A video from Eric Orwoll:
Interesting that he wonders if he’s a sociopath. It’s crossed my mind about him before, but then he always seems so sensitive and compassionate. Guess a sociopath can be sensitive as well, but is the compassion purely theoretical? I doubt it.
Then again, what are these labels? Approximations? Terrific. Still doesn’t tell us a whole hell of a lot. Heck, by some of what Eric said I’d by that criteria be considered a sociopath too. Am I? Who knows and who really cares? My emotions and empathy are genuine, that much I know is true. But I really dug what he was saying about coming into Christian teachings and having to wrestle with his impulses and grasp that there are higher moral callings. I get that and began tangling with that at an early age too, and I as well think it’s proven beneficial. Because I need to morally check myself on a regular basis — just that naughty apparently. On some shit I’m very predictable, on other stuff it’s a risky bet. Can’t say where I’ll take some things if provided the opportunity. Depends. With some matters it’s pretty certain, in others it’s not so much. Some disdain it as compulsiveness, but there is more to it than that, though that has come to factor in in my case.
There I’m referring mostly to my sexual inclinations. Some have stated they consider my way of being an abomination, to which I can only cackle in reply to. What can I say? Why must a person validate their own life choices in the eyes of the majority of people in order to be granted a modicum of respect?
Prostitution isn’t that goddamn big of a deal. It’s certainly a unique way to earn a living (or it was, at least in its outright form), but it’s not the bastion of Sodom & Gomorrah in modern times any more than most shit is, both legal and illegal. Truth be told. Money isn’t the only currency souls are sold for these days, though that’s a biggie since we all gotta keep jobs. Such is life. When looked at on the broad spectrum it seems to me most employment these days plays out, to varying degrees, similar to the worst forms of prostitution — sex isn’t the only or even the primary way people sell themselves today. And how happy are they? How truly content are they? And what drugs are influencing one’s perception? I honestly want to know and examine this in myself routinely. Won’t claim to be “living right.”
Just a few personal thoughts for the evening. Since I’ve been stuck on stupid pretty regularly when it comes to assessing my romantic life, while experiencing serious cognitive dissonance over who I’ve been up ’til now and who he wished for me to be. I slide back and forth, but the jury remains out on the verdict.
No one told us life would be easy.
Back on topics mentioned in the video, I too have often said that I’m so grateful my grandparents showed me love, because without that I probably would’ve turned out to be a worse person. Values my Grandma instilled in me mattered, and even those I reject have an impact and offer contrast. Churches did little for me, but her teachings stayed with me and informed my young, and now aging, mind. That was a blessing even though I abandoned her religion nearly 20 years ago. Still offers up some worthwhile stuff to think about and be challenged by.
All in all, Grandma in her own way infused morality into me, and Papa did so as well when he led by example. That was a priceless education in its own right, IMHO. Because I’ve seen what my imagination can conjure up and already learned a bit about how low I can go so as to be able to recognize the importance of setting limitations. That boils back down to self-governance as well as life-affirming and sustainable social and cultural bonds and influences, whatever they may be, however many which ways this might need to break down. The individual can only do so much within a society where the majority of people cave to shallow priorities, entertainment, and unworthy leaders. And eventually we all turn a bit nihilistic, I’m coming to believe.
[Update Aug. 21st, 2014: Edited for typos and greater clarity.]