Your sex is on fire

Unfortunately I had to hear this song again today. The last one I could stand before leaving the bar this early evening, having stopped up for a few drinks after my gym appointment. Decided to upload it since it’s left its mark plainly enough on my psyche.

Ted Bundy spoke in his final hours (plus my thoughts on pornography and violent programming)

“Serial Killer Ted Bundy: Final Interview – Only Hours Before Execution – Full”:

[Dammit. Just figured out that second clip begins repeating the whole interview around the 8-minute mark. (And the first of these was cropped in an annoying fashion.) The original video of the full interview I’d found and posted up has since been removed from youtube, so we’ll have to work with this until a better version is uploaded.]

Ted Bundy has interested me since I was about 18 and first read Ann Rule’s book on him titled Stranger Beside Me. She actually knew Ted personally from way back when and struggled to accept the allegations against him were true even while writing that book. But his own admissions soon thereafter erased all of her doubts.

He’s the kind of man the death penalty remains in existence for. Because, as should be obvious to anyone, he did not possess self-control and was psychologically demented on such a level that rehabilitation and re-entrance into society would have never been possible. Though I am glad that in his later years he took time and effort to explore why he had done what he did to all those people and then came out pointing to factors that contributed to his depravity (while clearly stating his family life had not expressly been the culprit).

But I didn’t post this up just to lambast this man any more than has been done already. Actually, I share this interview because a part of me has always been fascinated with this man’s thought process and actions for reasons that make me more than a little uncomfortable in my own skin. In short, on some level I get how and why he became a monster, and I share his stated view that coming up exposed to extreme forms of violence and hardcore pornography does unarguably impact and damage our imaginations and psyche, whether we’re conscious of it or not.

I say that as someone who watched anything and everything violent and grotesque out of curiosity, beginning when I was too young and continuing on until fairly recent times. My own imagination has been darkened and distorted on account of such exposure as well, and perhaps this is partly due to underlying personality traits that make some of us more receptive to entertaining destructive fantasies, as Bundy pondered on as well. He had the benefit of a pretty good family and home life and had access to quality educational opportunities that he took advantage of — and yet, even those ‘safety nets’ proved insufficient in his case.

Now, in my own case, I do not harbor fantasies anywhere near as destructive as those he carried out, nor have I ever behaved violent on a scale even remotely similar to what he was convicted of. BUT, I have nevertheless been impacted, partly even by learning of this man’s story. Back when I first began studying up on Ted Bundy during my young marriage, I grew extremely paranoid of men in general and opportunistic attackers particularly. My first response was to draw drastic contrast between myself and men of his ilk, wishing to clearly demarcate between a psychology such as he possessed versus my own. But in the more than a decade since beginning this inquiry, honestly the lines have become more blurred. Continue reading

“Spiritual (Existential) Suffering”

A very good video by Professor Anton:

On the topic of agency, yes, that’s the word I ought to stick with too instead of saying “free will.” Thought about that in relation to videos I’ve created, wishing I hadn’t put it like I did, because none of us are truly and fully free. Our minds are impacted by so much around us, by our families and wider communities and greater society and other societies, by art and popular media and music, by laws and expectations foisted upon us, by the environment and our own inborn limitations, etc. So the word “agency” holds much more water here and gets the idea across more accurately that we do possess however much power and can choose to whatever extent to act on it.

The rest of the video hit on so many good points. On the topic of the afterlife, I’ve personally never had a whole lot of use for the notion, though I do play with the idea at times. My Grandma very strongly believes in heaven and has a tough time imagining hardly anyone winding up in hell after dying, her Christian views being a bit more compassionate and merciful than what we typically see in the mainstream. But the way she tells it is you have to work on improving conditions in this life where you’re able so as to be admitted to heaven, or to at least have “God” be proud of you and satisfied with what you’ve tried to do. That’s an important aspect of the religion that unfortunately seems to be falling to the wayside now that people are jumping on the Evangelical bandwagon that directs more attention toward recruiting more followers and impacting legislation. In the case of the Evangelicals many seem to believe they are simply destined to a heaven in the afterlife due to asking their “Lord” for forgiveness, and I used to watch the hypocrisy in this assumption play out in my hometown down South where people would behave awful toward one another all week, spreading lies and gossip, fighting and fucking each other’s partners, then go into church on Sundays and ask forgiveness, only to walk out feeling like they have a clean slate they can go back to scribbling hell on. That’s a damaging way of looking at it and it lets people off the hook, so to speak. And it’s attitudes like that that poison what remains of major religions.

But me personally, I won’t claim to know anything one way or the other about the afterlife, assuming there is such a thing. For all I know our souls will wind up reincarnated into other lifeforms, or perhaps will dim with our dying bodies and serve the earth as worm food. I’m okay with either possibility. But we won’t know until we’re there, and by then it’s too late to come back to share the news with others. So, I do tend to turn my attention to right here on earth and the question of what it would mean to create hell or heaven on earth. In my thinking, hell appears like a much more concrete reality than heaven — as in the formation of hell being well within our grasps. Whereas I see heaven as more of an ideal we aspire toward and perhaps can never fully arrive at, and that’s okay, because it’s through that striving and the diligence required that our lives become infused with meaning and purpose, both individually and collectively. In other words, the notion of creating a sort of heaven on earth calls for vigilance and a mind toward both justice and mercy, and that means challenging ourselves deeply and honestly as well as one another. Heaven in this sense becomes about a process, not a place or a destination. It’s a working toward that if we don’t remain mindful of, we default back to heading in the other direction which culminates in the creation of hell on earth.

Think about it like this: hell can be brought about by not giving a damn, by not lifting a finger, by walking right past injustices without caring to take notice, by allowing apathy to block our hearts and minds. We can create hell by simply being selfish to the point of ceasing caring about the welfare of others, or by trying to force our will onto all others. This is what is meant by the idea that the paths leading to hell are wide and varied, as opposed to the path leading to heaven being narrow. This proverbial path to aspire toward the creation of heaven on earth requires effort, introspection, and care taken, whereas we can travel on the roads to hell as passive passengers. Do you see how that works? The formation of something like heaven on earth can’t be achieved by sitting back and doing nothing or by hiding our heads in the sand, though such approaches can easily help push us toward creating hell. Different paths calling for totally different strategies and levels of cognizance. At least that’s how I’ve come to see it.

But then I try never to forget that the road to hell can also be paved with good intentions. What this means, I think, is that we can be misguided and biased and thereby blind to the potential consequences of what we’re aiding and abetting. Plenty of ideas seem good on the surface, but when we scratch deeper we realize how dangerous they might be if manipulated in the hands of people lacking integrity and fortitude and who are more interested in serving their own selves at the expense of others.

A modern example of this was president George W. Bush expanding the powers of the executive branch of government disproportionately, under the guise of protecting our nation after the 9/11 attacks. For plenty of people, many in my own family, this seemed to them the right thing to do at the time, and they turned away from the warnings that future presidents will be able to utilize that expanded power as well, and that once power is attained it does not concede itself. Meaning future presidents might be tempted to use such power in even more horrific ways, and that sets up an even tougher battle for citizens going forward to get a leash back on our governmental system. Now, I could go deep and wide into this topic and level all sorts of criticisms against G.W. Bush and Obama and other presidents who came before them who also helped paved the way for this, but I’ll save that for another time. The important point here is that knee-jerking into going along with self-serving schemes in the short-run can lead to travesties on down the line, and this is why we must remain vigilant and strive to become as well-rounded as we’re able in order to seek balance in our minds so that we can question our motives and intentions and protect the principles that matter most. And we Americans have roamed a long ways from home in that respect.

Hell, for me, involves slavery of various forms because humans wind up reduced down to utilitarian value — objects serving others’ ends. This necessarily causes me to be critical of any and all economic schemes and political setups, as well as the direction of civilizations in general. And it is because of considerations like this that I dream of what I’ve referred to as “10,000 communities and clans going their own ways,” because it opens up so many possibilities and allows for innovative approaches to governance and trading and resource allocation and utilization. A one-size-fits-all, top-down approach cannot do this — it is authoritarian by its very nature and morphs to become totalitarian as more and more power is centralized. It is forceful and coercive and demands conformity, even (or perhaps especially) when it is corrupt and leading its citizens toward demise.  I try to dream outside of that box in wondering what power we might have and how we might could use it going forward. How we might create saner lives through the formation of saner communities that are held together by saner objectives.

