Thursday evening thoughts in August

Anthony Robbins on TED (2011):

I know he’s considered a motivational speaker, but I can’t help but like that guy. He speaks a lot of truth. We are emotional beings, first and foremost. And the need for gratitude and to give back to others is very real.

Need to clean out and explore the webs in our own minds — yes. I do and am actively working on that at present. It’s a long, hard road to change oneself, particularly when you feel fearful and are mired in bad thoughts like those that repeatedly tell you that you’re insignificant, can’t change in any real and lasting way, are too difficult to love, are too aggressive and reactive, etc. I have a lot of faults and flaws and won’t pretend otherwise. But there’s more to life than just that, than just this, and I have more to give.

Things have been looking up a bit lately. Celebrated my birthday recently and my former companion was very sweet that evening and gave me several nice gifts that assured me he does care. Can’t always help whom we happen to love. I’ll love that man for the rest of my life, and that’s just the way it will be. And he claims the same is true in reverse. Yet we’ll still move on and do what we each individually need to do in order to find whatever it is we each are seeking for personal fulfillment. And that’s just the way life goes…

I am grateful for my friends and for my Grandma. And I look forward to making new friends going forward.

Never again do I want to feel as socially anxious and depressed as I have the last couple of years. But these life problems are indeed opportunities and they’ve resulted in many mirrors being held up to me so that I can see what I have become, both good and bad. That insight has been a blessing of sorts, painful as it has been to reckon with. Gaining courage has become the name of my little game over here. Sometimes I can summon it out of nowhere, and other times it eludes me, but I know now what to strive for in that regard.

It’s a very strange feeling to lose oneself. But that comes with living, I suppose. It can happen. And perhaps it’s a great blessing when it does if one can pull past that and learn from it and carry on. Maybe a person needs to see different aspects of themselves and what they are capable of in order for them to make the conscious choice on where to go from there. Maybe that’s just the way it has to be.

Anyway, that’s all I care to write tonight. Have a little more work to do tonight and have plans to be very busy with work this entire extended weekend. But another year has passed and events of the last month or so have softened my heart a good bit. The anger is dissipating finally. Working toward establishing peace with one another has been very meaningful and felt very necessary. Carrying around all that pain and aggravation and resentment was tearing me up inside.

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3 Responses to Thursday evening thoughts in August

  1. Wyrd Smythe says:

    “Celebrated my birthday recently…”
    Well, Happy Birthday! I’m staring down the big 60 in a bit over a week.

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