Got to thinking about something again today that went through my mind a while back. Has focusing so much attention on the online “manosphere” and its claims and drama these last 2+ years actually contributed to worsening the guilt complex I’ve developed during my latest relationship? Because I can see points where it certainly didn’t help, like when it came to all the bashing of women and speaking about us as being these horrible people out to take advantage of men and laughing about us “hitting the wall” by hitting age 30 and ridiculing females who put on any weight, etc. It’s like, geez…listening to and reading some of that shit is a mindfuck in its own right. I kept looking into it because I was curious and obviously am interested in social dynamics and all the ways it can play out, plus how the future appears to be unfolding in the U.S. and elsewhere, plus imbalances in power and questions of justice — but damn. That “manospherian” shit can be toxic to keep consuming. Bad for the mind and spirit, not helpful if the goal is to heal gender relations where possible, and just cruel more often than not.
Don’t think I would’ve stayed around to listen and read so much of that if I hadn’t already been in a precarious spot emotionally and socially, though it certainly didn’t improve any of that. Mostly made me think society is going mad and ramped up my fear of having to return to the dating scene. And I think it’s played into my insecurities more than anything else, not enlightened me on how to become a better person. It’s looking to me now to be one of the negative influences feeding into my life and darkening my worldview, which has proven no good for me or anybody I interact with. Just a bunch of mean-spiritedness mostly and that shit can poison one’s mind and outlook.
Taken up too much time dealing with those circles and their incessant negativity and bitterness. There are a few people who affiliate with those groups whom I still do like and intend to continue interacting with, but overall I’m ready to take a BIG step away from all that drama. Because what is it really achieving? People are hurt and lash out in response — I get it. But where does the reacting end? What comes next? I don’t want to stay steeped in anger and pain and resentment for years and years. Whole demographics of people aren’t the enemy, only select individuals are, and every demographic contains some assholes and jerks.
Sometimes shit just goes wrong between people, and while the blame game may feel satisfying for a minute, it doesn’t actually improve a thing in going forward. We’re all mad at and hurt by some folks out here in the world, and if we’re honest with ourselves we’d likely recognize that we’re not saints either and have done our share of causing pain to others as well. Welcome to human life. It’s complicated. None of us escape this existence unscathed. To live is to be active, which makes us actors, and we all impact one another whether we realize it or not, regardless even of what we might intend.
Once again, nobody promised us a rose garden. It largely is what we make of it, though we can’t help but be impacted by others. And some of them are gonna break our hearts, and we’re gonna break some of theirs too. Or offend, or obstruct, or annoy, or enrage, etc. Some of them are going to prove reckless and inconsiderate and even downright mean at times…but that’s life. I can be awfully mean too and won’t pretend otherwise. So far as I can tell, we humans are a mixed up lot. Living is a learning process and all of us fail at times and make bad choices and behave in ways we wish we hadn’t, and the best we can do with that is learn from these experiences and try to move forward. Stewing in pain and anger for years on end winds up holding us back, does it not? I understand that we all go through phases and life can be extremely overwhelming at times to where we just have to hunker down and lick our wounds for a while, but doing so isn’t the basis for a movement. And whipping people who are already down into a further panicked frenzy doesn’t help a thing, just ensures the pain keeps paying forward.
We like to think that what goes on online doesn’t really bleed over into our everyday lives, but that’s not true. These attitudes do carry over, and people can be genuinely affected by the vitriolic harshness they’re exposed to online. I worry most for younger people with limited life experience who take so much of this negativity in and start believing in it uncritically. Because that’s not doing them any favors, not really. Then someone like me comes along and stumbles across that “manosphere” stuff and it just enhances my own worries and stokes my own aggressiveness and defensiveness. Men and women do tend to differ in ways, but so what? We all differ in countless ways regardless of our sex/gender or race or nationality or political leanings or whatever else. Humans are a diverse species, as should be pretty obvious to us. And lots and lots of us will find reasons to take issue with one another. That’s just life. We all impact and react, so it’s a question of becoming more conscious of all of that and figuring out what power we do possess and how to hopefully wield it in a more productive way. Because what else do we have? Everybody else on earth aren’t about to change to suit us and our individual preferences. Sure, charlatans and users do exist — absolutely they do. Helps to be cognizant of that. But do we want to become fearful? Do we want to become hateful and spiteful? If not, then we better become aware of what we’re taking in and how that may be influencing our outlooks.
I don’t want to live mired in pain and anger over the past anymore. Spent enough years going through that. Really don’t want to deal with that for the rest of my life. Would like to become a better person, because lord knows the person I’ve been hurting the most through all these years has been my own self. Not to mention the toll it can take on one’s loved ones. I don’t want to keep falling prey to my insecurities or to continue viewing myself in a negative light. So I no longer have the patience to continue listening to people spew cruel words about entire groups of people, looking to inflict emotional pain and nervousness onto others because they themselves are malcontent. Helps nobody. Doesn’t even help them in the end. Nobody out here is perfect. Besides that, the people being impacted by these harsh messages aren’t likely the intended audience so much as the curious onlookers and those that care enough to take the time to listen to someone else’s point of view. So they’re not even whipping the people they’re wanting to whip since those people wouldn’t grant them the opportunity. Instead they’re just whipping themselves into a frenzy and upsetting one another and people like me who are prone to stare into the abyss for long spells of time. In short, the hurt and angry are impacting others who are hurt and angry and/or curious, and that’s about it. Those who don’t care aren’t listening in the first place, and those who do wind up receiving the hard time and blame. Well, I don’t have energy for that anymore.
Healing and moving forward is my personal aim at this point, so I’m going to try to seek out sources and information that aid in that endeavor. Two years proved to be enough of taking that all in. Learned some things that altered my outlook by broadening my concern horizon, so that part was worthwhile, but the incessant blaming and bitching and stereotyping is just nuts. And hopefully more people will figure that out themselves and choose to move on too.