But when societal change doesn’t look likely to occur in a real and positive way during my lifetime, I turn my attention to what I’m doing and who I’m affecting — what is within my sphere of influence. And here I’ve made many mistakes and hurt myself and others, and it is a very heavy burden to carry. But I believe if we hold on to one another with love, that’s something. If we can help one another get through this life and do what we need to do and stand up for what we need to stand up for, that’s something, and it isn’t trivial. Gotta start somewhere. Even when we fail, gotta get back up and gotta keep walking on. Nobody promised us a rose garden… If we don’t grow it, who will? If we don’t try, who might? If we can’t love, we’ll never fully appreciate the “thou” in ourselves and others. And without that, the sacred is diminished and we keep sliding toward hell on earth.

The bitterness and pain is nearly impossible to block out some days, but it’s not a punishment put on us so much as it’s just a fact of life that calls for a courageous response, hard as that is. So much is easier said than done, especially when we do not know where to apply our efforts and we’re injured so thoroughly spiritually and psychologically that all we want is comfort and escapism. That’s the present dilemma as I see it. It’s a tough call, and courage doesn’t come easy. We suffer, yet we have to be mindful of how pain pays forward. We have to be mindful of what we’re doing if ever we are to break the chain so as to create something else in its place. And we do need support from one another as we reckon with this reality and what it’s asking of us. That boils it back down to being about love and recognizing the needs of the soul (as Prof. Anton mentioned, the difference between “sickness of the soul” and “health of the soul”).

Unfortunately some folks out there are too embittered to do anything but laugh at a message such as this, believing it to be naive rambling of little consequence. But they likely are blind and biased — there is no reasoning with them. If they are to be won over, if that’s even a possibility, it will have to come through our works commanding respect. Basically showing them another way so that they might be touched by it and not just words on the subject. This is why love matters — it’s about devoting time and energy to one another, trying to learn more about one another, honoring the inherent worth of one another, and thereby creating a draw for cooperation going forward. If we continue trying to use one another to serve our own ends, we harm each other and break people’s spirits and cause them to distrust us, because they know underneath it all we do not really care about them. They are just fodder intended to serve our own interests and nothing more, and that is a form of slavery. If others recognize themselves as disposable in our eyes, we have harmed their spirit and undermined their value and contributions, and that is not fair. More than that, it’s poisonous and generates apathy in people aiming to escape that sort of reality. And on and on it will go until we pay heed and work toward breaking the chain as we are able.

It is a very sad day over here, so I expect to do a lot of writing in days to come. This is my therapy, my reaching out, my attempt to connect my dreams and understandings with others. Something tells me this is the only way to heal what ails us, and a broken heart goes a long way in demonstrating how painful existence can be. Life’s hard enough and always will be, so I try in my own way to strike at the root of those entities and systems that are proving toxic and further damaging to our social relations. It’s all I know to do at this point in my life, small as my ambitions may appear. But I am one person, and this is my life, and these are my loved ones, and dammit, we do matter. We work with what we have.

We broke it

My lover just left, and our relationship has ended. Lord help us, I think this is it.

Irreconcilable differences…

The heartache’s been strung out a long time now. So much water under the bridge. He says he hopes for us to remain friends…

My heart hurts. It’s been such a long year and a half since the fighting began. Some days were good, but others were truly terrible. I’ve become through this someone I never wanted to be.

I will love him forever, and he says the same. But everything got broken and we can’t fix it. Everything’s turned into a fight anymore, and neither of us can take it. But dear God, it is so sad and painful walking away. He is my sunshine…but we just can’t make it work any longer.

Hurts me soul too

That was “Hurt Me Soul” by Lupe Fiasco, this being a song I stumbled across a little over a year back on Pandora Radio. Tonight it was chosen specifically due to its title.

Hurts me soul.

