This “asshole” speaks (a.k.a. pregnancy and motherhood ought to matter, but does it anymore?)

All right. I’ve had a little time to cool down (and sober up) since my last posting about the late-term pregnant bitch drinking in the bar. And yes, I call her a bitch intentionally, though I do not know her personally or her situation and don’t give a damn what her excuses may be. Anyway, I’ve discussed this matter with a few of my people as well as a few bar-pals. Come to find out, the barpals don’t take issue with this like I do. In fact, they seemed more disgruntled with me bringing it up than with her actions. Nobody had shit to say against her decision to drink and smoke while pregnant but me. So, once again, I come across as the asshole. Simply picking on a poor pregnant woman for no reason whatsoever apparently. What a jerk I am.

The barpal who was playing pool with the woman claims she was only drinking wine spritzers. But I could’ve sworn I saw her drinking a blue drink and we have nothing in that bar to turn a drink blue that doesn’t contain liquor. And that says nothing about her smoking weed and/or cigarettes as well. Either way, probably not a safe place to hang around in when you’re that pregnant. Too many fights break out in that bar. Kind of a rough joint. And no one is bound to look out for your interests there, not the bartenders or your fellow patrons. We all go in there with the understanding that we’re on our own. Won’t likely find any backup if problems arise. Just every human for him/herself in there. The type of place it is. Very different in that regard than other watering holes I typically frequent.

Anyway, I understand this isn’t just about one woman misbehaving. Goes deeper than that on a few levels for me. First off, I do tire of certain women being given a free pass from judgment and scrutiny and exempted from criticism. Look, I get criticized all the time, and quite publicly and loudly sometimes. People like to tell me they think I can handle it, that I can “take care of myself.” Well, so can other women. That’s how we learn to do so, by being exposed to getting our feelings hurt and being challenged. Lord knows I get challenged pretty regularly, particularly by men. And a part of me does wonder how come other women seem to be granted a pass in this department, especially when they’re fucking up in arguably worse (and more immediate) ways. But when I ask people about this I tend to receive a bunch of excuses in the other woman’s favor. She somehow can’t help it. Perhaps she’s hurting right now. Perhaps she’s looking for something she’s lacking. Perhaps she doesn’t know any better. Perhaps this outcome is somehow better than her choosing to abort instead. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. But I have to wonder where these white knights are when I need backing and help. AWOL. Why? Because I apparently am obviously capable of fighting my own battles and discerning right from wrong, they like to say. Okay. Interesting how that winds up being a double-standard. Especially when I have a proven track record of NOT screwing men over with unwanted pregnancies or using a baby to extract income from a man or the State. And I do aim to remain as reasonable as I can, however well I accomplish that.

But that aside, I’m mostly perturbed because I see the writing on the wall for us as a society, and I also comprehend that womenfolk are just as much responsible for where we’re actively headed as the menfolk, if not a tad more so. Motherhood is a major responsibility not to be taken lightly and those who act selfishly and drop the ball in a major way leave lasting psychological scars on their offspring, as should be clearly evident by now. This is an important role, perhaps THE most important when it comes to a child’s well-being and proper development. And yet I look out and see so many skanks behaving poorly, treating their youngens like lottery tickets to cash in so as to make their own lives more comfortable. I see men abandoning responsibility too, so don’t get what I’m saying here twisted — just that a grave responsibility lies with mothers in particular since there is truth in us being the ultimate gatekeepers when it comes to sexual access and opting to bring pregnancies to full term. And we know this. Not a secret. We women are not simply victims of circumstance. We have options that we damn-well can pursue if we want to, that being the beauty of the technological age we live in. Yet we squander so much of the power we do possess and instead like to try playing the victim more often than not. It’s embarrassing to observe and reflects poorly on the Feminist movement as a whole, that’s for sure. Gives the distinct impression that plenty of women aren’t actually interested in achieving “equality” but instead would rather corner the market on power to benefit themselves, even at the expense of men, their children, and society as a whole. Winds up looking awfully selfish in the end. The entitlement complex is unbecoming no matter who is sporting it these days…

Then there’s the moral question pertaining to bringing life into being that we don’t actually want or respect and, conversely, are using to suit our own ends. Not about the child or the other parent. More about our own egos and feelings of righteous indignation that leads to subversive actions taken against respect for the importance of family. Suddenly it’s all about one parent doing whatever they want, everyone else be damned. If you aren’t going to fully respect and appreciate the child, why bring them into being? And if you are only going to harm them and possibly dampen their IQ due to your own recklessness, then you are the true asshole. You’re selfishness has gone too far, and I don’t care what your girlfriends might like to tell you inversely. They are trying to justify their own problematic behaviors and choices. Misery loves company — that never ceases to be true. Children require love and proper guidance — that too never ceases to be true.

