Byenia, supposedly full of rage

Navel-gazing. Sometimes I think it’s underrated.

Someone said to me recently in person that I seem “full of rage.” Hmm. How does one respond to that? Is it even true? Guess it depends on what we mean by “rage.” No, I don’t feel terribly rage-filled, at least not at this point in time, though I do get irritated a good bit. Must all anger be equated with rage? I’m a disgruntled person, that’s a given, but such is life. Not everyone out here can be cheerful in the face of what all we see going on around us. Realizing there isn’t much of anything that can be done to reverse seemingly problematic trends adds to the frustration. A measure of comfort comes from the belief that this is just how life cycles on, that stopping it would be like trying to stop the wind from blowing. Impossible. Gotta learn to live with it.

You know what I don’t understand is how people are trying to police what emotions one another ought to be experiencing. Our emotions are no longer free either? If I’m not harming anyone physically (and have no kids around to damage psychologically), am caring toward animals, am not engaging in “road rage” to such an extreme where people’s lives are placed in jeopardy, am not planning on blowing anything up or shooting anyone — then what does it matter if I’m an angry person? If there’s rage simmering down inside of me, so be it, it’s mine to deal with. For plenty of folks such feelings are earned honestly, so what’s the point in this public press for suppression? So that people never feel free to let on how they may be feeling inside, leading those who are in danger of snapping away from seeking help and airing their grievances? And what’s the good in that? Aren’t we better off being free to acknowledge our feelings versus feeling pressured to push down the “bad” and play up the “good,” living like actors at all times?

But people prefer we make them comfortable rather than be our selves. If who I am or what I’m dealing with makes another person less than perfectly comfortable, I am apparently in the wrong. Huh. But that makes me uncomfortable, does that matter?

Come to think of it, what she assumes is rage is likely just my bewilderment.

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