are a lot of exiles in this world. Each one has his own reason; we have ours. Long before we left America, the America we knew left us. We travel not to get away from it, but to find it.” — Bill Bonner, expatriate

That’s how I’ve come to feel about the Deep South AND the U.S. as a whole (sans slavery).

So anyway, people are right. There’s no point sitting here arguing with nearly 300 million other assholes over shit so many apparently don’t feel inclined to actually do a damn thing about. Good to finally settle that. Now I’m reinvigorated to raise up what funds I’m able so as to travel elsewhere to see what more this life has to offer. Because sitting here among these jackasses is getting none of us anywhere. We can fight and bicker and bitch until we’re blue in the face, and it seems that’s all most are even interested in. Well I’m not. I want something else out of this life, something more. I want to keep striking out and taking risks and exploring. My fellow Americans seem to think this is the best life has to offer, but I disagree. Undoubtedly there’s more options out there than simply sitting here working and paying in taxes, drinking and drugging in an attempt to escape reality, feeling like a powerless drone within a system that couldn’t care less about any one of us aside from extracting our earnings to feed its appetite for ever-increasing control and dominance.

NSA-Listens-ShirtmockYa’ll lost me completely at NSA. For real. Completely.

I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. It feels virtually impossible to have a life of real substance when surrounded by so many people who would slit your throat if they thought it would either benefit or entertain them. This has become a country of hyenias laughing at our destruction, all the while pretending like this somehow is “progress.”

No. America lost its way a long time ago. I’m not sure when exactly but signs point back to around the WWI-WWII era. I recognize that a lot of the changes have occurred due to the rise of industrialization and technology, but it’s come to consume us as people to where we don’t seem to recognize human values anymore. Everything’s become about the all-mighty dollar, and our politicians completely sold out to chasing that long ago. We common citizens can’t even begin to compete with corporate lobbyists and whatever they’re pushing for (not that any 3 of us can agree on much so as to join forces in an effort to do so). It’s a losing battle, folks. And I’ve recognized this for long enough.

Are conditions truly better elsewhere? Who knows? Depends on where you go and what you define as “better.” I’d love to see factions within the U.S. branch off into their own little reservations and declare sovereignty, but ever since the tragedy at Waco (not to mention how Native American reservations are dragged into the fold irrespective of those people’s wishes) people are skittish about trying that. Would be good for us though, I do believe. Anything would be better than living as a mindless consumer and slave to this system. In my heart of hearts, I want to live productively, I want to help grow food and work with people in a sane fashion. I want to maintain an honest sense of autonomy, not just wishful thinking.

This is why I’ve increasingly come to question the rise of civilizations. Maybe in fact they aren’t all they’re cracked up to be past a certain point. Looks that way. It’s disgusting to have to sit here observing the consequences of power grabs by people who will never be satisfied, incapable of ever being satiated. No amount of power will ever be enough for those who aspire in that direction. So to hell with them. Live and burn as you so choose, if that’s all you care about. I want no part of it anymore. I want out. Somehow, some way.

And maybe it’s a pipe dream on my part, but at this point I don’t even care. Just to work toward something else sounds so much better than trying to content myself with this maddening nonsense. I can’t do it anymore. It’s literally driving me nuts.

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4 Responses to Concluded that my fellow Americans aren’t about shit and this country is bound to fall

  1. Zach Brown says:

    Hopefully prior to this fall, I will have relocated to Nebraska.

  2. Zach Brown says:

    I think what I was trying to say is that my preference is for the United States to remain intact for a sufficient timeframe for my return to Nebraska after the conclusion of my current course of study (and likely temp. work in September as well).

  3. Zach Brown says:

    You had referred to the ‘fall’ of the United States, and I was referring to that ‘fall,’ although the timeframe of my relocation will also be the fall. I just hope it is not the fall of the ‘fall.’ As in the autumn. I will stop now.

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