I hurt a bit lately. Changes. A couple current family-related concerns drudge up old memories and the blues. Drudges up some anger too. But whatcha gonna do? Can’t change the past. Just trying to keep managing the present as I go. Like my guy reminded me tonight, I do have most of what I ever wanted now, today. That being the love and company of my partner and support of close friends and Grandma, a non-corporate means of earning a living, keeping a roof over my head and food (and beer) in my belly, all the books I’ll ever have time to read, a reasonably well-behaved feline, a decent car, entertainment, freedom from participating in past lifestyle choices, etc. So why let the past poison the present? Well, that’s the tricky thing about our pasts…

It lives on in our minds, replaying bits and pieces triggered by whatever’s going on throughout each day. Smells, sights, similar circumstances, etc. The past doesn’t just fade away because we may will it to do so. And it never stops being a part of us. It’s what shaped and molded us, for better or worse — everything that occurred in the past and all the people we came into contact with interacted with the cores of our being and together helped chisel the art that is oneself.

Free will enters in to whatever extent, but is it not also influenced by the expectations of others? We certainly weren’t free to choose our families or the people we were tossed in with by them in our early years. And if you come up with any discipline you know you certainly weren’t free to interact in that environment and with those people as a free, autonomous agent. Resentments form and can simmer for years.

And then we hit adulthood and people expect you to flip a switch and turn off concern for all of that. Mine it for its good points and let the rest go. Spent much of my 20s trying to do just that. It was a worthwhile endeavor that taught me a lot about myself and others. Broadened my empathy for people I’d previously over-simplistically caricatured.

But I continue to struggle with the notion of forgiveness. It’s an Oprah-ballyhooed trendy idea. Forgive whoever who has wronged you so that you can feel better within yourself. You can release the anger and resentment and pain all on your own with no effort or apologies needed from the other parties. You can choose to not be controlled by your pain. You are responsible for your own feelings — no one else can make you feel anything. Those are the claims. Yeah, well, in case it needs to be said: it’s nearly all bullshit. It’s a guilt-inducing lie that tells the individual that they and their emotions can and do exist in a vacuum where they hold the reins and wield all of the power, independent of what others may do to us.

And it’s shit like that that makes me skeptical of the extremes people are willing to go to, in this case in the name of individualism. The notion of individualism taken so far as to expect us to behave as if completely atomized and capable of behaving with robot-like control over our minds and bodies is the talk of psychopaths, not ordinary people. Such cultural expectations would prove unsustainable due to the widespread psychological harm it would do. This damage arguably is going on already.

What a terrific performance by the Avett Brothers.

The tragedy of all that stated above is that more and more seem to be accepting Oprah and Co.’s logic, ignoring the reality that there remains a tension between each individual and all others they interact with, extending out to wider society and then to all of humanity. It’s a web, and it also stretches back in each one of our pasts to all interactions with others and our environments experienced before. Sounds abstract, but we intuitively understand this or at least behave as if we do.

People may want to argue that bringing in our connections with others is some sort of scapegoat in our attempt to deflect personal responsibility outside of ourselves, holding to the belief that we each possess ultimate power over our emotions and our lives and that those who can’t toe the line are just lazy and lacking in will power and therefore deserve to be miserable. But who do you figure they’re referring to in that last bit? Why, most of us, that’s who. Nearly anybody possessing a conscience and sentimentalities of the heart.

Some people want to talk nowadays as if everything ought to boil down to “logic” and “reason” and “rationality” and “proof” and “empirical evidence” and mathematics, but that’s only one half of life. If that’s the yin, where’s the yang? It’s in our heart-felt emotional lives, our connections with others, our families and clans of belonging, our impulses and creativity — so much of what makes life feel worth living. We are social beings first and foremost, which is to say that if logic gets in the way of that, we tend to stray from being too logical (always while convincing ourselves that we’re indeed very logical — when don’t we?).

I’d argue sticking with the “yin” described above and neglecting the “yang”-side of life will prove a serious detriment to humankind eventually, making it illogical in the end. It’s pandering to a life out of balance, and when scales are tipped too far one way they tend to ‘knee-jerk’ back in the opposite direction before settling out. It’s anyone’s guess how long it could take, this being a process that plays out on and on and on.

