Friday journaling

Continuing to feel a bit better with each passing day. Been a long couple of weeks though, most definitely. Decided to mark another one of my recent posts private since the details are ours to sort out. Still not feeling up to eating much and my stomach does hurt, so I brought home a rotisserie chicken today so that I can snack on it little by little. This drama just sent my nerves for a loop is all, and undoubtedly things will improve as time moves on.

Went shopping today and bought nice new sheets and a couple new pillows to replace his old ones. Had a coupon, plus a gift certificate from Christmas, and the sheetset was on sale, so I managed to get all of that for right under $50. Just trying to reclaim my own space again.

My trainer put off today’s meeting until tomorrow afternoon, so I’m currently debating whether to head to the gym instead for a cardio workout session.

Sat outside for a while this afternoon listening to the next-door neighbor lady tell of what’s been going on in her family lately. Feels good just to listen to someone else share what they’re going through since I’ve been really stuck up in my own head with personal thoughts a lot recently.

The anger is abating. As is the sadness. Just gonna take time…

Of course I miss him, but I don’t miss how we got to treating each other. I don’t miss basically coming to live in the shadows of his life. More so, today it dawned on me that I miss myself and whom I’m capable of being. Missed going out and socializing with new people like I always used to like to do. Missed spending time with my friends since I had gotten to where I was avoiding most people. Kinda missed getting dolled up, as I did last weekend while out of town, considering I hadn’t been wearing makeup hardly at all the last year or so. Got to feeling like a pointless chore for a while there. Should also go get a pedicure one of these days.

I miss living as my own authentic self.

Haven’t painted in years. Might would be nice to carry my dart set out again one night and play a game of Cricket. One man I chatted with last night said he’d like to take me to a movie sometime, and that’d probably be nice. Still hoping to go bowling one of these days, even though I suck at it. ha  Might try to get up with my buddy down the way again tonight since I’m feeling a bit better and no longer will be stuck on rehashing what’s gone down.

But right now I need to go workout and then eat a few bites. I’ll be damned if I don’t drop more of this weight. That alone will go far in improving my outlook and self-esteem.

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