June tunes

“Never Going Back Again”:


Lindsey Buckingham kills it in that live performance. Never tire of watching it. Comes to life for me in a new way this week…

“Useless” by Depeche Mode:

That isn’t one by them I ever paid much attention to until the other day while out walking and listening to my mp3 player. It’s in my collection, yet I never really listened to its lyrics before now.

Depeche Mode – “A Pain That I’m Use To”:

That was their 2013 live performance at Austin City Limits.

I’m not sure
What I’m looking for anymore
I just know
That I’m harder to console
I don’t see who I’m trying to be
Instead of me
But the key
Is a question of control

There’s a hole in your soul
Like an animal
With no conscience
Repentance unknown
Close your eyes
Pay the price for your paradise
Devils feed on the seeds
That are sown

Can’t conceal what I feel
What I know is real
No mistaking the faking
I care
With a prayer in the air
I will leave it there
On a note full of hope
Not despair

Continuing on, here is Depeche Mode’s “Stripped”:

Depeche Mode — “Never Let Me Down Again”:

“John the Revelator” by Depeche Mode:

Yet to ever tire of that tune.

Sitting with “Splitting the Atom” once again

It’s easy. Don’t let it go. Don’t lose it.

These lyrics continue to invade my thoughts at random. How I perceive this is it’s saying that indeed it is easy to let it go and lose it. In short, to lose some important part of ourselves. Therefore aim to resist doing so. And that can’t help but take diligent effort, especially considering all that we’re up against at present. Modern dragons are every bit as ferocious as those of ancient legends, despite the different shapes they may be taking now.

It is easy to let go of what matters more. This concern strikes me regularly enough. Too easy to be lulled into an abyss that proves unworthwhile. A matter plenty of us continue to wrestle with.

Conjures up questions on why we’re motivated as we are. How much of it is worth striving to change and what is better off being accepted? It will divvy up differently depending on each individual. Can’t help but do so.

Full lyrics follow:

The baby was born
Nettles and Ferns
The evening it chokes
The candle it burns
This disguise covers
Bitter lies
Repeating the joke
The meaning it dies
Pass me a coat I’m not afraid to leave
I’m letting you know
I know what you need
I’ll turn you around
This beautiful town
And then you’ll believe it when your eyes then deceive you

It’s easy, don’t let it go
It’s easy, don’t let it go
It’s easy, don’t let it go
Don’t Lose It

Its getting colder outside
Your rented space
They shadow box and they
Paper chase
It never stops
And we’ll never learn
No hope without dope
The jobless return
The bankers have bailed
The mighty retreat
The pleasure it fails
At the end of the week
You take it or leave
Or what you receive
To what you receive
Is eternited leave

It’s easy, dont let it go
It’s easy, dont let it go
It’s easy, dont let it go
Don’t lose it

Incandescent light at doors
In adolescent menopause
In little clicks you got the music stops
The needle sticks and the penny drops
The summer’s gone before you know
The muffled drums of relentless flow
You’re looking at stars that give you Vertigo
The sun’s still burning and dust will blow
Honey-scars I’ll keep you near
Our blood is gold nothing to fear
We killed the time and I love you dear
A kiss of wine we’ll disappear
The last of the last particles
Divisible invisible
The last of the last particles
Divisible invisible

Haunting song that lingers on the imagination…if you let it.

More May tunes

Here’s a song I haven’t heard in quite a while, Björk’s “Army of Me”:

Stand up
You’ve got to manage
I won’t sympathize

And if you complain once more
You’ll meet an army of me
And if you complain once more
You’ll meet an army of me

You’re alright
There’s nothing wrong
Self sufficiency please!
And get to work

And if you complain once more
You’ll meet an army of me
And if you complain once more
You’ll meet an army of me

You’re on your own now
We won’t save you
Your rescue squad
Is too exhausted

Here’s one I discovered in my collection and didn’t even realize I owned. Don’t know how I acquired it. Björk’s “New World”:

A song I’ve long appreciated and listened to an older woman belt out, actually quite beautifully, on karaoke last night, Elton John’s “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me” (here performed lived by him and George Michael):

I can’t light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white
I’m growing tired and time stands still before me
Frozen here on the ladder of my life

Too late to save myself from falling
I took a chance and changed your way of life
But you misread my meaning when I met you
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light

Don’t let the sun go down on me
Although I searched myself, it’s always someone else I see
I’d just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

I can’t find the right romantic line
But see me once and see the way I feel
Don’t discard me just because you think I mean you harm
But these cuts I have they need love to help them heal

A very touching song.

