“2015 Personality Lecture 12: Existentialism: Dostoevsky, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard”

A very interesting lecture from Dr. Jordan Peterson:

Some days I just cannot tolerate the internet…

Found myself checking out AVfM forums again this evening…and I gotta say that while there are some folks on there I really do like to read, there are others who type shit that utterly depresses me. That’s just being honest. And I’m sure they’d probably say I don’t have thick enough skin or whatever else, but I have had to reduce the amount of time I put in to checking out that site because, frankly, being repeatedly fed the message that I am the devil by virtue of my sex—which I was born with and had no control in choosing—just brings a person down.

Same with a lot I read and listen to on youtube. I’m attracted toward gender relations topics, but it’s become such a mind-numbing minefield to try to traverse. Maybe I’m not emotionally healthy enough currently to take in so much animosity thrown back and forth between angry, sexist people online, whether males or females. And maybe I never will be. Because a part of me literally wilts every time I read another comment thread littered with statements about how basically all women are “whores” and all we want is your fucking money and we’re cold, calculating bitches who aren’t about anything and “AWALT.” Fuck that noise.

I’ve made a ton of mistakes throughout my life. Made bad choices. Still make some poor choices. Took up a lifestyle that’s brought me a bunch of heat for years on end, especially when I aim to defend female sexual exploration publicly. Not claiming to a be an exceptional woman or even a particularly “good” one. Not even claiming to be all that smart. But I certainly am human — there’s no question in that. And as a human I have as complex of thought processes as any man I’ve ever met, even though we may fundamentally differ on various levels. I, for one, am not an automaton driven purely by biological impulses, nor am I sociopath driven purely by narcissistic desires while giving no shits over whom I impact. And undoubtedly this is true of plenty of other women out there in the world too. Just as I am well-aware that every man running his mouth isn’t necessarily some prize despite his claims to the contrary.

Life is tough, and compatibility can be hard to find. We’re not all constituted equally, and plenty of people out here appear to have come through a lot and aren’t equipped to handle the turbulence of the times we’re born into. That goes for males and females. Some people play games, even very dangerous games, and some folks don’t give a damn about anyone other than themselves. And, once again, that holds true among both males and females. But the majority out here are probably just trying to make something work, even if they don’t know how. They’re trying to hold onto somebody they love even after it’s become apparent that it’s not going to work out. They’re trying to navigate the dating scene without winding up on the losing end more often than not. And all of this is occurring while we’re battling this race against time and aging and growing jaded. And what do motherfuckers do? They pipe up to heckle women about “hitting the wall” and ridicule us for not having all the answers in advance and making all the perfect choices that they personally think we ought to have.

What do people really want from one another? Just want to demean each other until we finally all lose our minds and snap? Want to push each other so that we’ll reveal our dark sides and animosity? Want to degrade each other until all trust is broken and all good sentiments are washed away? What the fuck do these types of people want?? They want to see somebody else get depressed because that somehow makes them feel better? They want to tear others down from the supposed “pedestals” we’re presumed to be sitting on, so that what? They can feel higher and mightier than someone else? Bigger, better, stronger, faster, smarter? For what?

I do not understand people and probably never will. My sensitivities make interaction with a lot of these folks (referring to “manospherians” in general here) just such a mind-numbing experience. But that’s okay, because I’m some sort of she-devil, huh? All of us females out here, that’s all we are, right? Bitches and whores and skanks and evil and conniving…  Then we hear the feminists referring to males as if they’re all potential rapists and scum and flagrant opportunists. Gotta be looked at as “all or nothing,” right? Can’t be nuanced in how we examine gender dynamics of today, can we? Can’t take individuals as they come anymore, isn’t that right? Just gotta lump ’em all into categories and then bash them and dismiss them. Because somehow that makes sense. Why not destroy the whole world while we’re at it? Why not just tear down everything that was ever sacred and desecrate anything and everything that might be special to somebody else. Because we’re mean motherfuckers who no longer give a damn about other people. As some on YT like to say, we should just get off the planet and quit breathing up all this air that the haters would prefer to keep for themselves.