Pay attention to how many children are coming up these days in inadequate conditions in single mother households. You might like to believe your household may prove to be an exception, but the odds are against you. And any thinking woman can see that in advance. Pregnancies and motherhood aren’t something to treat casually, and I say this as someone who’s reckoned with these concerns all my life thus far. It’s not always easy. I’ve had opportunities to fuck over men and play the State as well, yet I opted not to, not because I am a wonderful person but because I am cognizant of how bad and deficient as a parent (particularly as a single parent) I would likely prove to be. Yet most women don’t take time apparently to consider this deeply. Won’t. Refuse to take a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror and change course. Will not do so. Why? Because of wishful thinking? Everything will somehow magically fall into place the way you’d like it to simply because? Because you deserve to have it all? Because you believe yourself to somehow be above fucking up a kid psychologically and emotionally just by virtue of you being you, with no deeper introspection given to the matter? Because you figure kids are all resilient and are capable of walking off any damage done to them in childhood? Really it’s because you’re not stopping to think deeply enough on these matters and would rather throw your hands in the air and let the pieces fall where they may as if you have no real say or control in the situation. And that’s a serious problem with the victim mentality permeating our society at present.

The last thing we need right about now are more thugs and broken people added to the mix. Have enough of them already. Enough people get hurt by them as is. Yet women are the predominant gatekeepers capable of reducing this problem, if we so choose. But few care to take the matter seriously. “Fuck it,” they say. “Not my problem,” they say. Well, whose problem is it then? Always pain paying forward. Current generation doesn’t want to take responsibility for shit, so just let the next sort out the matter on their own. Don’t want a youngen coming between us and our good time, right? Don’t want to exercise self-control when it’s most needed since that is hard and less fun.

I know. Seen it all play out time and time and time again. We all have. And it’s sickening. Yet we’re not supposed to pipe up and say shit lest we be considered assholes for doing so. I do know. Been down this road many times now and nothing ever changes. The stupid keep procreating like mad and don’t give a damn about the consequences. The reasonably smart try to avoid such pitfalls and then get blamed by others for not procreating since some are concerned about the number of idiots who are (apparently procreating must remain a competition, even in this day and age). Can’t win for losing anymore. But to hell with most folks and their ridiculous expectations. Not worth paying mind to half the time, particularly when they argue for such drivel. A child deserves to be brought into a situation where he or she is wanted by both parents, and hopefully extended family as well. Otherwise they wind up behind the 8 ball right out the gate, and how is that fair?

All they need is to be used as pawns by adults with agendas who are more concerned with their own security and comforts than the healthy upbringing of their children.

And yet I am the asshole for pointing this out. Okay. Whatever.

To paraphrase a Chinese proverb, if we keep on this way we’ll indeed wind up where we’re headed. Just wait and find out. Go ahead and try to hide your head in the sand until your day of reckoning rolls around…

“Marxism 101: How Capitalism is Killing Itself with Dr. Richard Wolff”

A very interesting explanation of Karl Marx’s analysis of Capitalism:

Yes, I very much understand these critiques about modern life. Marx was a Luddite of sorts, which I can relate to. Let me pause to state this. THIS is why I get defensive when people categorically dismiss “Marxist teachings” and lay all blame for the Leftist political ideologies we’re experiencing/witnessing now squarely on his shoulders. As if he’d likely be in full support of what’s become of the so-called Left.

