Tuesday morning journaling

My knees are so jacked. And if I quit falling on them it would probably help immensely. Oy.

Drunken me. Can’t recall everything I got up to last night but know I was in safe company. The night before I was just as bad yet not around the right people. The word was that I took a couple hits in the face by a guy whom I know as a barpal who claimed to want to teach me a couple fighting moves. He’s a married man and ex-cage fighter. Apparently he fucked me up a bit, and publicly. Don’t remember it hardly at all and luckily my face didn’t hurt the next day, though my knee did. My knees have been put through entirely too much over the years. Between walking in snow and ice and being a barhound my poor knees have taken a beating.

Been dealing with idiots for far too long. People can say we’re all equal all they want but the truth is that some are dumber than others. Apparently I give time to retards more often than I should. Thinking their hearts are in the right place, but no, they’re too stupid to behave properly. Hence why a guy, so says the bartender on duty that night, got jabs in on me in my face while claiming to be teaching me something. Didn’t teach me jack, just fucked me up. My fault for trusting the idiot for a minute.

And it’s nights like those when I wonder most about what I am doing in this life.

At least last night I was in safe company, but even still I intended to come home 12 hours ago to eat dinner. Got distracted by alcohol and entertainment, like usual.

I surely am an idiot for allowing my life to become this. No question there.

There are so many things I’d rather share on here, like my reading material, and yet this is what I keep having to report on. Because I’m fucking up, relentlessly. Middle-aged barhound with no direction at present. Just recovering from the past while making stupid decisions day to day.  I know.

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