It’s been a weird week overall. Good in some ways, odd in others. Last night proved a bit irritating thanks to two people walking out on me, one being a man I agreed to meet for a drink from a dating site who got bent out of shape immediately because he didn’t like my choice of bar to meet at (in his neighborhood, attempting to accommodate him — my bad — complained that he was the only white man there) and then took issue with my stating that I had met a couple other people as well and had prospects in mind. Should’ve just texted and called off the meeting, he said. Okay, fair enough, though I clearly stated beforehand I’m mostly looking to meet new friends and to see where things might lead thereafter. He then told me how his last date went a year back where he and a woman went out and got drunk, he took her to his home where she fell in his bathroom and broke the toilet and later didn’t offer to pay for the repairs. That sounds like a shitty date. Then he got up and marched out, all within about 12 minutes of us meeting. Kind of odd, but oh well. Yeah, I had a weird gut feeling to begin with and probably shouldn’t have agreed to meet in person. Was just an awkward and pointless outing with a middle-aged accountant — chalking it up to “nevermind that.”
But afterward I had agreed to meet up with a barpal I’ve been getting to know a bit (totally platonically) over the past month. That guy is 30, formerly in the military and currently a student, and the times we’ve met up before we’ve discussed religion, politics and philosophy (and played a little pool also). He had texted me to invite me up to the local tavern, and since that other meeting went so poorly, I figured sure, why not? My phone was doing some weird stuff that got me wondering if it had gotten infected (pop-ups pertaining to TouchTunes despite not using that app that day), which I was trying to sort out upon arrival. Not in the greatest mood starting out, looking forward to relaxing and engaging in interesting conversation with someone I’m already somewhat familiar with. Great. Well, the energy started off feeling awkward and uncomfortable, partly due to my mood since my technology was acting up and that accountant had seemed offended that he wasn’t the only person I had agreed to meet with from the dating site (which kinda boggled my mind), but also partly due to this barpal’s mood. He’s normally pretty high-strung and a bit argumentative, but in a quiet bar we’ve managed to converse and have it feel fruitful, so I figured we’d each calm down and the night could mellow out. But the music was loud and he was talking a mile a minute, starting off with military topics before abruptly turning the conversation to sex.
Not sure how or why that conversation came up, but I was only 2 beers into the evening by that point, so we’re not talking about a natural evolution of the conversation over the course of a long night between two drunks. No, we were talking about SJWs and their propaganda, and then I mentioned what happened that evening and also how my dating life was going, and right there he brought up anal sex, at first seeming to be joking but then refusing to let the topic go. He apparently wanted to get across his opinion that anal sex is important in all relations, even hetero relations, and that we women need to get with the program. I stated that that strikes me as an opinion influenced by porn viewing and that not all of us are into that sort of thing. He kept cutting me off and really trying to drill home his point that too many men are “homophobic,” that being their reason for not being open to the practice. He also took issue with my reference to anal sex as a “kink,” a word he seemed to be offended by. He kept bringing up homosexuals and jabbered about changing norms and spoke rather derisively about “the vag” (as he put it).
Admittedly, my head started to spin since he’s so talkative and interrupts constantly and came across kind of aggressively on a topic that I just didn’t care about and had no real interest in discussing further. Told him that I don’t see the big deal, that when it comes to people’s sexuality it can’t help but be subjectively assessed, that our personal preferences are our own and so be it. To which he then bizarrely mentioned how racist views are personal preferences too, as if that in any way related to the topic. Like, what? I didn’t understand why this seemed to matter to him so much and why he seemed so offended that I took a different view of the matter. It’s not as if I was pulling out my pitchfork and castigating him for his views, yet he was taking issue with my “vanilla” ones, in a neighborhood pub early on a Thursday evening. Turned to him and point-blank said: “You do you.” Find someone who’s into that and that’ll be cool. No worries. But it’s not for everybody. We don’t all have to see this the same way. Beyond that, the music is loud and I can’t hear what all he’s saying well enough and I don’t wish to keep on discussing this in a place where others are around and my voice has a tendency to carry. He kept on, so I then stated that I don’t find this conversation interesting. He then got up, looking pretty irritated, and said something about how I seem to be getting upset and turned to walk out. I requested that we step outside where it’s quieter and I can smoke so that we can settle whatever this issue is, but he acted pretty smarmy and walked away instead. Okay. That too was weird.
Wasn’t sure what to make of that. This young man was upset because I wasn’t receptive to the type of sex he’s into? All right, but he and I are not lovers, nor have we ever even flirted. I thought we hung out so as to chat about ideas and to tell one another about things we saw or read online primarily or to talk about atheism. Beyond that, berating someone over their sexual preferences is no way to entice them to lean toward your own. Struck me as a strange tactic. He kept referring to my claim of different sexual preferences being okay as a “logical fallacy,” which he wouldn’t elaborate on. Was such a weird topic that I couldn’t understand what he was driving at. What was he hoping to accomplish with any of it? Who cares if someone else isn’t into anal sex the way you are? And just because other men may not be doesn’t mean they are automatically “homophobic” or repressing their desires.