Too tired tonight to post up anymore.

The virtues of gangsta rap

Not in the mood to type much tonight, but after relistening to some of the Rihanna songs posted up on here earlier, I’m moved to state the positive side of gangster rap (after criticizing it numerous times on here) in terms of ways we have benefited from exposure to it.

The main thing is instilling a sense of rebellion and questioning authority. That actually I continue to consider a valuable contribution from rap and hip-hop in general. Can call into attention the corruption of the “powers that be” as well as our own corruption in choosing to milk the System in whatever ways. That’s useful, IMO, to get people thinking about that sort of thing, questioning this reality and what we’re told and how shit breaks down across various socioeconomic lines.

But even when a rap song doesn’t appear to advance that agenda, the aggressiveness of the tunes still can help stimulate that inner angst and bring it to the surface. Because we all know we’re experiencing it, just apparently manifests as anxiety and depression when suppressed. A whole lot of us are not satisfied with what’s been presented to us as the new status quo. People are falling between the cracks, but more than that, we’re all sacrificing our freedoms to this whole new way of life, unprecedented in all of human history — yet we’re acting like we’re on autopilot more often than not and accepting “official” and “expert” narratives without taking time to contemplate deeply for ourselves.

I do. It’s a favorite pastime here. Just what I’m noticing in most folks I encounter out in this great big wilderness we’ve constructed into a concrete jungle society. Best of luck with this phase in the game, folks. Won’t pretend I can adapt to all that is confronting me. Likely can’t. C’est la vie. Telling it like it is there. Blame lack of ambition. That’s fine. It’s more than that, but I’m thoroughly used to how I tend to be perceived by others.

Anyway, stimulating our aggression can have both positive and negative consequences. All depends on what we decide to do with it. And that is impacted by our programming. Input comes from everywhere. No one is immune. But sometimes arousing anger is useful and needed, very necessary. Keeping that spirit alive and appreciated has both its benefits and drawbacks. I understand however many out there desire a world where violence is eradicated and peace is somehow widespread installed, but the way people envision going about bringing that reality into being is what winds up being most troubling. Won’t work as their logic leads them to oftentimes believe, this much I can just about guarantee.

Welcome to the mass of paradoxes known as human life. Have fun sorting out this tangled web. None of us probably ever will be able to. I guess the trick is to not let it drive us too nutty in the meantime. Life has its gifts and blessings — always important to keep that in mind too. Existence is about taking in perspectives. That appears to me what it all ultimately boils down to, fundamentally-speaking. Learn from what we can in terms of navigation and according to what we desire, where we opt to steer ourselves. That’s an individual quest and cannot help but be so. Calls on us and asks of us, whether we choose to heed it or not. That’s what I’m wrestling with currently anyway.

But I am reminded of so many enjoyable rap songs, even the ones that came to feel like guilty pleasures. Walked away from plenty of it and haven’t cared to listen to much new stuff coming out. But still. I can appreciate the value where it’s evident. Conjuring up the “bad motherfucker” state of mind is sometimes necessary and worthwhile.  lol  Sometimes we need to tap into that part of who we are, whether to defend our interests or those of others we care about, or to reject bullshit we see going on. To take a stand. To say “Fuck that!” Not playing the game the way someone else might envision. Stupid to play it that way. Go black market if you need to. Just go entrepreneurial and I’m happy for ya. Do what you need to do.