Individualism vs. collectivism is the great social paradox. It’s a tension that cannot be naturally resolved. Not that I see it as a problem necessarily needing some sort of permanent resolution. It’s just the way life is, and we experience it on many levels, from the political sphere on down to our interpersonal dynamics and the memories that spin off from that and follow us throughout our lives. We like to think we individually are so mighty as to not need help from others, but it is an illusion disproven from the moment of conception. No human is capable of being an island, not fully and completely. Adults who attempt it frequently wind up going mad with depression. We are social beings, first and foremost.

Our lives are woven in the fabric of this tension. We are products of paradoxes that we have little choice but to learn to live with. Because they belong to the designs of the natural world, the framework we are bound to exist within.

Brings to mind another funny paradox about living as slaves. Humans have enslaved one another for at least as far back as civilizations have existed and perhaps even before then. Slavery is probably what allowed civilizations to come into existence in the first place. Cheap expendable labor, freeing non-slaves up to tend to other matters, like sitting around theorizing. Slavery allowed the West to rapidly ascend, and it arguably formed the foundation for capitalism (though we don’t call it slavery anymore, preferring economic jargon that sounds more sophisticated and somehow less barbaric). Capitalism was special, though, in that it freed masters from responsibility for their slaves. No more needing to house or feed them, while still not being required to pay employees a living wage. It’s clearly evident this, at bottom, is a cost-cutting scheme dreamed up by masters-of-old.

But anyway, what’s funny is that slavery is what we humans are fighting to try to stay out of with one another, now taking the battle to the political arena, and yet without slavery ever having existed the world would look very different today. Most people would likely still be either farmers or hunters out of necessity, because people would have to pull their own weight as best as able. This means big, centralized civilizations would serve no function, and therefore wouldn’t have come into being. Rather than be slaves to other groups of people, all humans are left to contend with their dependence on nature, the ultimate slave master. People wishing to escape that reality wound up in no better position unless they belonged to the master class(es), oftentimes determined by technological advantage achieved off the backs of those previously conquered. And which is worse? In the end will we not wind up being forced to contend with nature as ultimate master anyhow?

Ah well. Strayed far off the original topic of guilt, resentment, family, and individual power to forgive and move on. How much power does one individual possess, and does that amount of power fluctuate throughout our adulthood? Can we always help weak or tormenting spells, and should we always try to stomp them out? Do they not potentially provide value as well in allowing us time to think and ponder and rehash and soul-search?

Which brings me to the thought that initially inspired me to blog this evening: I am a soul; I have a body. This came to me after reading the titles of a couple of videos by atheists disputing the idea of people possessing souls. They say there is no evidence that souls exist, and I can’t help but chuckle. None of us really understand what a soul is, and how can we? It’s understood intuitively as representing our essence, of which our body is the vehicle. How might someone convince a skeptic of this truth? Probably can’t, because it’s not of the realm of science, at least not at this juncture. I suppose it doesn’t matter much what others happen to think on this topic — at least not to me. It’s not even a subject we can wrap our feeble languages around, let alone hope to prove or disprove.

So I continue on in speaking and thinking as I do on that. And today I am aware of suffering within my spirit. It began with a memory popping in mind first thing this morning, and more reflections followed as the day wore on. It happens. Even if I could fully forgive everything, I can’t forget. Beyond that, I’m not convinced everyone deserves forgiveness, particularly those who never ask for it. Maybe on some level it becomes the right thing to do, just to release the situation and let it rest as what has already come before. But a desire to stay the hell away from certain people seems unavoidable as well as healthy in plenty of cases. And then there’s grief over what’s been lost or broken, that being a tough pill to swallow and simply accept. To say that we can and should simply exercise our power to repress and move on strikes me as shallow and non-introspective, and in people who aim to do this I’ve witnessed the pain popping up later in life and dismantling their present. So it seems to me something we can’t simply walk away from and ignore but rather must go through and out the other side of, however long that may take.

But what does one do if stuck? I guess that’s where will power must come into play. If I will not direct myself, others may try to use me to serve their own ends, or I may be abandoned by those who lose faith in the health of our connection, and I wind up a slave to circumstances then.

Harshly put, Firefall. Noted.