Man, what’s becoming of us? Can people no longer comprehend that life can be hard and unfair and that just because we want something doesn’t guarantee it’s going to work out? And there are forces at work, such as those within our government and popular media, that operate against our best interests and entice us to follow in suit. We know this, and yet we berate one another incessantly anyway, as if any one of us down here on the ground has enough power to change the System overnight. As if any one of us can or should be held responsible for every bad deed carried out by another who happens to belong to our sex or our race or our class.

Belittle, belittle, belittle. Tear each other down. Hate and spew vitriol and crack obscene jokes and treat others as little more than fodder to entertain ourselves with. Man, we humans have become very harsh and cruel, and yet we wonder why our lives don’t improve. Must be somebody else’s fault, though. Can’t have anything to do with our own individual shortcomings. Just deflect, deflect, deflect and attack, attack, attack. Degrade and disparage and ridicule. That’s all the rage anymore online and, unfortunately, offline increasingly as well.

We’re a mean fucking bunch of hypocrites and charlatans. Yeah, I understand people are in pain and they’re angry, but where does this bullshit end? With sex separatism becoming the new norm? With men and women viewing one another as little more than walking ATMs and animated sex dolls? If it ever comes to that, it will be due to our own doings. It will be because we placed ideologies above humane principles and castigated others just so as to boost our own egos and avoid looking inward at our own damn problems and frailties and poor choices and simple luck of the draw.

I am certainly no exception. Been angry a long time myself. Trying to work on that and sometimes succeed for spells. But I’m finding society growing colder and harsher in terms of how we view one another and the unrealistic expectations we place on one another. Nobody out here is perfect, and I’m not even sure what “normal” can even mean in such a diverse society. But it’s that goddamn conformist push forever trying to persuade us to see life as black or white, with us or against us. Well, then I guess that leads to me being against a lot of you, because I can’t play this game. It’s a useless mind-fuck that eventually will spit people out in a condition worse than when they started, because it’s based on so many lies and generalizations and obfuscations that lead us farther away from truths and valuable insight.

But, naturally, you can’t tell humans anything since we’re hell-bent on learning everything the hard way. Gotta destroy everything before we wake up and recognize what’s of real value. And by that time it’s already too late. Well, have at it, folks. All this meanness is poison for the soul, but you won’t take my word for it. That bitterness can do oneself more harm in the long run than a lot of what spurred us to become bitter in the first place. I know that much and battle with dark emotions of that sort myself. It weighs you down over time, this I have been learning. Gonna drown ourselves if we keep it up, and gonna take undeserving people down with us when we do. And that’s a real shame.

Ya know, it starts out with feeling jilted and wishing to avoid that pain occurring again. But then through our efforts to protect ourselves, we can become the very thing we despised. And then we become the bad guys or the heavy weight to someone else, maybe someone we love. Then we recreate and pay forward the very thing we ourselves were aiming to steer clear of having to deal with. This cycle happens so often that it ought to be well-understood among us humans by now. And yet, it somehow isn’t. As always, we designate the “other” as toxic, nevermind our own growing toxicity.

And then we wonder why there are so many nihilists out wandering around in society…

[Lightly edited for greater clarity 3/10/2015]

“Maybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the facts …”

Back to heaviness…

A song I’ve long adored, “Paint It Black” by the Rolling Stones (set to footage from the Vietnam war):

The song’s lyrics:

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black

I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I see a line of cars and they’re all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back

I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens every day

I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door, I must have it painted black

Maybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the facts
It’s not easy facin’ up when your whole world is black

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you

If I look hard enough into the settin’ sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin’ comes

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black

I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I wanna see your face, painted black
Black as night, black as coal

I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black

The depths of our human inclination toward destructiveness appears to be bottomless. For these reasons I consider us all to be living in “end times” (for all intents and purposes), whether we care to grasp the severity of the Situation or not. It doesn’t please me, but it is what it is, apparently so. Been coming a long time, and now technologies enable us to kick it into hyper-drive, and so we have. Think we’re going to slow down? Think we’re collectively going to expand our minds and learn to pause and think more carefully before advancing? Think again.