There are a bunch of “scripts” out here circulating that influence our thinking and impact our modes of action. Get into our heads and convinces us of wrong-headed shit, no matter how good the intentions may be of those who push them. People tend to believe what they hear repeated to them long enough. And that brings us to the downside of too much of gangsta rap’s lyrical content. Unfortunate how much of that turned out. But that’s a topic for another time. Said what I came to say here tonight.

Late December 2015 tunes

Time for a few more tunes in these late night hours.

Beginning with Mumford and Sons’ “Awake My Soul”:

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don’t know
My weakness I feel I must finally show

Lend me your hand and we’ll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I’ll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life

Awake my soul, awake my soul
Awake my soul
For you were made to meet your maker
You were made to meet your maker


Next up, Aerosmith’s “Dream On”:

Every time when I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by, like dusk to dawn
Isn’t that the way
Everybody’s got the dues in life to pay

I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it’s everybody sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life
Is books, written pages
Live and learn from fools and
From sages
You know it’s true, oh
All these feelings come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Been listening to that one a lot recently in my car, as well as the next.

A rendition of George Harrison’s “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” performed here by Tom Petty, Prince, Steve Winwood, Jeff Lynne and others:

I don’t know why nobody told you
How to unfold your love
I don’t know how someone controlled you
They bought and sold you

I look at the world and I notice it’s turning
While my guitar gently weeps
Every mistake, we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps

I don’t know how you were diverted
You were perverted too
I don’t know how you were inverted
No one alerted you

Love so many versions of that song. Timeless, classic, and tirelessly and intensely beautiful.

A top favorite I never tire of, Dobie Gray’s “Drift Away”:

Yes sir…

Day after day, I’m more confused
Yet I look for the light through the pourin’ rain
You know that’s a game that I hate to lose
And I’m feelin’ the strain, ain’t it a shame

Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock ‘n’ roll and drift away
Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock ‘n’ roll and drift away

Beginnin’ to think that I’m wastin’ time
I don’t understand the things I do
The world outside looks so unkind
Now I’m countin’ on you to carry me through

And when my mind is free
You know a melody can move me
And when I’m feelin’ blue
The guitar’s comin’ through to soothe me

Thanks for the joy that you’ve given me
I want you to know I believe in your song
And rhythm and rhyme and harmony
You help me along makin’ me strong

One of the most moving songs on earth so far as I’m concerned.

Another gorgeous song I truly never tire of, “Sittin’ On the Dock (Of the Bay)” (which always does remind me of my Papa, in any rendition, though we listened to Percy Sledge’s version) by Otis Redding here provided by a group known as Playing For Change:

Stumbled across that version of the song a couple years or more ago and appreciate it.

Switching gears slightly, Led Zeppelin’s “Gallows Pole”:

My former companion said that one gained meaning for him over this last summer after our implosion, and he bought me that CD for my birthday in September so I’ve been listening to it and other Zeppelin tunes more since.

One of my own all-time favorite Zeppelin tunes, “When the Levee Breaks”:

Don’t it make you feel bad
When you’re tryin’ to find your way home
You don’t know which way to go?
If you’re goin’ down South
They got no work to do

Cryin’ won’t help you, prayin’ won’t do you no good… no
Cryin’ won’t help you, prayin’ won’t do you no good
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move

All last night sat on the levee and moaned
All last night sat on the levee and moaned
Thinkin’ about my baby and my happy home

Going down.. going down now.. going down…


One more for good measure, Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir”:

Oh all I see turns to brown as the sun burns the ground
And my eyes fill with sand as I scan this wasted land
Trying to find, trying to find where I been

Well, when I want
When I’m on my way, yeah
When I see
When I see the way, you stay, yeah

Ooh, yeah yeah, ooh, yeah yeah, well I’m down, yes
Ooh, yeah yeah, ooh, yeah yeah, well I’m down, so down
Ooh, my baby, ooh, my baby, let me take you there

Oh oh, come on, come on
Oh, let me take you there
Let me take you there

Tunes for late June

Styx — “Fooling Yourself (The Angry Young Man)”:

You see the world through your cynical eyes
You’re a troubled young man I can tell
You’ve got it all in the palm of your hand
But your hand’s wet with sweat and your head needs a rest

And you’re fooling yourself if you don’t believe it
You’re kidding yourself if you don’t believe it
Why must you be such an angry young man
When your future looks quite bright to me
How can there be such a sinister plan
That could hide such a lamb, such a caring young man

You’re fooling yourself if you don’t believe it
You’re kidding yourself if you don’t believe it
Get up, get back on your feet
You’re the one they can’t beat and you know it
Come on, let’s see what you’ve got
Just take your best shot and don’t blow it

You’re fooling yourself if you don’t believe it
You’re killing yourself if you don’t believe it
Get up, get back on your feet
You’re the one they can’t beat and you know it
Come on, let’s see what you’ve got
Just take your best shot and don’t blow it.


Another great song from that band, “Too Much Time On My Hands”:

Yeah I’m sitting on this barstool
Talking like a damn fool
Got the twelve o’clock news blues
And I’ve given up hope for the afternoon soaps
And a bottle of cold brew
Is it any wonder I’m not crazy?
Is it any wonder I’m sane at all?
Well I’m so tired of losing I got nothing to do
And all day to do it
I go out cruisin’
But I’ve no place to go
And all night to get there
Is it any wonder I’m not a criminal?
Is it any wonder I’m not in jail?
Is it any wonder I’ve got
Too much time on my hands,
It’s ticking away with my sanity
I’ve got too much time on my hands,
it’s hard to believe such a calamity
I’ve got too much time on my hands
and it’s ticking away,
ticking away from me
(Too much time on my hands)
It’s tick tick tick tick ticking away
(Too much time on my hands)
And I don’t know what to do with myself
(Too much time on my hands)
(Too much time on my hands),
(Too much time on my hands),
(Too much time on my hands)
Now I’m a jet fuel genius
I can solve the world’s problems
Without even trying
I have dozens of friends and the fun never ends
That is as long as I’m buying
Is it any wonder I’m not the President
Is it any wonder I’m null and void?
Is it any wonder I’ve got
Too much time on my hands,
It’s ticking away with my sanity
I’ve got too much time on my hands,
it’s hard to believe such a calamity
I’ve got too much time on my hands
and it’s ticking away,
ticking away from me
(Too much time on my hands)
Tick tick tick tick ticking away

Personally never had any desire to drink early in the day. Thankfully. ha

Guess I’m on a Styx kick today. “Find The Cost Of Freedom” and “Can’t Find My Way Home”:

We’re blessed to be born into a time when so much amazing art exists to speak to our souls.

“Time to take her home, her dizzy head is conscience-laden…”

A song I’ve heard a thousand times before played on the radio again tonight while I was driving home from a late appointment: Gerry Rafferty’s “Baker Street”:

First time I’ve really stopped and paid close attention to it and now am perusing its lyrics.

Winding your way down on Baker Street
Light in your head and dead on your feet
Well another crazy day, you’ll drink the night away
And forget about everything.

This city desert makes you feel so cold
It’s got so many people but it’s got no soul
And it’s taken you so long to find out you were wrong
When you thought it held everything.

You used to think that it was so easy,
You used to say that it was so easy
But you’re tryin’, you’re tryin’ now.
Another year and then you’d be happy
Just one more year and then you’d be happy
But you’re cryin’, you’re cryin’ now.

Way down the street there’s a light in his place
He opens the door, he’s got that look on his face
And he asks you where you’ve been, you tell him who you’ve seen
And you talk about anything.

He’s got this dream about buyin’ some land
He’s gonna give up the booze and the one night stands
And then he’ll settle down in some quiet little town
And forget about everything.

But you know he’ll always keep movin’
You know he’s never gonna stop movin’
Cause he’s rollin’, he’s a rollin’ stone.
And when you wake up it’s a new morning
The sun is shining, it’s a new morning
But you’re going, you’re going home.

