Observing people on a Sunday afternoon while at the “beach”

Always strikes me as funny to refer to anything in this land-locked Midwestern state as a “beach,” but that’s what the locals call their riverside recreational area. Nice spot actually. It’s where my best guyfriend likes to go to lay out and catch some rays, so I accompanied him yesterday as I occasionally do.

Loads of families were there, as to be expected. Several couples also. What was interesting to me was the diversity of the crowd. Considering this “flyover state” is known for being white bread, most probably wouldn’t expect to see such a wide spectrum of colors and ethnicities all intermingled. Likely not the case outside of this metro and in the more rural areas, but here we all are in the big city.

A large group of Africans were there, playing in the water off at the end. All seemed pretty friendly. Watched them interact while we were wading in up to our thighs, taking a break to cool off. They have a dramatically emotional flair to them, which I find interesting as a highly emotional person myself. And not a one of them seemed concerned about getting their hair wet, that being a stereotype associated particularly with black women. But these were people of direct African descent, not our stereotypical black Americans.

Speaking of which, farther down the beach I noticed a good-looking black female with a good-looking Asian male. She too didn’t seem concerned about getting her hair wet, which leads me to assume that must’ve been her natural hair. Was very pretty.

A group of Hispanic people were out there too, though I only saw their kids get in the water while the adults remained clothed and chatted amongst themselves near the periphery of the “beach.”

Nearer to our blankets were a black American couple, both middle-aged and very attractive. He was reading a book in his chair while she got in the water. She too had her own natural hair and had no hesitation about swimming or getting sand in it. I like to see people’s natural hair rather than the “hair hats” that Tommy Sotomayor makes such a big deal about. He’s right — weaves have a lot of downsides and not enough upsides to make them worth it. Not being free to swim or even scratch one’s scalp sounds incredibly unappealing.

I bring this up because once it grew time for us to leave about 6:30pm, the parking lot was filling up with black Americans who had arrived. And to be honest, I was glad we were leaving by that point. The weave-wearers had shown up, along with sporting the attitudes many of us have to come to expect from them. Some might say it’s racist to simply state it like that, but I don’t care. The word racist has been played out and rendered meaningless anyway. My main point is that there was a distinct difference between the black folks (mostly African but also a handful of black Americans) who were there in the afternoon versus the black Americans showing up as evening approached. You could see it in their body language immediately.

Each day I ponder on the direction society is headed in, and while I acknowledge that racial identities can be complex and that plenty shouldn’t be judged in accordance with a stereotypical mold, I observe those who epitomize such stereotypes as well. Am not color-blind and won’t pretend to be so. Stupid to expect that from people. We all do notice, whether we’re willing to admit it.

Laying there roasting in the sun, I got to thinking about the Africans I’ve known and how many of them openly disdain our American blacks. Don’t see themselves as belonging to the same in-group at all. They don’t wish to be lumped into that shared category because they see themselves (and their varied nations of origin) as being distinct culturally and unaligned with the American Black narrative. They get frustrated by them. So they opt to self-segregate away from our black Americans. Interesting. I wonder if they too left when the weave-wearers showed up. Perhaps. And would anyone accuse them of racism for doing so?  lol

Nothing wrong with avoiding unnecessary drama.

A part of me feels a bit bad for the (stereotypical) black American currently seeing as how so many of them appear to be ruled by an inferiority complex that leads them to behave and act out in ways that only further confirms the stereotype in the minds of others, resulting in increasing social tensions. It’s set up a conundrum that can’t easily be remedied at this point in history. The past can’t be allowed to fade away since so many feel deeply invested in it, yet ruminating over the past is proving to be bondage in a new way as it’s carried forth into the future. While I can understand the habit of lamenting the past, there’s no way forward if you look out upon all others as racists unceasingly aiming to hold you back. And others don’t care for being viewed that way either, hence why we might walk away. But we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t. If we leave you to it, we’re racist. If we stay and stand our ground, we’re racist. If we tell you what you want to hear, we’re racist. If we speak openly and plainly without putting your feelings first, we’re racist. Surely if we just sit there mute we’re probably still regarded as racist.

People tire of that shit. It’s exhausting to deal with. Feels like mental loops and traps. A rigged game. No longer about individuals interacting but instead an obstacle course where if the right things aren’t said or the right demeanor isn’t displayed, we’re going to be called out, nevermind what’s actually going on in our minds or how much we aimed to not offend. I can’t stand for my motivations to be assumed based on some ridiculous narrative. If you want to know why I say what I say or do what I do, just ask me. Pretty good about speaking straight. Yet this is what we constantly hear these days, these assumptions that everybody out here is motivated by racism. Couldn’t possibly be that we just wish to avoid unnecessary drama that we’ve come to associate with certain types of people. Often it isn’t based on race solely, as demonstrated by people’s openness toward the Africans.

In short, it’s not skin color alone that is the focal point– it’s the attitudes and actions that stereotypically accompany them across however many persons. Yes, white folks can be assholes too, and nobody would claim otherwise. Since some wish to ascribe motivations to those of other races, I’ll feel free to do the same in pointing out what appears to be an inferiority complex among too many black Americans. Inferiority/superiority complex since it swings to wild extremes, even within the same individual. On one hand loudly protesting assimilating into the wider “white-dominated” culture and its laws, while simultaneously wailing about people avoiding them and/or not including them. But when you show up to say that we’re all a bunch of shits who inherently look down upon you, yes, you become a bummer to be around. And when you act as if your feelings should matter more than all else, you’re setting up a one-sided situation where either people won’t be honest with you or, if they are, will only offend you. Which then can turn nasty in an instant.

You tell me who’s got time for that?

We just wanted to enjoy a relaxing day at the “beach” among others doing the same, sans dealing with bullshit and loud attitude problems. The Africans were all cool. The interracial couple were cool. The middle-aged black American couple were cool. All the various shades of “white” folks lying on their towels or playing with their kids were cool. And then…who showed up and brought tension?

It’s not racist to state it plain. If people wish to be perceived differently in the eyes of others, it’s on them to make some changes. But I know too well how hardheaded humans tend to be, particularly those who pander to a grievance industry, so I assume tensions will just keep escalating until greater problems arise. Don’t wish to see that unfold, but how can it be prevented when people don’t wish to take personal responsibility or to compromise? Concessions have already been made, and many of them. The ball is in the other court — can we upgrade this game finally or should we just keep allowing our society to grow divided and hostile?

“Psychology of Redemption in Christianity”

A lot of truth spoken there…

This “asshole” speaks (a.k.a. pregnancy and motherhood ought to matter, but does it anymore?)

All right. I’ve had a little time to cool down (and sober up) since my last posting about the late-term pregnant bitch drinking in the bar. And yes, I call her a bitch intentionally, though I do not know her personally or her situation and don’t give a damn what her excuses may be. Anyway, I’ve discussed this matter with a few of my people as well as a few bar-pals. Come to find out, the barpals don’t take issue with this like I do. In fact, they seemed more disgruntled with me bringing it up than with her actions. No bar-pal (though all my other friends were pissed about this pregnant woman reportedly (i.e., taking my word for it) observed drinking AND smoking either cigarettes and/or herb on her night out) had shit to say against her decision to drink and smoke while pregnant but me. So, once again, I come across as the asshole. Must be simply picking on a poor pregnant woman for no reason whatsoever. Apparently. What a jerk I must be.

The bar-pal (and off-duty bartender) who was playing pool with the out-to-here(!) pregnant woman claims she was only drinking wine spritzers. But I could’ve sworn I saw her drinking a blue drink and we have nothing in that bar to turn a drink blue that doesn’t contain liquor. And that says nothing about her smoking weed and/or cigarettes as well. Either way, probably not a safe place to hang around in when you’re that pregnant. Too many fights break out in that bar. Kind of a rough joint. And no one is bound to look out for your interests there, not the bartenders or your fellow patrons. We all go in there with the understanding that we’re on our own. Won’t likely find any backup if problems arise. Just every human for him/herself in there. The type of place it is. Very different in that regard than other watering holes I typically frequent.

