“…back and forth through my mind behind a cigarette…”

Had a nice night out. Actually did. Didn’t drink too much this time. lol  Just kept it chill and slow and spent the last couple hours or more chatting with someone without a hitch.

Also, the bartender on duty there is cool. Also good people.

It’s mandatory at this point that I get out more, so I’m not sorry to be out and about socializing. Good for me at this point. Just need to keep it seriously in check while taking time to get to know worthwhile folks. That’s what it’s all about. This is my road currently in getting toward a better path and orientation. All in moderation though — that’s another necessary lesson of the moment.

It’s been a long four years…  Been a long life overall in a way. Just being honest there. Blame my weirdness and curious interests there, but whatever. Is what it is. Gotta get in a different zone now.

Music therapy remains unavoidable. Been listening to tunes mostly in my car and on my headphones again recently. In my own world right now, as is currently necessary.

A tune I was listening to on the way home tonight:

That was Fleetwood Mac’s “Gold Dust Woman” (live in concert). Love that performance.

 Now, tell me, is it over now?

Do you know how to pick up the pieces and go home?

Love the way Stevie sings that part in the song there. I get it. Been driving it home for quite a while now…

Pick your path

And then you pray…

 

The heart wants what it thinks it wants. Rationality be damned. That is part of the human condition, whether we like it or not, apparently. Can provide useful insight at least…

What’s done is done. I cannot undo the past. Part of me will continue to love that man, because it cannot be helped. There were aspects I admired and appreciated about him, most definitely. Even though he also aggravated the hell out of me regularly enough. Just as I came to aggravate him. We proved incompatible on serious levels. It’s understood. Can’t help but be a bit depressing, and that’s the way life goes. Okay. I’m still working through that. Gonna take time. He was an important person to me (though at this particular moment I can’t help but wonder why…). It is whatever it is. I’m human and this obviously extends beyond his and my relationship not working out. Another big life change needing to happen again. I do understand that and am sorting through it.

We live and we learn. Some lessons we learn vicariously through others and some we learn firsthand. Yep. That’s human life, in a nutshell. Not much more to say on it right now other than that.

So, more tunes. One I uploaded at this late hour is The White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army”:

Fell in love with that one since I first listened to it and have appreciated how its meaning to me has developed over time.

I’m gonna fight ’em off
A seven nation army couldn’t hold me back
They’re gonna rip it off
Taking their time right behind my back

And I’m talking to myself at night
Because I can’t forget
Back and forth through my mind
Behind a cigarette

And the message coming from my eyes
Says leave it alone

Don’t want to hear about it
Every single one’s got a story to tell
Everyone knows about it
From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell

And if I catch it coming back my way
I’m gonna serve it to you
And that ain’t what you want to hear
But that’s what I’ll do

And the feeling coming from my bones
Says find a home

I’m going to Wichita
Far from this opera for evermore
I’m gonna work the straw
Make the sweat drip out of every pore

And I’m bleeding, and I’m bleeding, and I’m bleeding
Right before my Lord
All the words are gonna bleed from me
And I will think no more

And the stains coming from my blood
Tell me go back home

I get it in a new way nowadays…

Damn fine song.

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