I won’t rule out the possibility entirely though…

Almost seems like the more we drive toward strict rationality, the more irrational we become.

Does the soul not wither, bit by bit, day by day, as we live and confront what’s become of us and how we’ve impacted the rest of life on Earth? We didn’t necessarily mean to — it happens. We’re prideful apes-of-sorts who take actions that throughout time lead to a narrowing of possibilities going forward.

What meaningful action is possible and could prove effective without tons of consequences of its own? There are so many of us, too many — competition rules the day. People awaken to this and can choose to do what? Passively resist like I do by opting to remain relatively poor? Continuing to learn what I can, piping up about what I see as I go, but in the big picture it’s a small drop in the bucket. I don’t shop much anymore (aside from groceries). Feels like the right choice to at least not feed the beasts much more than what’s already being finagled out of me.

But eventually I’ll pass on, leaving no offspring behind, and other people will continue doing what they think they ought to be doing, whatever which ways that shakes out. It’s the trajectory, and I don’t see it changing unless people want to start making a lot of sacrifices, which I am pretty certain they’re not hearin’.

Actively resist with street protests? Sure, I’m down with that, though an arrest could screw up my job. Probably true for most folks. Plus, getting tased or smacked with a nightstick leads to medical bills and lost time at work (in what I do, I don’t get sick days — gotta fulfill my obligations regardless). But we don’t even have big street activism taking place here.

So what then?

(I’d personally love to impeach the president [that goes for any president we’ve had in the last 25 years, at minimum] and at least 75% of Congress and start anew, but the vast majority of my fellow Americans say nay and continue supporting duopoly politics, having convinced themselves that they must select a “winning team” or else they’ve wasted their votes. Just a pipe dream by this point…)

Modern life is all we know. We grew up in this and most of us can’t even begin to get back to basics. And even if we did, up flies the legal red tape to impose property taxes and whatever else to find a way to force people to continue trading in U.S. currency. Which means you have to earn it their way. Which forces you to be somehow tied into the System by some means. How do you sidestep that? Create a group and call yourselves a “religious organization” so as to qualify for tax breaks on property purchased — sounds great, but indoor plumbing still keeps you tied into supporting the System since you gotta pay for that somehow. Same with phones and internet and electricity. Generators require fuel (and most states continue to ban hemp which could be processed into a bio-fuel source).

Though I admire those who do step away from the bullshit as much as possible and produce for themselves.

But even so: Welcome to The Grid. Have fun trying to escape this maze.

‘Round and ’round I go on these topics, and these thoughts are just where I keep winding up at…

Utopian dreams don’t determine actual outcomes.

We’re going on this hand-basket ride whether we like it or not. No one asked our consent, and we’re not required to grant it. But so long as we remain alive in the U.S., we’re going to continue witnessing it all unfold. I can’t see a way around that. Sorry folks.

Also, as relates to the future of humanity… Sincerely wish people would cease producing so many kids. Greater numbers are proving to be a burden on us all. Please have a lot of love in your heart before bringing any child into this world. PLEASE. It’s better for all involved. Beyond that, with too great of numbers comes a consequent reduction in value (as perceived by Society) of each individual. We become too replaceable, too interchangeable. And we know this. We see evidence of this all the time nowadays. That happening in itself leads to a declination in one’s power, and this is observable in the amount of depression and anxiety so many people today report experiencing. We tend to comprehend it on a visceral level prior to exploring the causes.