Anyway, I understand this isn’t just about one woman misbehaving. Goes deeper than that on a few levels for me. First off, I do tire of certain women being given a free pass from judgment and scrutiny and exempted from criticism. Look, I get criticized all the time, and quite publicly and loudly sometimes. People like to tell me they think I can handle it, that I can “take care of myself.” Well, so can other women. That’s how we learn to do so, by being exposed to getting our feelings hurt and being challenged. Lord knows I get challenged pretty regularly, particularly by men. And a part of me does wonder how come other women seem to be granted a pass in this department, especially when they’re fucking up in arguably worse (and more immediate) ways. But when I ask people about this I tend to receive a bunch of excuses in the other woman’s favor. She somehow can’t help it. Perhaps she’s hurting right now. Perhaps she’s looking for something she’s lacking. Perhaps she doesn’t know any better. Perhaps this outcome is somehow better than her choosing to abort instead. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. But I have to wonder where these white knights are when I need backing and help. AWOL. Why? Because I apparently am obviously capable of fighting my own battles and discerning right from wrong, they like to say. Okay. Interesting how that winds up being a double-standard. Especially when I have a proven track record of NOT screwing men over with unwanted pregnancies or using a baby to extract income from a man or the State. And I do aim to remain as reasonable as I can, however well I accomplish that.

But that aside, I’m mostly perturbed because I see the writing on the wall for us as a society, and I also comprehend that womenfolk are just as much responsible for where we’re (collectively) actively headed as the menfolk, if not a tad more so. Motherhood is a major responsibility not to be taken lightly and those who act selfishly and drop the ball in a major way leave lasting psychological scars on their offspring, as should be clearly evident by now. This is an important role, perhaps THE most important when it comes to a child’s well-being and proper development. And yet I look out and see so many skanks behaving poorly, treating their youngens like lottery tickets to cash in so as to make their own lives more comfortable. I see men abandoning responsibility too, so don’t get what I’m saying here twisted — just that a grave responsibility lies with mothers in particular since there is truth in us being the ultimate gatekeepers when it comes to sexual access and opting to bring pregnancies to full term. And we know this. Not a secret. We women are not simply victims of circumstance. We have options that we damn-well can pursue if we want to, that being the beauty of the technological age we live in. Yet we squander so much of the power we do possess and instead like to try playing the victim more often than not. It’s embarrassing to observe and reflects poorly on the Feminist movement as a whole, that much is for sure. Gives the distinct impression that plenty of women aren’t actually interested in achieving “equality” but instead would rather corner the market on power to benefit themselves, even at the expense of men, their children, and society as a whole. Winds up looking awfully selfish in the end. The entitlement complex is unbecoming no matter who is sporting it these days…

Then there’s the moral question pertaining to bringing life into being that we don’t actually want and/or respect and, conversely, are using to suit our own ends. Not about the child or the other parent. More about our own egos and feelings of righteous indignation that leads to subversive actions taken against respect for the importance of family. Suddenly it’s all about one parent doing whatever she wants, everyone else be damned. If you aren’t going to fully respect and appreciate the child, why bring them into being? And if you are only going to harm them and possibly dampen their IQ due to your own recklessness, then you are the true asshole. Your selfishness has gone too far, and I don’t care what your girlfriends might like to tell you inversely. They are trying to justify their own problematic behaviors and choices. Misery loves company — that never ceases to be true. Children require love and proper guidance — that too never ceases to be true.

Pay attention to how many children are coming up these days in inadequate conditions in single mother households. You might like to believe your household may prove to be an exception, but the odds are against you. And any thinking woman can see that in advance. Pregnancies and motherhood aren’t something to treat casually, and I say this as someone who’s reckoned with these concerns all my life thus far. It’s not always easy. I’ve had opportunities to fuck over men and play the State as well, yet I opted not to, not because I am a wonderful person but because I am cognizant of how bad and deficient as a parent (particularly as a single parent) I would likely prove to be. Got enough issues. Yet most women don’t take time apparently to consider this deeply. Won’t. Refuse to take a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror and change course. Will not do so. Why? Because of wishful thinking? Everything will somehow magically fall into place the way you’d like it to simply because? Because you deserve to have it all? Because you believe yourself to somehow be above fucking up a kid psychologically and emotionally just by virtue of you being you, with no deeper introspection given to the matter? Because you figure kids are all resilient and are capable of walking off any and all damage done to them in childhood? Really it’s because you’re not stopping to think deeply enough on these matters and would rather throw your hands in the air and let the pieces fall where they may as if you have no real say or control in the situation. And THAT’S a serious problem with the victim mentality permeating our society at present.

