Upset a friend last night. Unintentional and inadvertent, but it happened. Wasn’t my goal, but still. I don’t regret my decision to pull away and change course. Not the same person I used to be and no longer wish to be that person. Sure, it would’ve been nice if I definitively understood that a bit further in advance to last evening, but sometimes we have to be put in a pressure spot to truly and deeply comprehend where we’ve come to stand. I changed over time and will never be her again, not like that. Can’t. Don’t wish to be. Some things money can’t buy and can actually devalue.
Seasons change and so do I, we need not wonder why…
So, I feel badly that my friend was upset by this turn of events, but alas — such is life, harsh as that may sound. Never claimed to be a sweetheart nor the most accommodating woman around. I do care, but I also care about myself and my own progress as well. Wish I hadn’t been so allured by the offer presented, but old habits die hard. Glad that I called it off though while there was still time to do so, admittedly wishing I had seen more clearly sooner.
I don’t doubt he’ll read this, so partly this is being posted for his benefit. But I am also attempting to assert my own self here. Definitively. Irrevocably.
The heart wants what it wants. I can’t and won’t apologize for that. So I’m going to concern myself with continuing to follow it since returning to the past and the old ways is guaranteed to be regressive. That was a long time ago and I like living today in the knowledge of how far behind me all that was. So let’s just leave it there and move on. Otherwise we’ll wind up parting ways because I just can’t stomach that reality anymore, as he knows and as I’ve stated many times prior. What was true is still true, come to find out once again.
That’s all I have to say on the matter.