Quite frankly, it was like talking with an SJW of another stripe. My way or the highway. Agree with me or I’ll walk. If your views differ, your views must be ignorant. He had kept implying that I lacked sufficient experience with anal sex so therefore my perspective wasn’t as valid as his. That’s a very strange take on the matter, IMO. Must one engage in a behavior however many times in order to form an opinion about it? I guess I don’t grasp the hang-up here or his intensity over the topic. What does it matter? Again, we’re not lovers and I’m not condemning him for his own preference. I just don’t happen to share it. That’s reason to get up and abandon one’s beer and walk out?
Left me scratching my head on all that. Didn’t make any sense. Not sure what the hell was up with yesterday evening, but what a waste of time applying makeup to come out to deal with all of that. Finished my own drink and headed home, calling it a night. My bartender lady-friend assumed he wanted something I made obvious he wouldn’t receive from me, but his approach sucked regardless. There’s no shifting hearts and minds with that attitude. Though, no, I’m not the one to target for such fetish play. Call it whatever you want, it’s a kink to me, and that’s fine. You all can do whatever you’re going to do, but the rest of us don’t have to follow suit.
What’s up with this idea that because people’s preferences differ that that somehow is a threat to your own? Can it truly be offensive that someone else says “to each his or her own”? I told him that what adults choose to do is between them — I don’t care. What’s the problem with that?
See, what gets to me here is this notion that people are no longer satisfied with their preferences being merely tolerated — they now feel the need to impose them on others, to try to pressure you to adopt their own. That’s so weird to me. Why do that? You have your freedom, now go enjoy it. I’m not trying to stop you. Not even trying to talk you out of it. So, again, what’s the real problem here? The need for validation? That’s not my concern. He seemed to be trying to frame the matter as if I’m sexually naive and/or inexperienced, which just goes to show he doesn’t know me that well and is operating with erroneous assumptions. Beyond that, a person doesn’t need to experience everything to a great degree before recognizing their limitations and comfort levels. THAT is where some millennials and I part ways since there does seem to be this huge hedonistic push for us all to take everything as far as possible. But why? I took things far enough to grasp that that orientation toward life and living actually comes with drawbacks and unforeseen consequences, and that too is a valid perspective that I have earned over time. He kept saying the word “taboo,” as if anal sex remains so terribly taboo by this point in our society. It’s not the taboo that impacts my judgment there, as stated to him, it’s my own desires. That is a valid assertion because this is a subjective matter. I get to determine what I like to do with my own body. How is that difficult to accept?
That topic came up after he had talked about the military’s “SJW propaganda” whereby the male enlistees were instructed about how a woman saying no early in the evening cannot and should not be reversed into a yes later in the evening after the female consumed much alcohol. While I agree with him that we women do possess agency and probably shouldn’t drink ourselves blind drunk around people we don’t trust to care about our best interests, he was really angry about that topic. Yes, sexuality is tricky terrain, both in and out of the military. There are no clear-cut easy answers there that can be applied universally. Very much a situation one has to feel out for him/herself in every encounter. And yes, alcohol can and does lead to some bad decisions and then consequent regrets the next day, particularly among young people. Do we not see this clearly by now? He seemed angry that women get to change their minds, and I took the position that we all are entitled to change our minds throughout the evening. If I say yes earlier on, but then decide no, stop, no further, I retain that right. Though I should work hard to not put myself in such positions as that since, again, you’re dealing with very tricky terrain, especially when alcohol and sexuality is involved. None of which I was able to thoroughly elaborate on since he kept interrupting everything I tried to say.
Hmmm. I have some odd conversations with some odd folks sometimes. Not terribly uncommon. Gotten used to them over time, but they still do leave me wondering about humanity. As in, where is this all heading? What are our priorities here? What’s the goal in pushing these boundaries? Just to do so? How little do we even care about one another? Is this just another manifestation of our sense of alienation? I said the word “intimacy” last night and he abruptly stopped me and asked what that even means. That strikes me as rather sad if that was intended as a serious question. Have we lost our way entirely by now? Do young people truly struggle with the concept of intimacy? Is that too becoming a relic of a bygone era?
Dumb bar conversations probably shouldn’t consume this much of my mental energy, but it can’t be helped. Humans confuse me — always have and likely always will, in all settings. I can’t help but ponder this sort of stuff, which is probably why I’m better off finding more productive things to do than getting wrapped up in seemingly pointless conversations with bewildering people. But I like to think that conversing is key, that we must communicate with one another in order to make better sense of life and living. But…some days it feels like a lost cause and like we’re all already doomed. Pessimism on my part, sure, but I can’t see where all of this is heading anywhere worthwhile, at least not during my lifetime. Push, push, push is all we seem to know how to do anymore. Argue and pressure and deride and sarcastically and passive-aggressively agitate one another appears to be all the rage. Why can’t we be satisfied with exploring our own freedom instead of constantly worrying with what everybody else is doing? Why do we feel the need for others to join in and to do as we do? I take it as a sign that individuality hasn’t taken root deeply enough, particularly for the youngest among us. You do you. You don’t need millions of others doing exactly as you do. Hell, I wouldn’t advocate for others to follow in my footsteps — in some respects quite the opposite. Because not all lifestyles can be universally appreciated or experienced in a healthy manner. C’est la vie.