The last thing we need right about now are more thugs and broken people added to the mix. Have enough of them already. Enough people get hurt by them as is. Yet women are the predominant gatekeepers capable of reducing this problem, if we so choose. But few care to take the matter seriously, as is apparent. “Fuck it,” they like to say. “Not my problem,” they say. Well, whose problem is it then? Always pain paying forward. Current generation doesn’t want to take responsibility for shit, so just let the next sort out the matter on their own, like a bunch of baby-boomers. Don’t want a youngen coming between us and our good time, right? Don’t want to exercise self-control when it’s most needed since that is hard and less fun.

I know. Seen it all play out time and time and time again. We all have. And it’s sickening. Yet we’re not supposed to pipe up and say shit lest we be considered assholes for doing so. I do know. Been down this road many times now and nothing ever changes. The stupid keep procreating like mad and don’t give a damn about the consequences. The reasonably smart try to avoid such pitfalls and then get blamed by others for not procreating since some are concerned about the number of idiots who are (procreating must remain a competition, even in this day and age). Can’t win for losing anymore. But to hell with most folks and their ridiculous expectations. Not worth paying mind to half the time, particularly when they argue for such drivel. A child deserves to be brought into a situation where he or she is wanted by both parents, and hopefully extended family as well. Otherwise they wind up behind the 8 ball right out the gate, and how is that worthwhile?

All they need is to be used as pawns by adults with agendas who are more concerned with their own security and comforts than the healthy upbringing of their children.

And yet I am the asshole for pointing this out. Okay. Whatever.

To paraphrase a Chinese proverb, if we keep on this way we’ll indeed wind up where we’re headed. Just wait and find out. Go ahead and try to hide your head in the sand until your day of reckoning rolls around…

“Harvard Talk: Postmodernism & the Mask of Compassion”

Another great talk from Dr. Jordan Peterson:

Dispatches from the barscene

Because I am apparently incapable of or at least uncooperative about getting sober at this point in time.

Tonight I witnessed a woman who was visibly pregnant (asked her and confirmed it)  DRINKING AND SMOKING while out at our bar. Fucked me all up to witness it. I don’t give a DAMN what your excuse might be, that is seriously FUCKED UP. That unborn child has to live with the ramifications. No question. That IMO is WRONG AS HELL. Not that this is the first time I’ve encountered a late-term pregnant woman up in a bar choosing to behave this way.

Makes me hate myself that I am even there to see it. That I am even breathing the same oxygen. FUCK YOU if you are that kind of mother-to-be. FUCK YOU ENTIRELY! To hell with you. Ain’t nothing better gonna stem from this.

She was a white woman. Stating it plain. Last one I dealt with was a black woman, so let’s keep it all straight. Obviously only cares about herself, about what welfare benefits she might access. No fucks given for her unborn child. I watched her tonight. Interacted with her. No FUCKS GIVEN FOR THAT POTENTIAL CHILD. And her belly was big enough that her navel was protruding, hence why I even asked about her state of being and felt confident I wouldn’t mistakenly offend her.

That is UTTER BULLSHIT. PERIOD. Your body is the unborn’s first environment. YOU KNOW THAT! Not a secret. Fuck this irresponsible BULLSHIT. I don’t have kids myself because I at least recognize my own lackings in that department. My own irresponsibility. Therefore, I do everything in my own power to not get pregnant. Yet we have these fucking bitches out here in society who give no fucks and have kids willy-nilly, often with men who don’t desire the kids, while behaving like jackasses throughout their pregnancies. Very tough to observe.

And yet they like to act like they are morally superior for not undergoing an abortion? But how so??!! YOU ARE THIS POTENTIAL CHILD’S FIRST ENVIRONMENT. If she can’t maintain that respectably, then what can you justifiably expect from her thereon?? The unborn are entirely dependent ON YOU. Yes, motherhood matters. More than some apparently seem to realize. Yet our criminal justice system can’t stop them. And yet nobody is willing in this PC culture day and age to say to these women that this is FUCKED UP. PERIOD. Not okay. No excuses. Don’t care how bad your ex mistreated you, nor how poorly you might’ve been raised. Doesn’t matter now once you assume responsibility for raising another human being. That’s a HUGE obligation, hence why I personally choose not to undertake it. Yet the vast majority do and some don’t seem to care if they damage their youngens’ chances right out the gate. That cool with the rest of you out there?