Hmm. Sobering, beautiful song. Epic sound to it. Love the saxophone.

Another that’s been playing in my car recently that I hadn’t listened to in a minute is Stone Temple Pilots’ “Big Empty”:

Drivin’ faster in my car
falling farther from just what we are
smoke a cigarette and lie some more
these conversations kill
falling faster in my car

time to take her home
her dizzy head is conscience laden
time to take a ride
it leaves today no conversation
time to take her home
her dizzy head is conscience laden
time to wait too long
to wait too long

too much walkin’, shoes worn thin
too much trippin’ and my soul’s worn thin
time to catch a ride
it leaves today, her name is what it means
too much walkin’, shoes worn thin

Conversations kill

Well, those conversations are over. I’m not fucking proud of myself these days and haven’t been in a long time. So I’m back at home, working it out without the distraction of the barscene for a spell. It’s already promising to be a long couple of weeks, and so be it. Something’s gotta give.

Tunes for mid-April 2015

One that drifted across my mind again tonight was “Toxicity” by System Of a Down:

How do you own disorder, disorder?

Lived near Memphis at the time this song was first being popularly played on the radio…  That song also happens to remind me a bit of my ex-husband since we lived there together and he really dug this band’s tunes at the time.

Here’s an old favorite, “Copperhead Road” by Steve Earle:

Never tire of that tune.

Another tireless favorite, “Put Your Lights On” by Santana and Everlast:

Switching gears a bit, here’s one I’ve enjoyed for several years now:

That was “Lord, Have Mercy on Me” by Junior Kimbrough. It’s a long one. Really took to that tune right away the very first time I came across it.

That one puts me in the mood for another by him, “Sad Days, Lonely Nights”:

This next one has stayed in the back of my mind ever since first coming across it 5 or so years ago, Ben Harper’s “Where Could I Go”:

There’s no deals to be made with the dawn
Now I fear that our time has come and gone

They say “Freedom is just a place to hide”
Now I’m, I’m coming to You with my arms, my arms, my arms open wide
Oh, won’t you tell me where could I go to the Lord?

Now take a prayer with you to heaven for me
Oh, and give it to the Lord
Give it to the Lord

‘Cause nothing else could save a sinner, sinner like me
Oh, but an Angel’s, Angel’s, Angel’s, Angel’s word
And just an Angel’s word

Now, oh now, what is, what is too true, what is hard is much too true
Oh and what’s true oh, is much too too hard
And now where, where could I go but to the Lord?

Mama was hard on us but we could take it
And Papa didn’t give a damn and he couldn’t fake it

And they say, “Freedom, oh, freedom is just an other place to hide”
Now I’m coming to You with my arms open wide
And tell me where could I go, oh, to the Lord

That’s one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard. Very emotionally evocative, spiritual tune. Really speaks to my soul. Perhaps “freedom” is just another place to hide, at the end of the day. And I wouldn’t know where to tell us to go other than to seek some higher potential. Because that seems the only way to transcend the maze we humans have created for ourselves. Yet still, many of us can’t help but fall short of that ideal. To live as a human is to involve sinning, and I don’t see much way around that. Some more than others. And I’ve never claimed to be a saint.

Starting up this new venue…

The best way to start is to simply get to it. So, as is my custom, I’ll begin this blog off with a song, one I’m sure many are familiar with.

“Bullet With Butterfly Wings” by Smashing Pumpkins:

Lyric excerpt:

The world is a vampire, sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
And what do I get, for my pain
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game

Even though I know, I suppose I’ll show
All my cool and cold, like old job

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Someone will say, “What is lost can never be saved”
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Now I’m naked, nothing but an animal
But can you fake it, for just one more show
And what do you want, I want to change
And what have you got when you feel the same


Because that song rocks. Plus it made an impression on me as a young teen when it came out and it still does. I, for one, continue to feel like an enraged rat in a cage, bewildered and exasperated by modern life and by most people populating the planet alongside me. As this blogging venture fleshes out perhaps the reasons why will become apparent. Cynical as that might come across right now…