Continuing thoughts on violence and threats between the sexes

Picking up where I left off before segueing off into my personal story-sharing. There are bullies out here who try to intimidate people they think they can get away with pushing around, and sometimes those people are men, and to go a step further, sometimes they’re men of higher status (either themselves or their family) used to getting away with their shenanigans due to having access to money to get them out of legal trouble. But anyway, that aside, there are also men who try to be decent for the most part who can be pushed into the red if someone tries at it long and hard enough. That’s what my companion was talking about, stating it as a bit of a warning to womenfolk that they never really know who they’re dealing with until that fateful moment. He then went on to say that the damage inflicted can sometimes be enough to kill a woman, so there’s no guarantee she’ll be granted the opportunity to learn from the experience and go forward as a less antagonistic person. He spends a lot of time around other men who are also very strong from their labors, so I imagine he may have stories in mind there.

I think what he was really driving at there was how young and/or hot-tempered men can overreact or don’t know how to channel their aggression in more productive ways, so a woman incessantly antagonizing them could be poking a bear, even though the guy may typically strive to be peaceful and tries not to react against women with physical force. True. I can imagine this could prove especially challenging to younger men with less life experience and thereby fewer opportunities to figure out how to handle women (and which women are best that they personally avoid to cut down on dangerous drama — fire and ice reaction and all). Or perhaps we could be talking about men who grew up exposed to violence that messed with their heads and sends them into a state of panic when it’s relived.

This describes my ex-husband to a degree. Continue reading

Thinking on males and violence (personal story-sharing)

Still have MRA/MGTOW/”manospherian” arguments and talking points on my mind lately, much as I sometimes wish I didn’t anymore. Got into an interesting conversation the other night with my companion, which I wish had been recorded, where we were discussing violence perpetrated between the sexes and how running of mouths can escalate things. He’s the type of man who doesn’t believe in hitting women, and likely it’d require some major breach for him to act differently (such as a woman attacking him with a lethal weapon or harming his son). The reason he takes this stance is because he is so physically powerful to where there is no question if he chose to hit, the fight would be over in an instant. Plain and simple. And he’s not the kind of man who needs to prove that in order to feel validatated, nor does he attract women who attempt to beat the shit out of him. But he’s no stranger to how women can run their mouths — myself in particular.

We talked about that, as we have already in the past, and I explained to him how my sense of physical powerlessness is likely a big reason for why I sometimes go for the jugular verbally (though I have been working on curbing this tendency for years, with mixed success — consider it something deeply ingrained and rooted in my childhood experiences of trying to defend myself against older males, particularly verbally). That sense of powerlessness that I experience is extremely frustrating to the point where I don’t always know how to handle it and get embarrassed when my last resort is simply to break down and cry because there’s nothing much else I can do in a given situation. It’s a frustrating dilemma, not only as a female but as a short-statured person who spends time socially primarily with males, because not all males are created equal. Some know they’re strong and use that to be intimidating and cruel toward physically weaker people. Over time I’ve learned to sniff out people a bit better so as to attract toward kinder men with higher standards of conduct for themselves, and due to this transition in my social scene I’ve been provided a strong incentive to reel in my own aggressive tendencies since they are overkill when directed at decent men. It’s been a learning process, and not an easy one.

My companion talked about how women running off at the mouth can come up against men who may be decent much of the time but who, once pushed beyond a certain limit, only see red and lash back out forcefully the way they might against a male “punking them out” like that. Yes, I’m aware of this. And this is a big reason why I don’t escalate violence beyond a slap, because I realize I am in no position to defend myself physically without a weapon at the ready. But the reason I have slapped is also generally due to how men can run their mouths and act as if they rule the roost and can act any which way (most offensive when in my own home), or because they grab me and won’t let go.  Some men pride themselves in not outright hitting women, but they may still grab, shove, kick, and physically restrain me. That’s been my experience, and I don’t see my slap as upping the ante any greater than their actions in these cases. But then again, I have been in a few situations (two immediately spring to mind as clear examples) where the man in question went way overboard and did harshly strike or physically damage me disproportionate to my prior actions. And both of those were huge neanderthal types who weren’t too bright and seemed to enjoy their ability to intimidate and manhandle others. Funny thing about both of those men in these examples is that neither would be too quick to get into a serious physical altercation with other men despite their body size and strength — underneath it all they were cowards who preyed upon and started shit with obviously physically weaker people.