“The 7 Levels Of Crunchy Hippie Hell” (my thoughts)

Just finished watching this and am immediately wondering where the heck he’s finding so many “liberals” like this? Because I wish more held some of the attitudes mentioned there.  ha

Most of those I meet make tons of excuses for Government (especially Obama’s administration), don’t seem to care enough about the NSA spying program, place entirely too much faith in most of what’s deemed scientific without more careful scrutiny on their own parts, place tons of faith in authority (at least when it comes to academe as a whole), and wouldn’t qualify as being true anarchists. Nihilists, maybe (though I can see where some folks, whatever their political affiliations, do cloak their life-negating nihilism in anarachist lip service at times).

Kept waiting throughout this video for some sort of punchline, clearing up that this in fact isn’t how most so-called liberals behave yet perhaps actually should be. But no, instead he brought up Ted Kaczynski, a.k.a. “the unabomber.”

Hmmm…well, I guess that’s one take on the situation. Certainly pretty far from my own, though it heartens me a little to think more self-described liberals are coming to critique and reevaluate the trajectory of modern times and the rise of civilizations and technologies. Only a little, though, since I personally see some of those folks as nihilists-in-anarchist’s/progressive’s-clothing who apparently are hell-bent on destruction rather than affirming life through adopting strategies that enable us to live how we believe may be more beneficial for ourselves as human communities, accepting that no one-size-fits-all solution will suffice. Their thinking is too warped to wrap around the idea of us all not wanting to go together in the same direction as one unified mega-society. Just blows their mind to even bring it up.

The problem I’ve long-since had with self-described anarchists relates with that very issue: their verbalized desire to tear down and destroy without anything else envisioned or created to take its place. We have no Plan B to fall back on, so that strikes me as the primary concern of the moment, figuring out how and what to construct so as to reclaim power into our own hands. Which does include experimenting with gardening techniques so as to generate what’s necessary to sustain our lives. Because without that, we have no footing to stand on in demanding changes or to be let free from what appears to be psychologically fucking people up (namely, being sucked so deeply into the money game to where people are forced to live like hamsters in a wheel, chasing money in order to buy what’s required to survive).

Gotta break that chain if people want to go another way, and I can’t blame anyone for wishing to get outside of this setup and get back down closer to basics where involvement in genuine productivity was once the norm. What’s wrong with taking the view that humanity has strayed in a direction that’s proving unhealthy and unsatisfying for many?

See, I do get where modern life has brought many benefits, and I personally am not anti-modernity 100% of the way. There are many good points, and there are seriously harmful points as well, then shades of gray in between. It’s a question of what is worth salvaging and what might not be, and also what even can be within a truly sustainable system. The change from how we live today would be radical, so much so that I doubt most of those claiming to be on board with such drastic measures today would remain engaged for the long haul and eventually probably would present resistance heading the opposite way in an effort to protect creature comforts and in clashes over what can or should be maintained. There is where true anarchy enters the equation, leading to groups fractioning off to go their own ways in order to escape becoming gridlocked with others. At least that’s where my imagination leads me these days.

I don’t see how this many people with such different conceptions of “the good life” can ever reach a consensus so as to maintain this large and complex of a society. That’s my wager heading forward. And I doubt even Karl Marx would disagree if he could be beamed into the present.

That is something that’s always confused me about so-called “socialists” and “Marxists” of today. Karl Marx and the communists he aligned with lived in very different times that could not foresee what lay in store. I personally feel, after reading over time some of his writings as well as textbook descriptions about him and his advocacy, Marx was essentially describing a Luddite setup that would only work in a pre-Industrial society. Yet people have dragged his vision forward and dramatically altered it and seem to think it can be applied in massive, highly specialized,(post-)Industriualized societies, and this is where I get into serious quibbling and head-shaking. Too many genies are out of the bottle for it to be possible to go forward into such a centralized power scheme without at least certain classes of people being thoroughly exploited in order to maintain it (as has been the case throughout all of civilized history up to now).

Sound Kaczynski-ish? Well, I’m not done.

