March 2014 update

Haven’t been putting this blog to use in the way I originally intended. Haven’t dragged (edited and polished) hardly any info from my old blog and haven’t been transcribing enough excerpts from books. Boo on me. The reason is due to personal stress. But hopefully that’s turning around. Transitions can be rough, that’s for sure.

In a weird limbo with my companion where we’re technically back to being single but we still have a lot of feelings and aren’t looking to move away from one another. Just trying to give the romantic expectations a chill while learning to be friends of sorts. We each mean well but are just such different people, and hopefully friendship will prove more healthy and less stressful.

Kinda sad to shift this way though. Change isn’t always easy.

Been trying to play catch up when work is available. January and February tend to be slower months, and now March is kicking it up a notch since spring break sent folks off on vacations.

Natural-born “insomniac,” if we’re to call it that. Sleep is great when I can get it. If I had it my way, the day would never begin before 9am, preferably 10am.

Haven’t been into making videos lately because frankly I’m not sure how to put into words some of the topics on my mind. Not sure how to express these thoughts and ideas in a way that may be worthwhile to others. Been doing a lot of thinking on the perennial topic of what’s best suitable for human life in terms of how we’ve evolved to be. In other words, are we in modern times aiming to cram a square peg through a round hole by requiring people to adapt to the changes societies have underwent? My answer is yes, and I’m not convinced the modern conception of civilization will prove sustainable. Many feel similarly regardless of whether they consciously are aware that this disconnect between who we are and what’s now being asked of us is where much of our anxiety stems from. Viscerally, many seem to know something is askew, though we tend to attribute it to personal circumstances or political chicanery or any number of social influences and frustrations. But it’s bigger than that. It’s the whole web humans up to now have woven that’s fundamentally proving problematic and incompatible with our basic values and needs. That’s my thinking on it anyway. To be fleshed out in greater detail going forward.

I keep reminding myself that the best use of my free time right now would be to go back over books I’ve read and gotten something useful out of, and hopefully I will. Currently am still reading Dr. Peter Breggin’s book Toxic Psychiatry, recently finished listen to Alvin and Heidi Toffler’s audiobook Revolutionary Wealth and G. Edward Griffin’s short audio on The Creature From Jekyll Island: A Second Look at the Federal Reserve (available to read free online), and today moved on to Dr. Thomas Szasz’ audiobook The Myth of Psychotherapy. Listen to the audio while I drive and carry a book around with me for when time permits to get in a page or two here and there, like during lunch or when sitting select animals when it’s feasible or when waiting in lines.

Been wanting to comb through past works I’ve read and to transcribe portions of interest and plan on getting back into that soon enough. I figure others might like tidbits to give them a taste of what content a book has in store, plus I benefit from reviewing the material.

But tonight is winding to a close. Busy week. Early mornings and a scattered schedule throughout the days. Just the way it goes in my world. In and out and round and round the town. Can’t complain. Beats being be trapped in a cubicle for 8-10 hours a day.

One big gripe I have at the moment is I’m officially heavier now than I’ve ever been before. Not good on my joints or my little feet. Part of me doesn’t care since I’m not interested in attracting sexual attention at this time, and part of me does care since I am concerned about being relatively healthy. The battle wages on in my mind daily. But cycling in place at a gym resembles a hamster exercising in a wheel. Doesn’t feel terribly productive. One activity I do enjoy that keeps returning to mind is weed pulling. And I happen to own a couple nifty tools for the job that my people gave me as gifts. Been thinking once spring rolls around about asking homeowners if they wouldn’t mind having some removed.  Can’t guarantee your lawn won’t look like a gopher got after it, but the weeds will be removed. ha  Pulling weeds actually helps me work out frustration and pent up energy, odd as it may sound. Not claiming it to be strenuous exercise, but anything that’s calming and lowers cortisol levels is a stab in a better direction right about now.

And spring is right around the corner — I can feel it.  flower

One last thought for the evening: I still can’t believe it’s 2014. Damn. Amazing how time boogies. I look at something from 2005 and think of it as if it was yesterday. The ’90s are decidedly in the rearview mirror, half a lifetime ago for me, but still not that far back. That the ’80s are already feeling classic, even to me, is kinda disturbing. Everything prior was before my time, designating me as a youngen to most I deal with and an old’ne to those belonging to the latest generational focal point in a society obsessed with youth.

Getting older with each ticking moment. Such is life. That’s both hilarious and mystifying.

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