Continue reading

Naomi Wolf, Karen Straughan & Antigone Darling discuss feminism (plus my personal thoughts)

This evening I’m watching:

Pausing at 11:30… I actually do like what Naomi Wolf said in that the feminist lens can serve as a useful tool for analysis. That’s true, it can. Theoretically, though acknowledging all analyses not being equal. The trouble is when someone winds up so limited by such a lens that their outlooks get skewed to the point of becoming unfairly biased. We all obviously have our biases and none of us can claim a fully objective perspective, but the stated aim in movements of this nature is to examine society through particular lenses in an effort to understand and perhaps work toward remedying social injustices. My own interest is in better understanding what’s going on without looking to be prescriptive, whereas many involved in these gender-bent movements are pushing for political change and select legal action, that being where I wind up in outfield in these sorts of discussions. But regardless, it’s good to see this panel come together to lay out their perspectives.

Anyway, carrying on…

Pausing at 20:22. Seriously wish Antigone Darling had held her microphone a little further away. Her voice comes across booming on my end and is most difficult to understand.

But I like what she’s saying about how the term “feminism” shouldn’t dominate the dialogue since it’s not supposed to be about either sex lording over the other. It does boil down to individuals ultimately, even as gendered perspectives can prove useful in examinations of social phenomena, just as racial and socioeconomic focuses add to our understanding as well. But, ultimately, these are human matters experienced in whatever which ways by us as individuals. That’s the fundamental starting point.

Pausing at 31:07… Back when I was a freshman and sophomore in college I too looked into the organization N.O.W. and actually donated a little, that being during my own first “wave” of interest in feminism, and I have to say that members within that organization did state some pretty hostile shit. It’s been a long time and I can’t recall anything clearly, just that the sentiment expressed seemed decisively hostile toward males, especially toward those males not closely associated with the feminist movement. That’s just the nature of that organization, and it wound up personally turning me off, for one. Even during a time when I felt pretty hostile about men my damn self, and justifiably so at that point in time IMO. Probably for me it came down to seeing N.O.W. representatives were acting rabid and figuring eventually they would wind up trampling on the rights of women too if given enough power. Just because an organization claims to advocate on behalf of women doesn’t make it any less vulnerable to corruption, most especially if it’s angling for political clout.

Pausing at 40:48… Gotta say it — I get where all of them are coming from. Both Naomi and Karen make good arguments, but what seems to be lacking from Karen’s analysis is just how much of a role Abrahamic religions have played over the last nearly 4,000 years and in how they absolutely have redefined many people’s gender roles accordingly (as determined by their interpretations of scriptures, which has, over time, divvied up in different ways). That’s no small matter. Because religions have been losing their stranglehold on humankind since the Enlightenment Era that still in no way eradicates prior history which, for several thousands of years, was patriarchal. Not everywhere on the globe necessarily, but notably where Abrahamic religions had influence. The documents themselves (e.g., the Bible and Torah) may be interpreted differently, but for the vast majority of people subjected to it it was taken as placing males in leadership roles in most (if not every) aspect of society. It cast the role of that which they call “God” as male in the image of male-dominated hierarchy structures that had arisen somewhere within the 3,000 years leading up to the formation of the major Abrahamic religions.

Humans are evolving, both socially and biologically, and the rise of domineering male-dominated hierarchies are a notable part of our not-so-distant history. It’s still close enough in the rear-view mirror that these religions continue to exert influence (though it’s morphed into a bastardized political power-grabbing vehicle since its inception, practically devoid of its spiritual content by this point), obviously, hence why there’s this big “war” being waged between atheists and various types of theists across societies nowadays. Those religions proved bigoted (particularly in practice) on every level and in one form or fashion against all groups of people, but so goes the evolution of social dynamics during the rise of civilizations. Economics were a major factor as well, and I’d argue men originally played into that scheme better than women did or could have, they being unshackled by the physical limitations imposed by pregnancies and child-rearing. Biology dictated so much until just a very short time ago when advanced technologies afforded women unprecedented control over our fertility (which then called for political action to get laws to recognize and protect access to). That was a significant game-changer.