… All is easier said than done.

… Is it really coming down to picking our preferred form of slavery?

Just thinking out loud again.

The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil

The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil – a 2007 talk by Philip G. Zimbardo, Professor Emeritus of Psychology, Stanford University:

Zimbardo’s latest book, The Lucifer Effect, attempts to understand how good people do evil deeds. His talk outlines his involvement as expert witness for the defense team of one of the military police officers responsible at Abu Ghraib, and also provides a rich history of psychological research into the kind of behavior transformations evident in Iraq. First, Zimbardo presents a slideshow of Abu Ghraib abominations, including some digital photos that were not widely distributed by the media. Then he digs deep into the archives for a horrifically illustrated tour of experiments that make a persuasive case that certain, predictable situations corrupt people into wielding power in a destructive way.

He describes Stanley Milgram’s 1963 Yale-based research demonstrating that people will behave sadistically when confronted by “an authority in a lab coat.” A vast majority of the subjects delivered what they were told were dangerous electric shocks to a learner in another room, to the point of apparently killing the other person. Researchers skeptical of his results replicated them. This time, professors demanded that students shock real puppies standing on electrified grills. Zimbardo’s own prison experiment turned an ordinary group of young men into power-hungry “guards,” humiliating equally ordinary “prisoners” in the basement of Stanford’s psychology building. The descent into barbarity was so rapid that Zimbardo had to cancel the experiment after a few days.

The recipe for behavior change isn’t complicated. “All evil begins with a big lie,” says Zimbardo, whether it’s a claim to be following the word of God, or the need to stamp out political opposition. A seemingly insignificant step follows, with successive small actions, presented as essential by an apparently just authority figure. The situation presents others complying with the same rules, perhaps protesting, but following along all the same. If the victims are anonymous or dehumanized somehow, all the better. And exiting the situation is extremely difficult.

Abu Ghraib fit this type of situation to a T, says Zimbardo. The guards, never trained for their work helping military interrogators, worked 12-hour shifts, 40 days without a break, in chaotic, filthy conditions, facing 1,000 foreign prisoners, and hostile fire from the neighborhood. They operated in extreme stress, under orders to impose fear on their prisoners. Zimbardo believes the outcome was perfectly predictable, and while never absolving these soldiers of personal responsibility, believes justice won’t be done until “the people who created the situation go on trial as well: George Tenet, Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney and George Bush.”

The reading of “Body Pleasure and the Origin of Violence” by James W. Prescott (my thoughts follow)

YT user ChristophDollis recommended I watch the following video titled “Abusers, Orgasms, Pain and Pleasure…” uploaded by Stefan Molyneux:

Pausing at the 34 min. mark, let me first say thanks for suggesting this clip of the reading of a piece titled “Body Pleasure and the Origin of Violence” by James W. Prescott (from “The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists” — Nov. 1975). Interesting hearing what people have been putting out into the universe and how much of the public has overlooked it. The rest of my comments below aren’t directed at anyone in particular and are simply thoughts stimulated by the video.

One reason I believe the public tends to glance right past material such as that (besides not finding it entertaining) is because we’re all affected by exactly that which Dr. Prescott is discussing. While 1975 was before my time, not much has changed in the way of improvement in our social relations since then most certainly, yet our heads remain firmly planted in the sand. Not many of us are out here actively seeking information and answers, partly because many people lack time and/or energy, but also because we are a socially and sexually fucked up lot. lol That’s not putting it delicately, but I doubt many would disagree if they really stopped and thought about it.

We’re a society of sado-masochists basically, and plenty of folks are attached to being that way. They see it as normal or even healthy. It affects so many of us that it indeed appears to be the norm. Pressing pleasure and pain boundaries is all the rage these days, whether that be on the softer or harder ends of the spectrum. And arguably on the less extreme end it’s difficult to argue that such behavior is terribly detrimental when it can be quite enjoyable play for both involved. Furthermore, I do believe sex has become a balm of sorts to pacify us as we struggle through modern times. Sex can have drug-like qualities of its own, particularly in how it allows a mental escape. I’ve been particularly skeptical of these claims circling about “sexual addiction,” but I do get how sex has for many an obsessive allurement. It’s where pleasure-seeking meets sexual dysfunction brought about in a wide assortment of ways. People do need touch and I’d agree many lacked enough of it and go on seeking it however which way. This easily can lead into the topic of prostitution and pornography, which then necessarily runs into economic bullshittery, but I’d prefer to keep it relatively brief right now.

