“One, two, three, they’re gonna run back to me. Always wanna come but they never wanna leave…”

I’m well-aware my last post was a bit disturbing. So try this one on for size.

Here’s a song my former companion played for me a couple weeks back that I’d never heard before, Elle King’s “Ex’s & Oh’s”:

Now, envision the man who played this: 43 years of age, heavy drinker, tobacco chewer, muscular due to a labor-intensive job, not terribly tall but not short either, close-cropped blond hair, very pretty smile, likes to wear snug-fitting jeans and relatively tight t-shirts that flatter his physique. That was my man. And this is the song he’s been jamming out to lately in bars and wanted to share with me, his former girlfriend, while we were drinking and joking around at his place the night we broke my cold turkey vow.

Today I decided to re-listen to it after hearing it at the bar again last night. Hmmm. Paid attention to the lyrics this time.

Hmmm. “One, two, three, they’re gonna run back to me. Always wanna come but they never wanna leave…”

The full lyrics:

Well, I had me a boy, turned him into a man
I showed him all the things that he didn’t understand
Whoa, and then I let him go

Now, there’s one in California who’s been cursing my name
‘Cause I found me a better lover in the UK
Hey, hey, until I made my getaway

One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
‘Cause I’m the best baby that they never gotta keep
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave

Ex’s and the oh, oh, oh’s they haunt me
Like ghosts they want me to make ’em all
They won’t let go
Ex’s and oh’s

I had a summer lover down in New Orleans
Kept him warm in the winter, left him frozen in the spring
My, my, how the seasons go by

I get high, and I love to get low
So the hearts keep breaking, and the heads just roll
You know that’s how the story goes

One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
‘Cause I’m the best baby that they never gotta keep
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave

Ex’s and the oh, oh, oh’s they haunt me
Like ghosts they want me to make ’em all
They won’t let go

My ex’s and the oh, oh, oh’s they haunt me
Like ghosts they want me to make ’em all
They won’t let go
Ex’s and oh’s

One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
Coming over mountains and a-sailing over seas
One, two, three, they gonna run back to me
They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave

My ex’s and the oh, oh, oh’s they haunt me
Like ghosts they want me to make ’em all
They won’t let go

Ex’s and the oh, oh, oh’s they haunt me
Like ghosts they want me to make ’em all
They won’t let go
Ex’s and oh’s

Certainly recasts tonight’s dinner invitation in a new light, to say the least.

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5 Responses to “One, two, three, they’re gonna run back to me. Always wanna come but they never wanna leave…”

  1. Wyrd Smythe says:

    You’re associating with someone who has a vested and explicit interest in your failure. There is no “us” — the question is what is wrong with you?

    • Byenia says:

      You may be right, Wyrd.

      • Wyrd Smythe says:

        I watched a very interesting YT video about addiction the other day. What the guys says makes good sense to me. Maybe you’ll find it useful:
        https://youtu.be/PY9DcIMGxMs

        • Byenia says:

          First off, I watched that video you sent me about addictions yesterday and really appreciated it. Thanks! That was a very useful presentation there, and I am in agreement with that man that addicts need to be reintegrated, not further isolated. Thought on that talk for the rest of the day yesterday.

          As for my situation with my former, I do think it’s a bit more complex than he simply wanting for my failure. He doesn’t consciously want that, I really don’t believe. We just have a weird, competitive, probably codependent dynamic going on. And now we’re getting more brutally honest with one another, which is harsh and cruel at times but still probably deserves to be put on the table.

          We had a nice dinner last night, then talked late into the evening. I’ve explicitly given him the option of letting me back way up so that he can continue to pursue that woman if that’s his prerogative, but he won’t take that. Says he’d rather let her go and claims he’s going to have a talk with her soon. I don’t understand that since he and I get along like cats and squirrels and have a ton of water under our bridge and no plans of getting back together, but for whatever reason we keep trying to deal with one another. Even promised I’d back off and not give him any grief and remain a friend at a distance, though available to talk with if he ever needed me. But he didn’t want that. Seems to matter to both of us that we figure out how to become better friends to one another. And maybe we’ll succeed. Maybe. I don’t know. But I have nothing much to lose other than my time spent in this ordeal.

          When someone feels like kin, walking away completely can be a very tough call. I’ve walked away from a lot of people throughout my life and burnt many bridges, and I don’t regret much of that. Walked away from and practically disowned several family members as well. So I am capable of doing it. Just that here I’m not certain that’s the right answer. He needs people in his corner too, and I genuinely care about him. And I’m one difficult woman whom he’s had a lot of patience with in the past. But we have drinking and lifestyle issues that are muddling up each of our lives. This is becoming clear to him too now finally. It’s all a process, and I’m trying to learn patience in dealing with it.

          His ego flashes up sometimes, but then it wilts again. He’s not so proud, otherwise he wouldn’t let people take advantage of him the way he does. And he wouldn’t let women dominate him, as I sometimes am guilty of, as are some other females in his life. He and I both are in a situation where we need to get stronger and become better than where we’ve wound up. Feels like we’re holding mirrors up to one another, and that sucks but feels necessary. In the last couple of days especially he seems to be gearing up to make some changes, and I hope he goes through with that, for both of our sake but mostly for his own. I won’t give up on him, though I won’t continue to pursue him. We’re not right for one another romantically and have thoroughly proven that. I wish for him to use better judgment going forward and to find a nice woman, a truly sweet woman with her heart in the right place. And I will support him as a friend so far as I am able. Even if he does tick me off to no end sometimes.

          Crazy as all that might sound. Human affairs are never as clean-cut as we wish they were. But I can hold onto the fight. As he even said recently, I take my lumps (albeit not always terribly well) and keep getting back up. This relationship has been very transformative for me in the lessons it’s brought, much as they’ve hurt. Might’ve made me crazier, but it’s also showing me my strengths and weaknesses and areas where I need to make changes. And now it appears to be my turn to try to help him in what ways I am able. Or at least that’s how it’s beginning to look to me as of right now. Ask me next week and I may have another perspective on all of this. It shifts around a lot.

          • Wyrd Smythe says:

            “I watched that video you sent me…”

            Yeah, I think it makes a lot of sense, too.

            “And now it appears to be my turn to try to help him in what ways I am able.”

            Certainly a valid and worthy way to look at it. Can be costly, even ultimately unsuccessful, but per that video,… who knows, maybe it’s the right thing! I hope it works out for you!

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