People like to tell me how immoral of a woman I am for having been an escort in my 20s. Had to listen to a guy cuss me out about that just a week ago. In my mid-30s now. Doesn’t seem to matter how long ago I gave that up or what I care to say about it. And yet I still had the sense to recognize early on that family planning is important and that I didn’t want to wind up being a single mom. I understood that during my early teen years. However, so many mothers like to act like I am some kind of “sell out” for not following in their footsteps and choosing to experience what they have. Which is insane, flat out. Why would I wish to be wrapped up in family court with a man who wants no part in helping raise a kid he didn’t expect to create? Why? Who is this truly fair for? Not the kid(s), not the father(s), and often not the mother either despite her holding more control than the other parties involved.

Worth pondering on.

I get sick of this shit. Would like to go out drinking without a pregnant woman showing up and injuring my morale. Fucks up my spirit. Makes me feel like a bad person for even sharing space with such individuals. Hence why I left promptly. Such bullshit. How is that NOT a crime?? How come so many people accept that nonsense? How come we as a society continue to ignore such behavior just because a female commits it? How do we ignore that? How do we pretend it doesn’t matter?

Yet, let a father fall behind on child support payments and we all get our pitchforks out.

It’s messed up, that’s what I am saying.

Distancing music

By that I specifically am referring to creating distance from social and/or romantic entanglements as can prove necessary. But whatever else may be applicable.

Beginning with Stabbing Westward’s “Save Yourself”:

That one probably sticks with me since it came out in my early teen years. Heard it many, many times over the years. True sentiment expressed there in the chorus.

Cedric Burnside’s “Washy My Hands”:

A true artist there. The real deal. Grandson of the great R.L. Burnside.

Firefall’s “Strange Way”:

Led Zeppelin’s “Since I’ve Been Loving You”:

That was “Won’t Get Fooled Again” by The Who.

“Lunatic Fringe” by Red Rider:

Sometimes shit just doesn’t work out. Can’t. Too many problems, too many incompatibilities. Of course I’m still referring to the same situation I’ve been involved in for several years now. But whatever. Think we both understand by now how much this isn’t working. Gotta leave it alone and let it rest, go our own ways. Being retardedly magnetically attracted to one another hasn’t served us well over time.

But I don’t regret the relationship, and he says the same. Learned a lot from it. We now have our own individual problems needing to be tended to, and we don’t accomplish that well in one another’s presence. A hard lesson learned again and again throughout time. But he’s not a bad guy. We do appreciate one another. Just became an unworkable situation. C’est la vie. Problems are cumulative. But I do feel like a better person after having known that man, crazy as we drove one another. Learned a lot. Some of which he intended to teach but also plenty that he did not. Either way, he’s family and will remain so regardless of what the future brings. He acknowledges this as well. Both so tired of this sad situation not appreciably improving enough.

Life is what it is. Nobody promised us a rose garden. BUT our own conduct and choices do matter an awful lot. Undeniably. Not all simply random chance roll of the dice. We do impact this unfolding, obviously. The development of our individual potential is on us and can’t be fully determined by anybody else, no matter what we may go through with them. The blame game is one of the oldest obstacles confronting humankind. The responsibility ultimately lies with us as individual persons. Fault is one thing, but responsibility is entirely another. Can’t be helped. Such is life.

There are so many good things out here in the world. Good and bad, but still there is good too. Opportunities. So many reasons to remain curious. So much to learn and inspect. It’s going to be okay, or at least it will be what it will be. We only have so much control when up against Nature. But what control we do possess does matter. More than we seem to realize.

Absolute hooligans (a.k.a. how to ensure racism remains alive and growing)

And here’s what I believe is the original twitter uploading of this video: https://twitter.com/quefieri/status/861042019023671296

What fucking assholes! Seriously.

There’s so much more I’d like to say, but it will have to wait for another time.