People like to say they’ve read his “teachings.” Yeah? How much really? Most of us haven’t directly read a whole lot from the man, especially considering how incredibly much he wrote. Letter after letter between Engels on him, on top of lengthy books on these topics. Not easy reads, hence why many aren’t directly acquainted with what Karl Marx actually said. Including plenty who claim to be fans of him. And the information and ideas bandied about in his name can drift straight off the plantation of he ever appeared to have in mind. The man wasn’t terribly pro-technology and he couldn’t foresee the industrial explosion of unprecedented proportions that the next century ushered in. People didn’t even have an imagination for what was in store on this level or in detail. How could they? UNPRECEDENTED times we now live in in terms of technological innovations and global economics.

This is truly an interesting time to be alive.

But the man added to the mix his own views and analysis. So be it. I have no problem with him doing so. Though I do take issue with what’s being done in his name. Leftism =/= “Marxism.” The political Left is puppetry, neo-liberalism, just as the political Right is as well with its “neo-conservatism.” Different teams competing for global jockeying positions. We see this. We know our political systems are ALL rigged around the globe. And money does obviously factor into how it’s carried out.

We don’t want to be slaves to a new kind of slave-owner. And this is precisely why I say that slavery never truly ended, it just changed shapes. More inclusive now.

The threat of Communism is similar. Different strategy employed but in the end you still wind up with a ruling class and a bunch of serfs under their thumb, only to a more extreme degree. Personally, I find Communism as it’s ever been practiced detestable. BUT, I don’t conflate Communism with socialism. Based off the idea, yes, but then taken to a crazy extreme since the concept was applied to a huge society and carried out in a top-down manner. Socialism doesn’t quite work that way. It’s a bottom-up approach, by and large, though wider federations may be possible. But it doesn’t translate (apparently) when applied to a massive nation-state setup. Turns into totalitarianism when attempted, so history has demonstrated thus far.

Rulers. Everywhere we look. And perhaps that we be okay if they were benevolent and actually committed to protecting our wider interests. But that won’t ever happen if the people can’t hold them accountable, which we seemingly can’t currently. We’re rendered at the mercy of what’s unfolding, and we see it and feel the earth shifting beneath us. Life has gone into hyper-drive over this last century, and now we embark on a new one. One where likely middle-classes will begin blooming in China and India and elsewhere outside of the West where we have been abandoned by a good amount of our manufacturing jobs and are experiencing record debts, printing money nonstop backed by virtually nothing. We do see this. No secret here. And what will become of the U.S.? We don’t know, but it doesn’t look very good. And the politicians running are caught up in a game that’s beyond most of us in terms of making much of a lasting impact.

While I can understand the shift in people’s hearts, I wish we’d use our minds all the more. Exercise them. Explore ideas, particularly those we may have a knee-jerk reaction away from.

I don’t see socialism and libertarianism as necessarily incompatible. Perhaps they are the new political “right” and “left” down here on the ground. Reckoning with the philosophical conundrums arising between individual vs. collective or “societal” interests. So many buzzwords make it to where discussing these matters feels cheap, like people’s eyes glaze over when they peruse them. I get it. Really do. But we have to somehow come to terms with the fact that we are both social beings and individuals in our own right. There’s a balancing act needed here, yet different people will likely opt to attempt it in different ways. Hence why I like to talk about my dream of 10,000 communities going their own ways. Let the social experiments begin…

Pipe dreams, I know. Because now we appear locked into this trajectory, whether we like it or not. Jumping in a political “camp” or movement won’t likely improve a thing. Especially not when so many are so divided. Few of us can agree on anything anymore it seems. If ever people did. But some of us must find a way and group up with those we’re capable of living and working with to the best of our ability, if only to find solace and cooperation in whatever lies in times to come.

I don’t have any answers. But I do understand the concern and always have. Can also understand our Western concerns and how it may look to those most well-adapted and proven successful in our current setup. But times are a-changin’ whether we like it or not. And whether we try to prepare or not.

Crime will likely increase. We’re a very materialistic culture. Entertaining ourselves to death. I’ve heard Yugoslavians basically fell prey to the same lure.

After listening to the audiobook for Steven Pinker’s The Better Angels of Our Nature, and appreciating it to an extent (final chapter aside), I’d argue that he spoke (and wrote) prematurely. Comforting as it would be to agree with his analysis.