As was the reign of patriarchal religions and their spread via imperialist endeavors. To acknowledge the gains achieved legally in modern times while saying nothing about the social setup (other than the purely biological component) that claimed dominance over many cultures dating back hundreds or thousands of years that had a profound influence on how roles divvied up and impacted human psychologies to the core is, I believe, disingenuous and just as biased as feminists who focus on history over a century ago and then skip back to talk of our primitive pasts without appreciating what political feats have been accomplished in most recent times. Both wind up being skewed perceptions because they’re geared toward standing in opposition to one another rather than assimilating data so as to form a more well-rounded comprehension of events leading up to where we stand today. Not all of us have come to stand in equal places, and I’ll argue class divisions remain extremely relevant, perhaps now more than ever as we’ve experienced power centralizing in organizations, businesses, and the State (welcome to the Heyday Age of Economics as ruler of all); and though I don’t personally subscribe to the notion that equal outcomes on all conceivable matters is the ideal, the level of disparities made possible in modern times is simply astounding (namely between the haves and have-much-fucking-less) and will prove to be unsustainable. Humans are too jealous to accept that outcome — blame evolution there too and look into literature on primate behavior to see relevant similarities.

This is why I say that what we call patriarchy isn’t so much about each individual man being invested with greater power over women and children (though that slant is most definitely central to Abrahamic religions, at least in terms of fathers and leaders), it’s about there being a shift toward more of a masculine-oriented style of organization of societies during the rise of civilizations. Likely because the masculine orientation could be harnessed and utilized to build up these civilizations at that stage in the game. Nowadays we’re confronted with different demands, namely conformity, and that’s where utilizing womankind (and feminine-oriented styles) generally proves more advantageous (at least for those standing to benefit from such a construct, depending on how we wish to look at this matter). From my own view, this is more a story of how power concentrates and culminates into making modernity possible, for better or worse, and both men and women, generally speaking, have been and will continue to be used along the way in satisfying these objectives.

At some point it almost seems irrelevant whether wealthy interests are steering this ship or if the hand of fate is doing so. In a real sense, it’s virtually all the same.

Pausing at 44:04… I didn’t find the audiobook Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus useful either.

Pausing at 48:12… I don’t like how the moderator cut that conversation off about rape, and I also don’t like how Naomi Wolf jumped to calling Karen a “rape apologist” without hearing out her assertion. The thing is that Karen’s right there: oftentimes rape does wind up coming down to a he said/she said matter so far as legality is concerned. There really is no crystal-clear, unambiguous definition of what might be considered “rape” today. It’s one of those subjective claims that can be very difficult for outsiders to assess given that we weren’t present for whatever transpired. False claims of rape can and do occur. Also, bonafide rapes can and frequently enough still do tend to go unreported (noting that reports of sexual attacks from complete strangers very often are reported to police, just not so much when between intimates and acquaintances). I personally blame (at least in part) the focus shifting to expecting legal measures alone to remedy these problems when it’s undeniably a moral and spiritual matter at its core. It’s a question of respect between individuals, whether male or female, flowing in both directions. The problem is with people using one another, either because they’re intoxicated and can’t put up effective resistance,  or because opportunity knocks, or because one wishes to extort money through chicanery, or whatever. All are examples of serious disrespect, and both males and females have proven willing and able to exploit one another. That’s the underlying concern here, so far as I see it.