Pornography must be mentioned, because it reflects just how sado-masochistic we’ve become. Americans may argue that many of us don’t truly engage in the cruelties exhibited on common pornos, but it’s enough that we use them for masturbatory material. How many of us don’t? It gets into our psyches through viewing, and we don’t resist it and demand more affectionate sexual displays because why? Because we are lazy and will take whatever is put before us? Because we grow conditioned to viewing this sort of material since many of us were exposed by our teen years? Because some have grown to genuinely like it? Men and women genuinely are turned on watching a woman be gagged by cock, making choking sounds, looking pathetic, while the man has hold of her hair and is calling her a “stupid whore”? That is truly exciting, is it? And all this anal sex, is that really what everyone wants? Many have told me no, but I also know that plenty are curious.

The trouble is that people tend to imitate pornography, this is my observation. Everyone has their own experience to pull from, but this is my view of it. Especially younger males. Older males over the age of 45 approach sex differently, though it’s difficult to put into words. Less formulaic approach to sex, perhaps. The younger man is oftentimes re-acting a routine, one that apparently is supposed to include oral sex performed on him and involves a lot of banging, not much kissing, not much caressing. That’s a weird thing to me and it turned me off on much of my own age group in my 20s. I’ve watched my share of porn and still do occasionally, so I do know where they’re getting this stuff from. It’s not just the way of men — it’s the training of young men and women to be bad lovers. That is my take.

The lesson of porn is one too often of aggression and intimate distance. Because a penis is inserted into a vagina, we call that intimacy. That is not intimacy. That is mere function. Calling the purely physical act itself intimacy is so completely detached from considerations of realness, genuine attraction, mutual respect and feelings of exhilaration. This mindset is robbing sex of the sanctity it rightfully deserves.

Whether money is exchanged or two lovers find one another in a bar or sex is filmed and distributed for others to view, it is not my concern. None of that automatically desacralizes sex in my eyes. What does is the negative, resentful and/or apathetic attitude that so often accompanies sexuality, at least as practiced in the U.S today. The lack of respect for the act is apparent to me, and it sickens me, even as I’ve been caught up in just such a lifestyle myself. Extricated myself from it, by and large, but I am still affected by it, and my body responds to it, even as my mind knows better. That is the result of conditioning, of youthful exposure, of porn increasingly influencing the mainstream media (which I term as “porn culture”), of widespread acceptance (especially within my age group), and undoubtedly upbringing factors in. We live in a social climate of value anomie where everything is up for experimentation, especially if money or attention can be attained off of it.

Sexual displays garner attention. People respond to that, as is natural, especially for those who feel deprived of enough attention. Sexuality, therefore, isn’t so much addictive as it is magnetic. We’re drawn to it like moths to a flame. Social and intimate dysfunction opens people up to drawing toward sexual dysfunctionality. This I do believe.

Yet people defend it. Tooth and nail. They tend to argue from a libertarian legal perspective (which, to an extent, I share), stating whatever adults are involved in voluntarily should be allowable. While I’m not an advocate for censorship or bringing in new laws to attempt to control our behaviors, I have come to take issue with the hard-line attitude in support of virtually all pornography and violent displays, because it leaves off the table the moral, social, and psychological dimensions to this ordeal. It’s as if legality is all people want to see in any of this; all other concerns are reduced and dismissed as mere personal preferences.

Having now finished watching the entire video clip, I basically agree with what that man said. However, I worry about his strategies being employed someday in a “Brave New World” kind of way, which would create a host of problems all unto itself. Call me a Luddite of sorts, which is probably accurate to an extent, but I have trouble with comprehending how modern life as Westerners experience it is healthy for humans in terms of its push toward “experts”micromanaging everything and economics ultimately determining our collective fate. Much more could be said in response to this clip, which I am glad to have listened to, but it’s approaching dinner time.