Personal thoughts on an early Thursday morning in spring 2017

Got to thinking about my dad tonight. And by that I mean my ex-stepdad who was the only dad I’ve ever known. Had Papa (my grandpa) as my other and predominant father figure. But they both had a major influence.

While writing the last post I got to thinking if my dad had been quizzed would he even know how many schools I’ve attended? Nine (excluding one other for a short spell in the first grade in MS). He didn’t have that kind of life. Neither did my mother. Neither did my little brother who began attending a private school in the first grade that he attended until graduation. Totally different lives. Can make it hard to relate at times.

Don’t wonder if my mother knows since I doubt she’d ever care.

Somehow it all went this way. And that’s okay, or at least it simply is what it is. Nobody promised us a rose garden. Yet, that which sets us apart is also what provides us a unique perspective. At least in theory. Heh

I’m not mad at them. My life has been interesting, to say the least. Hope it continues to be so. Probably would help if I left bars alone for the most part, particularly that one mentioned already that sucks. Don’t have enough patience for all that. Better to sit alone than deal with jackasses and jerks. Though I do like to visit with my pals who aren’t assholes. It’s a conundrum where my “dark side” or gremlin (as I prefer to call it) keeps winning out. Totally destructive aspect of my being, and I do recognize it. That’s my battle at present. Fed the wrong wolf for too long apparently. Certainly not proud of that. But such is life. Better to see it for what it is than remain willfully blind.

Been seeing that for a while now though. Won’t pretend I haven’t. The “dark side” definitely has its intoxicating effects. Been here for so long that it seems to be in my nature. And maybe it is, intrinsically.

Life is crazy, life is mad…  So what’s your destiny? Take it, take it in your hands. To paraphrase a beloved Enigma song.

And so be it.

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