Pausing at 50:00… Yes, I agree with Antigone there. Hormonal contraceptives are a serious issue impacting women specifically but also appears to be impacting society more generally too. We as Americans (and perhaps Canadians can relate too) are being over-saturated with hormones, from oral contraceptives to foods to plastics (and even marijuana as well, since weed contains phytoestrogens). That’s an important consideration, though I don’t think it needs to be addressed by feminists alone. Especially considering the impact such hormones appear to be having on offspring. Much more research needed there.

The concern about American people’s—and mostly especially women’s (since more females willingly go this route than males thus far)—reliance on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety prescription pills is pointing out a worrisome trend, I agree. And if people do their research and delve back into the history of the field of psychiatry, they will learn how women had been its preferred guinea pigs for many decades. That’s a major concern, and it impacts men too seeing as how they have to live with and/or around us (not to mention now many young boys are being targeted for psychiatric diagnoses; plus, returning soldiers are being increasingly medicated for PTSD). Men also work with us women. They must share a society with us. And we’re being fed a dangerous lie based on largely unsubstantiated quasi-scientific “theories” that are proving extremely profitable for those tied in with the fields of biochemistry/pharmacology and related marketing/advertising.

Strongly agreed that those are both serious issues begging to be reckoned with that potentially impact us all.

Finished viewing the video. On a final note, I agree that weapons deserve to be brought up on these topics if we’re going to focus on concerns about safety and protecting our rights and well-being. Feminists are especially prone toward dismissing that option, IME, which has for a long time blown my mind. Why wouldn’t women want to do what is in their ability to ensure that they don’t wind up victims of unwarranted violence? And nothing spells out equal quite as succinctly as an equalizer, which firearms indeed can indeed be. They (potentially, if successfully executed) bring stopping power to the situation, whether when defending against a bigger and stronger attacker(s) or one individual wielding a weapon himself/herself. There does come a time to take matters into our own hands instead of waiting for the State to fight our battles for us. Granted, it’s bullshit that opportunists try to take advantage of others, but that’s unfortunately an inescapable fact of life and it won’t be eradicated any time soon. Might help to curb that end of spectrum of the gene pool if it refuses to act respectfully. (But even there I realize it devolves down into a he said/she said dispute in the legal system in trying to prove one’s right to utilize lethal force allegedly in self-defense. If the supposed offending party is rendered dead and there were no other witnesses, who then really knows what was what?)

Anyway, very good video and discussion. Body language gave away that Naomi and Karen weren’t too fond of one another, but so be it. Still seemed productive that they all sat down and at least tried to broach these topics.

[Lightly edited once again 1/31/2015 for typos and greater clarity.]

Violence is committed by humans, not males exclusively (as is evident)

Watched a few of bane666au’s videos before and listening to this one currently, “Violence is not something done by men, its something done by humans”:

At the 12:38 mark now. Not big into listening to talk radio/podcasts…but I get that it’s illustrating Australian mainstream attitudes.

Since I’ve been on youtube it’s been interesting observing how European and Australian “mainstreams” seem a little more “liberal” than our “mainstream” in the U.S. Not that the terms “liberal” and “conservative” are very meaningful anymore, but just sayin’ that Europe and Australia actually appear to be way more into feminism. Blame John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, and a history brimming with rebellion for masculinity not being completely castrated over here yet. But give people time. Ever greater ‘domestication’ appears to be coming for all whether we like it or not.

Now finished, I dug the second half’s conversation and am in total agreement that violence is a human issue, not merely a men’s issue, and it deserves to be treated as such. Not all forms of violence divvy up equally between the sexes obviously, but still the fact remains that humans are a potentially violent lot. That’s just the way it is.

Hence why I never fully grasp those who take my videos as me castigating males for being potentially violent. They are. As am I. Such is life. My own concern has more to do with how we’re unnecessarily pushing one another’s buttons and creating more contention than need be. Life’s hard enough without us all jumping to take sides and go to “war” with one another over every social issue in sight, and through all the antagonism going ’round I do expect more violent outbreaks in fed-up individuals going forward. That applies to both males and females. Sometimes I’m focusing on males, other times I’m focusing on females, and oftentimes I’m just thinking about people in general. Violence happens. Always has, always will. It’s more a question of why and how and to what extreme.