The problem with Kaczynski’s strategy is it went offensive, whereas I think most of us understand the defensive stance but morally take issue with striking out where not directly and squarely provoked. IMO, after reading some of Kaczynski’s manifesto in the past, his views went too far and were indeed the aspirations of a man gone rabid. BUT, that doesn’t mean everything he said was bullshit. I agree with parts where he took issue with how technology has overrun our lives and how our government and institutions have grown intensely corrupt. Would have to pull it up to recall more specifics, but the foundation he was operating from wasn’t insane, even if he took it to destructive and unjustifiable extremes. He forfeited the higher road by choosing to become a terrorist, which then poisoned the worthwhile aspects of the perspective he publicly shared as well.

Admittedly, I have mixed feelings over his motives and actions. Cannot endorse them anymore than I can the actions taken by some members of ELF (Earth Liberation Front) who place spikes in trees to kill and injure loggers. Strikes me as misplaced and excessive aggression doled out on the workers, turning virtually everyone who otherwise might have been at least sympathetic to his frustrations with modern life into people wanting to distance themselves from anything and everything he ever spoke of. Damned himself and his ideals in that move.

That aside, I can’t offer much defense for the guy, but questions about the direction of modern societies and our energy demands and lifestyles remain very relevant. Because some people take their messages to fanatical extremes doesn’t detract from the bigger truth that people aren’t adjusting to modern life as hoped. People want out of this controlling of a grid, just as any animal detests being caged. Does this not lead to economic slavery? Because I don’t see how it inevitably won’t. For plenty, that day has already arrived.

To be honest, I wasn’t expecting this position out of the video creator going by the handle Tooltime9901. Kinda surprised by how far apart we seem to see these matters, especially considering how many other videos I appreciated from him. Even our views on the Zeitgeist films are bass ackward — I consider the first film the best, yet the filmmaker lost me in the last where he promoted centralized living schemes. Consider me a mule, but dang it — formal, prescriptive approaches to solving humanity’s dilemmas won’t prove to be one-size-fits-all, and I’d just like to explore more possibilities, even those deemed primitive. Maybe we don’t all want or need to live under the same sort of setup, and what’s really wrong with that? Let some descend into the Dark Ages if that is their will. It’s either that or feud with them forever. I say let them go to see what they can make of their existence.

It’s this notion that we all must be tied in to some increasingly centrally-controlled and invasive system that I find most offensive from the “liberals” Tooltime9901 stands in agreement with. Why? Because the system will fail without our contributions? Because our financial sphere has been turned into a giant pyramid scheme that would collapse on itself if it lost anymore funding from wage slaves stuck running on their hamster wheels? Because an imperial nation cannot afford to lose any power if it’s to maintain its dominance both here and abroad? Because we as citizens owe so much to something we were simply born into without possessing much say over?

There are times when it’s necessary to return to the drawing board, and now is clearly one of them. The current ways are infuriating people, as is understandable IMO. There is no past to return to, but it does help to learn about how humans have existed in the past so as to come to terms with what our options are going forward if the goal is to create sustainable ways of life guided by realistic paradigms that take into account our natures as human beings, not merely treating us as cogs within a wheel intended to feed some abstract Machine a few great thinkers originally conjured up. The exploitation is running too high, the divides are too deep, and the moral concerns over what we’re doing to one another so as to live as we do is a major burden on people’s psyches. It’s hurting us to continue this way, so something’s gotta give. That much I do know.

And I personally happen to really appreciate the book Brave New World and would recommend it to anyone as sci-fi food for thought.

Learning about the “Knockout Game”

Tommy Sotomayor’s view on the “Knockout Game” situation:

Same news footage commented on by Mr. Advise on TheAdviseShowTV channel:

I tend to much prefer listening to Mr. Advise’s commentary and recently subscribed to his channel.

An article from ABC News titled “‘Knockout Game’ Suspect Charged With Hate Crime.”

“Active and Passive Nihilism” & “Overcoming Nihilism”

Exploring ideas put forth by Nietzsche — “Active and Passive Nihilism”:

“Overcoming Nihilism”:

Those are the 5th and 6th lectures in a series that can be found on the academyofideas’ channel.