Too much free time on my hands lately. Work is usually over by 4pm each day, and I’ve been staying home more in an attempt to save money and stay away from bar drama. And then I came down with yet another cold. Seems like I’ve been getting sick every other week this winter. Just a chest cold this time around — more of a sinus cold right after Christmas. So the goal has been to stay indoors as much as possible, keeping warm while drinking plenty of fluids.
So I have time to wander the internet for hours at a time once again. Been perusing youtube mostly and seeking out new channels of interest. Accidentally stumbled across a weird one yesterday that is now leading me to dark corners on the web. As happens sometimes. I have a stronger stomach than many when it comes to viewing disgusting shit and disturbing crime scene footage and all sorts of nasties. Then I wandered back across Encyclopedia Dramatica, a site of little value that every once in a blue in a moon shows up on my radar. Icky stuff on there. The kinds of things that make you wonder if you need a vacation from browsing the internet. No context provided, just lots and lots of gory images. I don’t recommend it to others. None of my friends would dare sit through viewing such junk. Heck, one of my friends couldn’t even stomach the video I sent him the other day of jigger removal in an African village by a medical relief organization. It was sickening to watch, no doubt, but I managed to view a couple of hours of that footage out of curiosity. Planning on including it in an upcoming blog post outlining reasons why I personally have no interest in visiting Africa. Jiggers (a.k.a. sand fleas) are not to be fucked with. Worst parasite I’ve ever seen humans plagued with.
Curiosity leads me to the most bizarre places online.
And just when I get to thinking that my “liberal” buddies are being too dramatic in lamenting how humanity is so completely fucked up and cruel, I stumble across a goldmine of proof that indeed some humans are complete psychos. Makes one think Jeffrey Dahmer actually wasn’t an anomaly. Ugh.
Weird thing is I keep pondering the usefulness of sadomasochism in terms of comprehending the golden rule of not doing to others what one wouldn’t want done to oneself. But then I come across disturbing-ass shit that’s so depraved that I can’t meaningfully integrate those individuals and the examples they display in my overall assessment without skewing the whole spectrum. I do not understand humans when I witness us taking sadism and self-harm to such monumental extremes. Just winds up appearing to defy all reason. But I’m not content with leaving it there and shrugging it off. I’m troubled by the question “Why?” What’s the point in it? How does such incredible apathy come into existence and how is it not absolutely antithetical to life and living? Does it possess any utility whatsoever, and if so, what? Or, do some tendencies and proclivities arise that are wholly antagonistic to living? If so, why? Freud’s “death instinct” idea didn’t seem sufficient in explaining such phenomena, so I wonder what might. And how does one counter it in an effective manner? Can you even do so outside of simply destroying that which only seeks to destroy and defile? How does a person get to that point? What kind of life can shape and mold the human psyche for accepting such degradation?
Some things I’ll probably never understand. Not even sure why I try to do so. Virtually impossible to reconcile such shit with common, conventional ideas about life and love, respect and care, rationality and sensibility. Many tell me to ignore that side of life, but I can’t. It’s there and I know it. How does one ignore and pretend away the obvious?