Eighteen years later (the Columbine school shooting and its aftermath)

Reflecting back on an event from April 20th, 1999:

Sue Klebold, mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters who committed the Columbine High School massacre, years later granted an interview with 20/20:

The other shooter’s name was Eric Harris. Son of a retired U.S. Air Force pilot father and a homemaking mother.

Both families appeared middle-class and stable, not what one might expect to generate hooligans of that magnitude.

A couple of their friends agreed to an interview in 2000:

Sue Klebold speaking out about suicidal tendencies and living in the aftermath of her son’s crime on TEDMED (Feb. 2017):

Can’t say that I share her faith in psychiatric drugs to remedy this malady considering how often it’s born out of a sense of nihilism and existential reckoning. Altering brain chemistry alone can’t infuse someone’s life with meaning or erase our personal problems. And occasionally the main problem is bigger than that, as with psychopathy. Furthermore, drugs prescribed to treat depression can actually worsen it. As in inducing a condition called Tardive Dysphoria where prolonged antidepressant use leads to chronic depression. Or the drugs themselves may simply stop proving effective over time. Not to mention all the other unwanted side effects. Then there’s the problem with increased aggressiveness and suicidality in youths prescribed these drugs, despite many years of active targeting and marketing of these drugs toward young age groups, which is inevitably ushering in new class action lawsuits against Big Pharma companies. Also read somewhere about how antidepressant drugs marketed today have no better clinical success rate than placebos for many, if not most, people.

Stuff to keep in mind and to research more in-depth for oneself. It’s become too easy of an answer to keep pushing drugs and “mental health services” on youths experiencing social and interpersonal problems as well as depressing symptoms and anxiety, and how much good is it really doing? Why should it even be necessary for so many people in general nowadays to be labeled according to psychiatric standards and prescribed a drug? Why is modern life proving that difficult to cope with for this many people across the West? Sounds like an existential issue at bottom, not one that can be medicated away.

Anyway… Continuing on with Kacey Johnson, survivor of the Columbine shooting, speaking up now as a mother herself:

Colin Flaherty is too often misunderstood

I am a fan of the man’s channel. On break from watching it much lately, focusing attention on other matters. But his content is a showcase of what’s happening out in society. He’s not making this stuff up — he’s documenting it very publicly. For doing this, some folks accuse him of racist motives and dismiss his material presented. Swept away and ignored. Out of sight, out of mind. People say it about him so it must be true, right? Wrong.

First off, it doesn’t matter what his motives might be — his content stands on its own merits. He’s opted to turn his focus to black crimes news because a disproportionate and significant amount of crime in this country is currently being committed by black people. It’s a relevant topic. Very much so. This is impacting all of society. Stating facts isn’t racist. Can telling the verified truth be racist?

Colin Flaherty doesn’t offer up speculation on why there’s a higher crime rate within the American black community. In fact, he resists doing so even when asked by interviewers. Because to him that isn’t what’s most relevant. What is is that VIOLENT CRIMES ARE BEING COMMITTED AND IMPACTING ALL OF SOCIETY.

Many have been asking why for years. Politicians responded by orchestrating the funneling of evermore financial aid to poor (also disproportionately black) citizens and inner-city schools, as well as implementing anti-discrimination legislation and affirmative action programs in workplaces and universities. Measures have been taken, yet black crime remains on the rise. Why? Who knows?

Dr. Thomas Sowell answered that the very problem lies in these social welfare programs and altered racial standards. But who listens to him anyway? People claim to want answers but won’t accept any that are provided. Won’t even take time to consider the proffered answer if it doesn’t fit the narrative one wishes to believe. So then we bog down arguing over which cause(s) are most likely the culprit…and the problem worsens while we’re all sitting around bickering and accusing people of racism.

Meanwhile Colin Flaherty is offering up abundant evidence of what is actually going on, year after year and with no signs of relenting, regardless of what theories are being tossed around to explain it.

Can we deal with the facts as they are here on the ground? Is it now racist to point out reality?

The truth’s not always pleasant, but we still have to deal with it. This is the current situation. And if you pay attention to some of the people involved in the crimes he documents, they’ll give you clues as to why they do what they do. Some show clear signs of feeling entitled to do so and are themselves racist toward members of other races and indifferent toward the lives of members of their own. Or at least that’s how their words and actions come across to me. You can form your own judgments.

The videos and news stories shared by Colin Flaherty form a collection of data to support his assertion not only that black-on-everybody-else crime is persistent and increasing but also the quality of violence is remarkable. That’s worth taking serious note of. (Might provide a couple more clues as to why this keeps happening.)

Plenty of black people themselves state that there is severe dysfunction within the black community (despite often resulting in them being bombarded by their fellow blacks with accusations of being “race traitors,” “coons” and “uncle toms” — further proving how swiftly and surely hostility arises when anyone dares to make the black kids angry). And that spills out and affects everybody else in society, hence why it is our business and we’re curious to learn information about it. Colin’s channel is one that offers that. It’s not racist to want to be honestly informed.

This is where deflections like to enter the conversation, redirecting our attention back to select cases of white crime and claims of “white supremacy” and “racism” (a worn-out accusation if there ever was one). How does “white supremacy” make you a criminal in this day and age? Especially considering how much social and financial aid this tragically “racist” society doles out to black Americans and actively panders to their political causes. Yet that’s not enough — it’s even viewed by some vocal folks out here as not amounting to squat. There’s something wrong with all the rest of us apparently. We’re the culprits. We’re all to blame. Apparently because we deserve mistreatment. Is that not the message being sent?

Anyway, Colin doesn’t get too wrapped up in the ins and outs, preferring to keep his own message straight-forward in identifying the crimes taking place. That’s what he’s about. And I, for one, am glad that he’s willing to do so. It’s not too comfortable showing people what they do not wish to see or hear about. But it’s not his fault if others can’t handle the truth. There’s a problem here that must be addressed. People, including many black people as well, are dying as a result of all this lawless behavior, and that’s not fair or tolerable. Where’s the call for racial tolerance running the other way? Where’s the appreciation for non-black people’s lives and safety mattering too?

People get angry at Colin Flaherty because his channel content, especially when viewed in large volume over time, snaps at us to pay attention and to consider where this is all heading. (Will the crime rate continue to rise?) It also asks of us how police ought to respond. (Can cops do their jobs without being accused of racism and sparking street protests?) This is societal problem, so people other than black people can’t help but take notice and call for some sort of action. There are people out who don’t like that, but it’s not racist to believe our own eyes and to want to talk about it. Better to talk than respond with violence, especially where innocent people wind up concerned.

Which leads me to my last thought on this. Because of the recent events in Charlottesville and the decision of members of various factions of the Political Right to show up at a rally beside people sporting nazi insignia, ending with a woman being run over and killed by a car, we are forced to acknowledge where ramping up violence can lead us and have an imagination for how it might escalate going forward. Colin Flaherty isn’t advocating for that. But he too may well wind up tarred and feathered because some actual racists do watch his channel and put their $.02 in. Because he’s busy he doesn’t tend to monitor his comment section, and outright mean-spirited comments remain up. (Or he might choose not to censor his comment section, as is my policy on my own channel much of the time). But people notice that connection and assume Colin’s producing this material to appeal to those kind of people. He’s not. He’s showcasing it for all of us out here, not only the racists who look for anything to confirm their bias.

I’d liken it to how Donald Trump winds up being accused of being a racist bigot and supporter of the resurrected KKK and neo-nazis and whatever else because some of those people voted for him. That’s not all who voted for him, but of course they’re a group who attract a lot of attention thanks to the shitty things they spew about members of other races. There around, so that’s a fact we have to accept as well. Colin has repeated over and over again that his motive is not racism, that he was a journalist who could no longer ignore the disproportionate amount of crime being committed by black people in this country and how it’s not receiving adequate or honestly straight-forward coverage. That is a disparity begging to be called into question, as to be expected in an open and democratic society such as ours. Whether blatant racists and wanna-be nazis applaud his efforts is irrelevant — none of us can help who all takes interest in us. We can clearly state our own position, but others obviously aren’t under our control. And I doubt what those jackasses choose to entertain themselves with is of much concern to Colin. Those types also happen to like to watch and ridicule videos on WorldStarHipHop — is that the fault or responsibility of that site? I’d argue it’s not.

So, in closing, people do project too much onto Colin Flaherty. The man’s a retired journalist-turned-youtuber. This is what he does. He’s following a story of great interest, which is black crime on the rise both in sheer number of crimes being committed and the quality of the violence involved. That’s undeniably something people deserve to learn about, if for no other reason than to take precautions in order to protect ourselves. If you don’t like this reality, then work on changing it. But it certainly won’t be solved by simply demanding that people cease paying attention.

“This is why Black Lives don’t matter to many!”

From the Ghetto News Network (based in Chicago):

For good measure, let’s watch another one of his videos.

“(Most) Black Women are the reason for the ignorance and killing done by (Most)Black Men”:

One more, “Two baby girls gunned down (92nd & Jeffrey)”:

“Waking Up With Sam Harris #42 – Racism and Violence in America (with Glenn Loury)”

Have now added the books mentioned to my Audible wishlist: On the Run: Fugitive Life in an American City by Alice Goffman and Ghettoside: A True Story of Murder in America by Jill Leovy.

Saudi Arabia is no “ally” worth having

Saudi Arabia, as a country and as a culture, unnerves me. But, that being half of my bloodline (so says my mother), I’m drawn back time and again to learn about it. Unfortunately so much of what I’ve seen and heard over time (including what I was told by a Saudi man who had befriended my former husband many years back) isn’t pretty. The VAST majority of it isn’t actually. Not to mention their royal family appears sadistically nuts, yet still is claimed as an ally by the U.S. and European nations.

Before I begin posting up links tonight, it deserves to be stated that I did attempt a positive information hunt on Saudi Arabia and the Middle East in general that went on for a few years, particularly during my time volunteering within the pro-peace/anti-war movement. Back then I really strove to give peace a chance and to open up my mind, hoping I’d come across information that could contradict what all I’d managed to learn about that nation and its people up until then. But no such luck. Even the liberal peace community couldn’t sweep its human rights abuses under the rug despite sometimes trying. That culture’s atrocious human rights record is undeniable, plentiful, and completely unapologetic.

Tonight I’ll showcase a few examples, beginning with a graphic LiveLeak video of a male servant being whipped, hit, and spit on by his purportedly Saudi (Arab of some sort either way) “sponsor”: https://www.liveleak.com/view?i=850_1382853964

Saudi Arabia requires a “sponsorship” program for its immigrant workers whereby a “sponsor” is granted a great deal of control over the worker, including his or her right to leave the country. This was reported in the Human Rights Watch 2012 report on Saudi Arabia:

ScreenHunter_16 Jul. 26 01.07That was a screen-captured excerpt from the HRW link above. And, as you saw in the LiveLeak video linked above, the abuse isn’t confined to female migrant workers only.

Came across this article from the World Tribune (Sept. 22, 2013) titled “Opposition: Saudi king’s son promotes ‘racist policy’ against nation’s blacks“:

ScreenHunter_17 Jul. 26 01.12Hence why I was mistaken in my most recent video where I assumed there were little to no black people even living in Saudi Arabia these days. Come to find out they’re just being kept off the television and treated like second-class citizens (lower even than the migrant workers apparently in some cases) in what amounts to an apartheid setup. Not that that’s any better…

Here’s an article from The Guardian (Oct. 19, 2010) titled “Saudi prince guilty of servant’s murder“:

ScreenHunter_18 Jul. 26 01.19The House of Saud is showing itself to be the House of Sade (Marquis de Sade, that is). Oh, but it doesn’t stop there. It goes on and on and on with these folks…

Here’s an example from just last week, “Saudi royal arrested over videos purportedly showing abuse” (CBS News; July 20, 2017):

ScreenHunter_19 Jul. 26 01.31A “prison for wayward royals”? They necessitate their own prison?? How many frickin’ royals does that country have? Don’t know much about the new king, but I won’t be holding my breath and expecting any real change to occur. Takes time to evolve, and that goes for people and whole cultures. Won’t happen over the course of a few years, most certainly.

I’ll let Abby Martin of the Empire Files tell us a little more:

Appointed to the human rights panel at the UN. Yep, you heard that right. AND Saudi Arabia’s term on that panel won’t expire until 2019 (assuming they aren’t reappointed). Yet some continue to wonder why the United Nations is (increasingly) viewed as a sick, sad, twisted joke.

Am I uncomfortable with that half of my bloodline? No, not really. Though I am grateful to have not been born there and to not have been directly exposed to that disturbing culture/religion while growing up (spoken as someone raised in Mississippi  tongue_out  Imagine that seeming WAYYY better by comparison. Ha!). Guess it’s a good thing that my biological father wasn’t in my life. Might’ve turned out way worse. I’m willing to bet it probably would have, sad as that may sound to an outsider. Sure, that’s really unfortunate to have to acknowledge and accept, but the truth isn’t always a rose garden. I honestly would rather never know my biological father if he is much like many of the Arab men I’ve either encountered or learned about. Chances are great that he too was/is a Muslim (my mother hasn’t offered much information to shed light on who he was). Did he support Sharia Law? Would he have raised me in accordance with that religion had he known of my existence? If so, that warrants a write-off in my book.

That being of their own doing. Apostasy is a crazy concept. Remaining forever grateful to not have been raised up within a society that kowtows to Sharia Law. Color me biased, that’s fine. (Though, by the same token, I’m also very grateful to not have been raised by Christian Fundamentalists.)

So, what does this do to my own self-perception? Not as much damage as one might expect. Fills me with a sense of gratitude to be born an American and raised within an American family. Truth be told (biased as I can’t help but be). Also grateful to know I can’t be deported no matter what I do or so. Heh  Seriously though (and Guantanamo aside). Not even going to take chances with visiting a country like that since someone like me would probably be stoned while exiting the plane.  not_amused  Or kept there in some weirdo’s bathroom and tortured for my heathen Western ways… (Or lashed by the authorities for what I’ve blogged about.)  Oy.

Happen to like my skin tone. Wonder sometimes if possessing that genetic background is why I can be such an emotional hothead. Otherwise, I tend to find the whole situation a bit funny, ironically so. Am proud to be a “sand honky,” since I’m the only one I’ve ever known (meaning specifically a Southerner/Arab blend). And I feel it gives me all the more license to tell it like I see it when it comes to the Arab world. Not self-hating since my problem is with that CULTURE (along with its peculiar religion, or at least the extremes it tends to be taken to).

_________________________________________

A couple more links I’m perusing and wish to save for future reference. From the Pew Research Center (May 26, 2017): http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/05/26/muslims-and-islam-key-findings-in-the-u-s-and-around-the-world/

From Amnesty International (Saudi Arabia 2016/2017 Annual Report): https://www.amnesty.org/en/countries/middle-east-and-north-africa/saudi-arabia/report-saudi-arabia/

And now I feel like a jerk

Just spoke to the mother of the boy who allegedly accidentally broke my rear windshield. I can’t keep all these kids running around straight and figure which belongs to whom, so just today I’ve finally been shown a photo of her son to see who’s standing accused here. I recognize that boy. He’s actually a pretty nice kid. Not the older one I had in mind and assumed was responsible (that one being the one I caught with his friends spray painting our garbage dumpster). Didn’t know if both of those kids were hers since they look similar, but no, only the younger one is hers, and he’s just 12 years old. Ugh. Actually liked that kid a decent amount and probably wouldn’t have gotten as upset had I realized it was him that everybody was pointing the finger at. The older kid in question is defiant and cruising to wind up in juvenile detention, but not this younger one. I can understand now that it was surely an accident of a young boy who didn’t realize the consequences of his actions.

But, I contacted my landlord yesterday before this conversation had occurred and the ball was already set in motion. The mother received a termination notice instructing her to vacate the premises within 3 days, citing multiple disturbances over time (including noise complaints from other tenants). She showed me the paperwork this afternoon. Ugh. And she had a different demeanor about her today as well, realizing the severity of the situation, saying she had  intended to compensate me (or have her son’s “worker” do so, whatever that means — she stated they receive financial aid from an organization that is separate from and not affiliated with section 8). But I wish she had simply explained that yesterday when I delivered the invoice receipt to her for my damages instead of closing the door on me. I was under the impression that I would not be compensated and so decided to report the incident with our landlord. Other tenants filed complaints to the landlord as well pertaining to this incident and others since they have warned several kids on numerous occasions to stop tossing around rocks in the parking lot. So, the landlord decided to evict her outright as a result.

I told her that when it comes to section 8 at least (being unfamiliar with the organization she’s specifically linked up with), their terms and conditions for renting differ from those of us not receiving aid from such programs. In other words, the rental agreements for those tenants are more strict and evictions tend to be more swift when they are carried out. Not sure why, just something I’ve observed over time.

She began crying a little, asking where she’s supposed to go within 3 days, saying she can’t even get into a shelter in that amount of time. Dammit. And this is why I so rarely report incidents to my landlord or to police or what have you. Makes me nervous to involve the Law where it’s not totally warranted. But in this case I figured I would not be compensated and was hoping she’d at least receive a warning so that she’d tighten the reins on her kid and prevent future property damage from occurring. But there were already complaints filed against her, so the property manager was able to take it to the next step. Didn’t expect it to go quite this far, but here we now are. The mother had on a uniform for a fast-food restaurant and said she’s only making $8.50/hr. at present. Mentioned being in some sort of treatment program and receiving SSI (social security) benefits, meaning she’s classified as at least partially disabled at this time. Not sure what the treatment relates to and didn’t ask.

Ugh. Dammit. I didn’t mean for a family to be tossed out on the streets with nowhere to go. Just was pissed about having to fork out over $300 (part of which was provided by a friend to help me out with these costs) for unforeseen property damages. I really wish she had told me upfront that she would reimburse me instead of arguing over her kid’s innocence since that said to me that I’m going to have to foot this bill without compensation. And that frankly felt frustrating as hell. I do get tired of parents taking up for their kids as though they’re all angels who do no wrong, despite being confronted with evidence to the contrary, accidental or otherwise. Didn’t want to go ’round and ’round with her over this matter, and small claims court was out of the question for this small of a sum (and likely wouldn’t have proven fruitful anyway since they likely can’t garnish wages for earners making under a certain amount).

Not sure what to do now. She said she and her “worker” (I assume she’s referring to a case worker there) and their lawyer will be speaking to our property manager tomorrow, and I told her to let them know that I am fine with her remaining as a tenant so long as we can work out a reimbursement schedule and stick to it. She seemed to want me to call them back, but there’s not much I can say to them. Nor do I really wish to when I’m not yet convinced I actually will be fully reimbursed. This is a tough spot for all involved. I’d like to be a bleeding heart and absorb the costs and tell her it’s all good and for her and her son to go forth and prosper, but life has taught me not to be a sucker who caves when the waterworks turn on or when empty promises are spoken. Been lied to before in the past over being compensated for property damage and always had to foot the bill myself. Always. Trying hard to recall a time (at least where insurance companies weren’t involved on both sides) when I was repaid for damages…can’t think of any.

But, then again, I do feel the punishment meted out in this case is severe. I can’t imagine being evicted and having only 3 days to relocate elsewhere, especially with a kid in tow.

Dammit. It’s no fun being the bad guy most days. Had I realized which kid it was they were all talking about I might’ve been more interested in pursuing the matter informally. But again, I wish she had straight up accepted her son’s responsibility instead of demanding proof that I can’t provide to her. We don’t have video cameras mounted in our parking lot, so we must rely on eye witnesses to tell us what goes on there. She wanted a police report, but the cops took too long, and even there it still would’ve been a he said/she said ordeal just as she’s claiming it is currently.

The lady across the hall (an old bitch with nothing but time on her hands to sit in the yard and watch all of our comings and goings and then to gossip about them) factors into this in a few ways as well since she claims the boy came to her asking whose car his rock accidentally hit. And she also claimed a different timeline for the incident. Plus, I watched her try to get vicious right off the bat toward the mother and boyfriend shortly after I confronted them about the matter. Also just learned about some of the crap she was spewing to them about the time I was leaving Saturday night. She too registered a complaint with the landlord (as she does all the time about everybody) and supposedly has something against the boy. Was she lying outright about what she claimed occurred? I don’t know. So I placed more weight on what the other neighbors said instead.

Ugh…  What was I supposed to do? Just pony up money for repairs and keep my mouth shut and not let our landlord know about the incident? Was I supposed to trust a perfect stranger would come through despite her not declaring she even would? Should I have waited longer before calling in the report? I so rarely call the landlord for anything because I prefer them not to be up in my business either. I just don’t know how I should’ve better handled the situation. I was trying to look out for my own interests since I figured they’d otherwise wind up disregarded. But I wasn’t aiming to render people homeless over the ordeal.

Looking forward to no longer being a hypocrite

Honestly, another aspect of this recent car accident event in my loved one’s life is how it shines the light back on us. Seriously bugs me that it does, but it does.

I’ve driven while intoxicated on numerous occasions, truth be told. Over the legal limit probably the majority of the time I’ve returned home from a bar outing. Don’t doubt it. As was/is the case for most folks I know who hang out in bars, plus plenty who drink at home and then head out to the grocery store for something or to the gas station or a friend’s house and whatnot. It’s actually quite common. We all know it’s dangerous and wrong and potentially fatal, and yet it goes on all the time. Even among the retirees who hit the bars earlier in the day and then clog up traffic by driving below the speed limit afterward. Or the folks returning from their golf outings — almost always lit up on the course before heading to their favorite watering holes to tie on a few more. I see it going on all the time. Observed it for years here and in other cities I’ve lived in prior.

It’s so common that for some folks I’d venture to say it’s the norm, at least in the evenings once work is completed.

