“Jordan Peterson – How To Stop Being Lazy & Progress In Life”

Re listening to this again today:

Sticking by the devil you know out of fear of dealing with the devil you don’t yet know…so true. Not that either parties involved are necessarily devils through and through, but we can and do get comfortable in our routines, however painful and stifling they may actually be. As I have and am now embarking away from, once again. This time it MUST stick. Simply must. What was has been outgrown and this clearly understood by now. It’s amazing the sense of loss though, even when you know it’s for the best in the long run. Very easy to cling to that which we know already, even as it keeps us feeling rather miserable.

It does boil down mostly to fear of the future. Fear of the unknown, as Dr. Peterson spoke of. Fear of getting one’s act together and standing on your own two feet also. Fear of failure, though we’re failing already when we insist on remaining within a cocoon that no longer fits. The lessons have already been learned here, so why stay? To forever remind one another of past mistakes and hinder future growth? Because that’s all that winds up happening after a while.

I do get, just as I’ve gotten it previously. But it’s obviously not what I preferred to hear. Stubborn resistance born out of nervousness and the desire for the comfort of familiarity. The desire to stay hidden as well. Why? Who knows? Probably just the human condition be geared that way, right or wrong. People and relationships can come to serve as wombs for us, but if we stay too long we wind up regressing. No question about that.

Been down this road many times now and just need to stay on it and not give in to temptation to relapse back to past comforts. Managed to quit drinking about 7 months ago and have been altering my lifestyle overall in recent years, so this is just another step along the way. And it’s one I can manage just the same. No real choice in the matter anymore. And I have been excited now, just as in previous times when arriving at this same impasse, to go forward into the future so as to explore and grow. It’s scary in a way, but it’s also exhilarating imagining the possibilities. Won’t be a rose garden (life never is), but it holds more promise than what I’ve been cocooned within the last 7 years. Change is always painful — no way around that fact of life. But it’s not so bad. It’s going to be okay.

Chill night

Just got in from hanging out with my buddy down the way for a little while. Figure I’ll pack tomorrow. Tonight is about chillin’.

Had a good conversation and he said some things that really lifted my spirits. Very nice guy. Known him nearly 6 years. Blows glass and is amazing at it. I go hang out at his backyard workshop and watch him work, or at least that’s what I used to do until I took a break for a couple years there while going through that whole reclusive phase. Well, breaking out of that. He keeps telling me I’m always welcome, so hey, great, I’m there. Will start hanging out again. Always enjoyed watching him work and chatting, and he says he appreciates the company.

Would be totally good for me right about now to be back around a positive influence and supportive friend. This guy’s been married for over 10 years (with a kid), so it’s purely platonic and always has been. Just fun to talk with. And he also has a partner who comes over to the shop to work with him who’s extremely talented as well. Plus, some folks from the bar (the one I stay out of nowadays and largely have the last couple of years) drop by, so I get to see them again too, so that’s nice. My buddy’s shop is just a chill place to hang out some nights, as it’s always been. Feels good to be back over there again.

Reminds me I actually do have local support despite so often these days feeling like I don’t. Because I haven’t reached out. Was a bit embarrassed to do so, considering what I was holding onto and all. That was my weak time — got really depressed. Just didn’t much care to be around most people during recent years. I lost myself in that relationship, admittedly so. And so be it. Such is life. Sometimes shit happens. Learned a lot too though. Changed me in a few ways that actually are probably for the best. I don’t wish to go back to my old lifestyle. So, it’s just a question of where all to go from here.

Uploaded tonight my own video for The White Stripes’ disturbing song “There’s No Home For You Here”:

In short, it’s sunk in.

Another one worth re-listening to this evening:

Love that song. That was Rhino Bucket’s “Ride With Yourself.”

Damn, checking out my channel tonight I see that a number of my songs uploaded to youtube aren’t viewable in the U.S. That sucks. Boo.

Another one that’s been on my mind a lot this week especially is The White Stripes’ “Effect and Cause”: