Late-night journaling in August

Life is crazy, life is mad…to quote a favorite song by Enigma.

Yup. Sure is. But interesting as hell nevertheless.

Am grateful for the opportunity to lounge alone in this couple’s backyard above-ground pool today and yesterday and one other day prior to that. Was out there 3 hours today, just baking away on a float. Was a good time. All by myself, aside from whatever neighbors might can see into their yard. Sun-burnt my ass.  cheeky_smiley  And face. Got some color, which is what I need. And sunshine. Watched the clouds drift by, took notice of a hawk in the tree, pondered stuff, felt thankful ultimately. Hadn’t really laid out all summer thus far. I love pools.

I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go ’round and ’round…

Started a part-time job about a month ago which keeps me a little busier, as I need to be kept. Involves more driving around. But ah well. Nice to stay occupied right about now. Brings in a little money, what isn’t eaten up by gas expenses (which will be accounted for on my taxes next year along with mileage). A rather simple independent contractor gig. Getting to know my phone’s GPS navigation via Google Maps. Much as traffic routinely bugs me, I do like to drive. And work primarily alone. This project fulfills those inclinations at least.

Been sticking with going to the gym. Maybe 10 lbs. from my initial goal weight at present. Still digging all that.

Other shit’s been happening too. That all is whatever it is. Not for public consumption. Just on the mind currently…

Been feeling a bit better in recent weeks. Gave a little “dating” a whirl, if we could call it that fully. Met a nice older guy, just not my type beyond developing a friendship. Not really interested in seriously dating anyone right now. Nor interested much in “playing the field” either by this point. But I have other ideas forming. Other options in mind. Not so certain strict monogamy is realistic for me long-term. Thinking it isn’t. Probably better off with a small harem. C’est la vie. Shakes out for us however it does. This is how I personally am geared, right or wrong. So sweethearts with “traditional” points of reference probably need to be treated with more care and discernment. But people unfold their personalities, and we quite obviously can’t reasonably be expected to fully and accurately assess compatibility at first glance or even during the first few dates. We all unfold to one another over time. No matter how upfront we aim to be, aspects of our personalities can’t help but remain obscured for however long. Just gotta roll with it. No reason in this case for anyone to be upset. Just not looking for the same things or in compatible circumstances or meshing well enough for romantic attachment to take root. Reasonably nice guy though. Plan on remaining in touch. Felt bad about it though since he seemed really smitten, and I got to dash his hopes. Wasn’t aiming to be mean, just have ambitions in a wholly other direction. Toward myself mostly since I need to get back in the groove of spending time alone working on projects. Writing particularly feels good for my soul. Been neglecting that.

All about the late-night distractions though. Especially going out socializing.

What else? I feel all right today. Been doing some soul-searching. Still slowly making my way through the print book Ego and Archetype by Edward Edinger. Today began also listening to the audiobook The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris and Steven Hayes. Interesting book thus far. Recently finished up listening to Richard Feynman’s What Do You Care What Other People Think?  Particularly loved his last essay in there about science and the moral roles scientists are expected by the public to play. Beyond that I’ve been listening to a ton of music. And occasionally watching comedians. Sometimes it’s necessary to bring things down to simple and even a bit stupid.

Wasn’t a bad day nor been a bad week. A bit odd in ways, but each day is unique unto itself. And so be it. Living and learning, like always…

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