This has always given me mixed feelings where on one hand I don’t wish to acknowledge this fact since so many others like to downplay how frequently they do the same, making me look like one of the supposed few who actually has a problem. Au contraire. Other folks are just better liars, I swear on that. But when I admit it aloud, even among my fellow drinkers whom I’ve watched leave out of bars on countless occasions so drunk I’m surprised they made it out of the parking lot, I’m given the cold shoulder. We’re not supposed to talk about that, at least not unless it involves a funny story. Supposed to all quietly sweep that one under the rug. Or call an Uber if your conscience troubles you. But just do not talk about it.

Well, it gets brought up sometimes, and not always by me but by someone teasing me or somebody else for how messed up we were the night before. It’s a big joke to some folks. And so long as people laugh, such talk is tolerated. Only becomes a problem when someone says “Damn. I’m fucking up. I don’t recall even driving home.” Then we’re either given some dismissive advice about how we maybe should try to drink a little less next time or call a cab or whatever, or we’re just ignored. Ramblings of drunks is all it amounts to. Nobody really seems to care that much in those atmospheres, though some bars do care once they’ve had their liquor licenses threatened.

What I’m getting at here is it matters not whether it’s discussed, it still occurs frequently and across all kinds of people from all different kinds of backgrounds. Middle-class, working-class, all races, both sexes, young, old, middle-aged — you name it. We all somewhere inside fear a wreck or DUI/OWI, yet we still drove ourselves home after drinking time and time and time again. That’s a fact. Even if we feel bad about doing so, we still did so. It’s the norm among many, if not most, drinkers, especially heavy drinkers. Unless they can walk home, but even that decision is usually prompted by already receiving a DUI/OWI in the past.

I do listen to people and observe what’s going on and always have. People tell me plenty, and it’s not hard to see who’s jacked up.

Last year, I ran over a road sign one late night while driving home from a bar. Couldn’t even locate which one I hit either since other people had hit signs that same night so a couple were down and one other was sideways. Yeah, not proud of that. If I could hit a frickin’ road sign, I could’ve hit anything else. Snapped me wide awake when I hit the sign, and yet the next day I could not figure out which one it was. And that was over a year, maybe 1.5 years ago by now. Learned to Uber more for a while there, but eventually I resumed driving myself home. Never had that problem again since, and hadn’t done that before, but the risk was always there.

Do you know how many people do that sort of shit and just don’t like to admit it? Have a look at regular barhounds’ cars sometime and take note of the damaged spots. Much of that is from drunk driving incidents. Sometimes they’ll tell you stories about how it happened if you’re sitting in a bar with them while they’re feeling chatty, but I doubt they’d admit it to the outside world. Because it’s frowned upon. Forces us to reckon with our own poor choices and behaviors, which is a definite downer. Few care to acknowledge these matters openly partly because it’s frickin’ embarrassing. Though in the barscene people do tend to be more open about the times they’ve been nabbed by the cops. Maybe because they perceive that as some sort of injustice, or they know so many others have been in the same situation before and therefore are willing to commiserate over it. I’ve heard countless stories along these lines over time. Always prided myself on being among the seeming few who has never been dealt a DUI/OWI, though that’s been due to luck more than anything else.

Yet I’ve also heard some of these parents chide their adult children WHILE AT THE BAR DRINKING for getting picked up by the cops or damaging their vehicles. As if we’re in any position to talk. We get onto one another for the very same crime we’re guilty of. Seems the logic there is that if we don’t get caught and don’t wreck, then no harm, no foul. I’ve adopted that logic myself on numerous occasions. But still, it’s bugged me over time. Nags and gnaws at me. Kinda makes me feel like a bit of a cretin in society. Forces me to worry about hitting a pedestrian or another car or getting stopped by the cops and winding up jeopardizing my job as a result. Not to mention my finances, or my conscience. Yet when you’re drunk, you don’t care. That’s what alcohol is good for: to make you care less. The next day we might reflect and feel ashamed and/or scared over the ride home the night before, but pour a little more booze in you the next night and you’ll be right back at it again. And again and again.

Caused me to feel like a hypocrite over time. Because I am. How can I worry about college students drinking too much and getting behind the wheel when we older folks aren’t doing much better? Just have more experience under our belts, that’s it. Because we’ve done it more often. Misplaced confidence in our own capabilities while intoxicated.

Feeling like a hypocrite unnerves me. Hard to stake a moral claim on something being wrong and unacceptable when I do it too. And when I hung out in places where practically everybody did it too, nightly. Gotta state it plain.

Looking forward to the future and being free of at least one area in my life where I proved to be a hypocrite. Two weeks (sans one day) and counting…