Lately this eerie feeling has been coming over me. Listening to all the propaganda and watching how race relations are being ramped up in our society, I get to wondering if it’s possible if there’s an economic breakdown if the U.S. may go the way of South Africa. At least in essence, though in our case it’s not simply two or three races/ethnic backgrounds against one another. It’s become fashionable to talk shit about “white” people today, yet the reverse is deemed intolerable. Hmm. If we’re honest with ourselves and set aside our excuses and rationale and just pay attention, observe — we see this going on. It started with jokes and has grown noticeably more vicious with time.

Increasingly not a secret.

We should be able to examine these matters without being pigeon-holed as belonging to the political Left or Right as a result. Screw all of that nonsense. And to hell with devoting ourselves to ideologies of any sort. Better to keep an open mind since not a one of us has it all figured out. Explore. These ideological cages are just that — utopian traps sold to us by people who don’t give a damn about us, who simply rely on us and the money we spend, pandering to our psychologies so that we don’t revolt and remove them from power. But then another of a similar caliber would surely take their places since we don’t understand the process of power and how it can accumulate. Forming hierarchies is in our nature, but what we’ve constructed are so big that they’re guaranteed to fail us. We can’t reach them anymore. Just have to accept the dictates sent down the ladder in the form of laws. Can fight them and sometimes win, but eventually they plow on through while claiming to have enough popular support. Pandering and pretending — that’s American politics at present.

It’s easy to feel powerless in the face of all of this. But we only have one life to live, so far as we know, so we might as well make it interesting and do something with ourselves that isn’t a complete waste. Was watching another talk with Dr. Jordan Peterson earlier today (see last post) where he goes into all that and highly recommend others hear the man out. Aligning with ideologies is a way to shirk individual responsibility and hide within a crowd. Best to opt to do something more courageous than that at least. That is too easy.

There are plenty of thought-provoking thinkers on any and all “sides” who are worthy of hearing out even if we wind up disagreeing. Suspend judgment for a while and just let it in and ponder. Helps to better flesh out our own beliefs and ideas, to challenge them and thereby alter, deepen and expand them. No shame in exploring far and wide.

Admittedly kinda surprised me initially to stumble across Abby Martin conducting that interview. Proved to be worth taking in as more food for thought. The professor explained his position very articulately, though I still don’t see a top-down approach winding up ultimately resolving this dilemma, at least not how the globally-minded may envision it. We shall see.

“Harvard Talk: Postmodernism & the Mask of Compassion”

Another great talk from Dr. Jordan Peterson:

Dispatches from the barscene

Because I am apparently incapable or at least uncooperative about getting sober at this point in time.

Tonight I witnessed a woman who was visibly pregnant (asked her and confirmed it)  DRINKING AND SMOKING while out at our bar. Fucked me all up to witness it. I don’t give a DAMN what your excuse might be, that is seriously FUCKED UP. That unborn child has to live with the ramifications. No question. That IMO is WRONG AS HELL. Not that this is the first time I’ve encountered a late-term pregnant woman up in the bar choosing to behave this way.

Makes me hate myself that I am even there to see it. That I am even breathing the same oxygen. FUCK YOU if you are that kind of mother-to-be. FUCK YOU ENTIRELY! To hell with you. Ain’t nothing better gonna stem from this.

She was a white woman. Stating it plain. Last one I dealt with was a black woman, so let’s keep it all straight. Obviously only cares about herself, about what welfare benefits she might access. No fucks given for her unborn child. I watched her tonight. Interacted with her. No FUCKS GIVEN FOR THAT POTENTIAL CHILD. And her belly was big enough that her navel was protruding, hence why I even asked about her state of being and felt confident I wouldn’t mistakenly offend her.

That is UTTER BULLSHIT. PERIOD. Your body is the unborn’s first environment. YOU KNOW THAT! Not a secret. Fuck this irresponsible BULLSHIT. I don’t have kids myself because I at least recognize my own lackings in that department. My own irresponsibility. Therefore, I do everything in my own power to not get pregnant. Yet we have these fucking bitches out here in society who give no fucks and have kids willy-nilly, often with men who don’t desire the kids, while behaving like jackasses throughout their pregnancies. Very tough to observe.

