Back up on my horse

Not happy with myself at present. Last night was a step back, creating a false start in my progress. Helped absolutely nothing and only added stress in the end. No point offering up any excuses. Just have to double-down on my efforts going forward.

I knew there was something strange about my cravings being so mild this past week. Was too good to be true. Were just biding their time apparently. And the end result was as expected… I feel bad emotionally in particular, but also have a bit of a headache too. And it cost money, which I cannot afford to waste right now.

Really angry at myself today. Very frustrated. But all I can do now is pick up the pieces and keep moving forward. That was my lapse and it’s the only one I get this year. Wasn’t worth a damn. Just created more disappointment.

So anyway, here I am today. Can’t let that happen again. Getting cagey and stir-crazy in this apartment isn’t an excuse. Have to find other venues, other options to occupy my time. Trying to sort out my finances today since they’re all up in the air. Everything’s tight and won’t improve unless I improve. This is most definitely crunch time in terms of pulling in the money needed to cover all the bills and to begin saving so as to pay on other things that must be tended to. The bar is like a black hole — money goes in and nothing of value comes out. Can’t even enjoy it anymore anyway since I’m so stressed about drinking. No point in even walking back in there anytime soon. And in the future, if I do, I’ll order an orange juice or soda. No more of those non-alcoholic beers. All they do is increase the temptation for the real thing. Noted.

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