Hello Fall (late-September journaling)

Very little rest for the wicked…

Been enjoying staying out and about lately. Not playing the scene in any major way, just mingling and meeting new folks. Not really seeking much of anything right about now other than interaction and entertainment.

Will say that the one guy I attempted to date this summer wound up being a pain in the ass. Really and truly. A bad drunk who gets an attitude problem on the drop of a dime. People, especially online, like to say that we womenfolk should give men in precarious situations a chance, should be open-minded to the possibility that maybe they’ve been falsely accused by a female which is why they’ve wound up in the legal and financial predicaments they face, that maybe they’re decent men underneath it all deserving of a fair shake. Okay, well, I’m the type to give people a couple of chances to see what they’re made of, and this last attempt unfortunately demonstrated that some guys bring hellfire onto themselves. His financial problems appear largely to be a consequence of his drinking problem. Let his life fall down. Bankrupt his business, let his house be foreclosed on (which makes little sense for a place he’s lived in for 20 years that only has a $700-something/mo. mortgage payment, not much more than I’ve been paying in rent all these years — in other words, not some ballooning mortgage trap), let his child support payments fall behind on the one daughter he has. And the domestic violence charge, accompanied by an OWI, that he managed to attract last year turns out to be the result of his own drunken stupidity and negligence. He’s a grown man in his 50s so this isn’t some naive young man I’m speaking about here. Well, with all of that on his current resume you’d think maybe he’d be grateful that a woman would be willing to take a chance on his ass. Wrong. Arrogant and rude for no good reason is what he is. About a month into knowing him I finally had had enough. Can’t even be friends with a son of a bitch like that. Mean-spirited jerk is what he proved to be. Kind of embarrassed that I ever gave him the time of day to begin with. On top of that, he’s a bartender. I rarely ever date bartenders, and for good reason.

Story should’ve ended over a week back when I walked out and told him to cease contact going forward. But a week on he texts me saying he’s looking into renting an apartment in my complex. Yikes. And this is yet another reason for why I rarely let men know where I live. Don’t like being harassed in my own abode. All I need is his drunken asshole antics waiting for me in the parking lot at 2am when I’m trying to make my way back home. Told him I was uncomfortable having him live here. Not like we live in a small town — there are plenty of other rentals in the area. And he responded with denigration and spite throughout the evening, playing on my phone, trying to get a rise out of me. Told him to go away and leave me be. Kept texting mean-spirited shit to where I finally did give him a piece of my mind. First time for me to really tell him off thus far. Was working on keeping my temper in check, but no, he couldn’t let a sleeping dog lie. So, anyway, I’ll do what I have to do to protect the sanctity of my home life. If he wants a battle, he can have one. I’m not one to back down easily. His last girlfriend reportedly has no self-esteem; well, I’m not her and I don’t take this type of crap. He may be used to being a bully but it won’t fly with me. I didn’t do anything to deserve his ill will and am surprised he feels so justified in flipping me all this shit. Like I am just supposed to take it. Why? Because he needs someone to look down on and take it out on. Not my problem. He can kick rocks. And that’s where it all left off. Hopefully he has just enough sense to recognize that I won’t play with his sorry ass and that he’s cruising for greater issues if he keeps trying to engage with me at this point.

Unfortunate that it had to come to that. Was no reason for it. Should’ve gotten along just fine. But he’s a shitty drunk with a chip on his shoulder. It surprised me to find it out, but it is what it is apparently. Gave him a couple chances and wound up regretting it both times. So, I’m done. No benefit in putting up with that from a relative stranger. The man has nothing to bring to the table, yet he seems to think the world owes him everything. I won’t pretend to understand. Not even interested in analyzing it any further. Just stating this here so as to vent it out. That being my first real attempt to get back into the dating scene. uh_oh

So, anyway, that aside…beyond dealing with that tool, life’s not so bad. Not much else to complain about these days. Been listening to good music and hanging out with my peeps, meeting new folks and chillin’ into the late-night hours. Working during the day, escaping during the night. Not interested in getting tangled up in any new seriously committed relationship anytime soon. My former companion and I still have our bs moments, but overall we’ve been getting along better throughout this summer. Trying to take life easy right about now, going with the flow so much as I’m able. Steering clear of the partisan political bullshit since that’s a monumental waste of time. Staying out of gender-related battles as well since I’m sufficiently sick of the he said/she said drama. Humans are all capable of being assholes so far as I can see, myself included.

What else? Gearing up for a busier work weekend. Planning to share pizza with my former this evening. Watching the wheels go ’round and ’round. Ain’t about much these days, and that’s fine. People like to guilt you for not taking on their pet project or standing up for this or that cause, but ah well. Since when did they care about what I care about? Everybody seems to think we need to change the world, whereas I’m doing my best now to try to flow with it, to stop resisting so much and to learn to adapt so far as I’m willing and able. Sure, there’s a ton of bullshit to contend with in today’s world, which likely has always been the case. But what people reasonably expect us all to do is beyond me. Seems mostly folks just want to flap their gums over this or that matter, pretending to be doing something rather than living a life of action. Berating people to vote for this or that candidate, as if that’s going to change the system one iota by this point. Best way to change the world is to change thyself. Rather than worrying with what everybody else is doing. It’s too easy to stand in judgment of everybody else — no real challenge in doing that. Just a cheap way to appear like you’re passionate and driven without putting any real skin in the game. I tire of that.

That’s my update for today. Time for work.

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