A woman who never learns

Had a rude awakening this morning at 4:30am. My mother texted freaking out because my 28-year-old brother moved out on Saturday without giving her any notice. She came in from work and found his shit packed and gone, and he hasn’t answered her calls since.

To which I thought: good for him. About damn time.

I gave him a jingle this morning to make sure he was all right and he texted back to say he was fine and that she had basically expected him to support her, to which he refused. He said there was no easy way to break it to her, so he simply moved out. Honestly, I’m surprised this hasn’t happened much, much sooner.

During her text-fest in the wee hours of the morning, in which she didn’t give a damn about anyone else’s need for sleep before heading out to our jobs, she admitted that she had actually quit her full-time job back in July. That was news to me. I’d known she had taken up some retail positions but assumed they were side-jobs, but no — she up and quit her job, claiming it was “boring” and difficult to make friends there, without any preparation put toward replacing that job with another form of gainful employment.

Such is the immaturity of my mother, now in her 50s. This is how she’s always been and likely always will be. As I told my uncle earlier today, there’s no point holding our breath waiting for her become more independent. She’s always had someone take care of her, and she’s always complained that their provisions were never good enough.

So this morning she blew up my phone griping and complaining, crying about how she’s done so much for her son despite owing him thousands of dollars and quitting her job and relying on him more and more to provide for them both. My brother has never truly broken free and experienced a life of his own outside of the control of his parents, and it’s a sad shame. Everyone I know thinks so as well. But I learned a long time ago that criticizing our mother in his presence didn’t go over well, so these were lessons he had to learn the hard way. Maybe now he can finally date and have female friends over and perhaps go on a trip to somewhere of his choosing and run a household of his own. Maybe now he’ll have a real chance at gaining independence and learning to look out for himself without their brand of protection looming over him.

One can hope. I texted her back after she bombarded me with text after text while I was trying to sleep to tell her that it’s 5am and this is a conversation for another time. And I also stated that she does indeed owe him money, so… ya know, whatever. She’s been sapping him and others for years, with and without their knowledge, and there comes a point when the buck must stop. I’m somewhat surprised that she decided to text me about it (notice though that she didn’t call — we haven’t spoken on the phone in years), considering how poor of terms we’ve been on since forever. Did she think I’d sympathize with her, after everything’s she’s done to me? Ha! Ludicrous bitch. She contacted me because she needed $400 to go toward next month’s rent — that’s what it was really about. And while I’ve been down this road with her many, many times over the years, it still does bother me a little that she remains so incredibly irresponsible and dependent on others and then turns so cruel once they no longer provide what she wants. My brother was a model child who did what they all wanted him to do. If he doesn’t please her, no one can, certainly not me. The woman only comes to me when she wants something, though I’m not one to cave and give into her, having thoroughly burnt that bridge over a decade back. She’s a wicked one. A me-me-me type who can’t see beyond her own whims and wishes.

A part of me can’t help but feel a little bad, probably because I possess a functioning conscience. But regardless, to help that woman is to throw money down a well. It does no one any good, not even her. Not that I have the money to give her, though I could probably scrounge some up for someone I truly give a damn about. But not her. She fretted over being rendered homeless due to my brother’s actions — not due to her own, mind you. Setting aside for her own future needs never made any sense to her. I’m not the world’s greatest with woman, but I’m fortunate to not have inherited her complete lack of responsibility in that department. How hard is it for an able-bodied person to keep a roof over their head and an automobile? I always managed to do so, even back when I was young and starting out and didn’t know how to navigate — back when she wouldn’t lift a finger to help me and actually laughed at my troubles. Her callousness back then taught me to figure it out, and I suppose I have. Never gone homeless or car-less anyway. She undoubtedly could figure it out too if people would ever let her fail for once.

It’s kinda weird having such a spoiled, ungrateful bitch for a mother. People want to talk about gold-diggers and say things to me as if I am naive, but I know a wannabe gold-digger up-close and personal. And I never wanted to be like her. Doesn’t matter what people say or how many like to argue about what a woman is capable of — personal experience on that level was a life lesson-and-a-half. Not claiming to be virtuous or to have all that much figured out in this life, but I know enough to recognize who and what I do not ever wish to become.

I doubt that woman will wind up homeless. She’s too prone to stealing to let that happen to herself. Wouldn’t be terribly surprised if someday she wound in jail though. Because she’d rather take from others before she put in the effort herself. And that’s all I’ve ever really seen out of her. She’ll put in a little effort and quit, then go crying back to someone to care for her until she’s upset with not receiving enough and tries to move on to something or someone else. She never did get very far at that game though. Seems to me if you’re gonna play at that sort of shit you at least ought to be good at it. But no. And that’s where I can’t help but feel pity on the woman. Sometimes I really do wonder if there’s something wrong with her physically that makes her that way, because it doesn’t make a lick of sense. She never learns.

So, that’s that. She might be back around to pester some other day, or to gloat once she’s regained her footing since she loves doing that. It’s just a cycle that repeats on and on and on. I’d like to see it end, though admittedly I prefer she not have to be hurt by whatever comes her way. But I suppose it takes going through pain to want to change. Lord knows she’s put plenty of others through more bullshit than she’s worth. I wash my hands of this.

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