And yet they like to act like they are morally superior for not undergoing an abortion? But how so? YOU ARE THIS POTENTIAL CHILD’S FIRST ENVIRONMENT. If they can’t maintain that respectably, then what can you justifiably expect from them thereon?? The unborn are entirely dependent ON YOU. Yes, motherhood matters. More than some apparently seem to realize. Yet our criminal justice system won’t stop them. Nobody is willing in this PC culture day and age to say to these women that this is FUCKED UP. PERIOD. Not okay. No excuses. Don’t care how bad your ex mistreated you, nor how poorly you might’ve been raised. Doesn’t matter now once you assume responsibility for raising another human being. That’s a HUGE obligation, hence why I choose not to undertake it. And yet the vast majority do and some don’t seem to care if they damage their youngens’ chances right out the gate.

People like to tell me how immoral of a woman I am for having been an escort in my 20s. Had to listen to a guy cuss me out about that just a week ago. In my mid-30s now. Doesn’t seem to matter how long ago I gave that up or what I care to say about it. And yet I had the sense to recognize early on that family planning is important and that I didn’t want to wind up a single mom. I understood that in my teen years. However, so many mothers like to act like I am some kind of “sell out” for not following in their footsteps. Which is insane, flat out. Why would I wish to be wrapped up in family court with a man who wants no part in helping raise a kid he didn’t expect to be created? Why? Who is this truly fair for? Not the kid(s), not the father(s), and often not the mother either despite her holding more control than the other parties involved.

I get sick of this shit. Would like to go out drinking without a pregnant woman showing up and injuring my morale. Fucks up my spirit. Makes me feel like a bad person for even sharing space with such individuals. Hence why I left promptly. Such bullshit. How is that NOT a crime?? How come so many people accept that nonsense? How come we as a society continue to ignore such behavior? How do we ignore it? How do we pretend it doesn’t matter? Yet, let a father fall behind on child support payments and we get our pitchforks out.

It’s messed up, that’s what I am saying.

Distancing music

By that I specifically am referring to creating distance from social and/or romantic entanglements as can prove necessary. But whatever else may be applicable.

Beginning with Stabbing Westward’s “Save Yourself”:

That one probably sticks with me since it came out in my early teen years. Heard it many, many times over the years. True sentiment expressed there in the chorus.

Cedric Burnside’s “Washy My Hands”:

A true artist there. The real deal. Grandson of the great R.L. Burnside.

Firefall’s “Strange Way”:

Led Zeppelin’s “Since I’ve Been Loving You”:

That was “Won’t Get Fooled Again” by The Who.

“Lunatic Fringe” by Red Rider:

Sometimes shit just doesn’t work out. Can’t. Too many problems, too many incompatibilities. Of course I’m still referring to the same situation I’ve been involved in for several years now. But whatever. Think we both understand by now how much this isn’t working. Gotta leave it alone and let it rest, go our own ways. Being retardedly magnetically attracted to one another hasn’t served us well over time.

But I don’t regret the relationship, and he says the same. Learned a lot from it. We now have our own individual problems needing to be tended to, and we don’t accomplish that well in one another’s presence. A hard lesson learned again and again throughout time. But he’s not a bad guy. We do appreciate one another. Just became an unworkable situation. C’est la vie. Problems are cumulative. But I do feel like a better person after having known that man, crazy as we drove one another. Learned a lot. Some of which he intended to teach but also plenty that he did not. Either way, he’s family and will remain so regardless of what the future brings. He acknowledges this as well. Both so tired of this sad situation not appreciably improving enough.

Life is what it is. Nobody promised us a rose garden. BUT our own conduct and choices do matter an awful lot. Undeniably. Not all simply random chance roll of the dice. We do impact this unfolding, obviously. The development of our individual potential is on us and can’t be fully determined by anybody else, no matter what we may go through with them. The blame game is one of the oldest obstacles confronting humankind. The responsibility ultimately lies with us as individual persons. Fault is one thing, but responsibility is entirely another. Can’t be helped. Such is life.

There are so many good things out here in the world. Good and bad, but still there is good too. Opportunities. So many reasons to remain curious. So much to learn and inspect. It’s going to be okay, or at least it will be what it will be. We only have so much control when up against Nature. But what control we do possess does matter. More than we seem to realize.