Giving a fuck and not giving a fuck simultaneously

Ferguson’s on fire, last I checked. Crazy situation there. I don’t know which side to align with on that one. We needed camera footage of what went down to assess the situation from the get-go.

Sad to see people burning businesses and cars and losing their minds though.

Watched that on the tv over at my companion’s place earlier, after dinner. The world may be going crazy, but I had a good weekend. My companion (partner-of-sorts — don’t know what to refer to him as, swiftly approaching 4 years of steadily spending time together, though officially broken up for the last year, whatever that means since we still spend nights together and regularly share meals together and chat on the phone almost every day) offered a while back to cook Thanksgiving dinner for me in advance since I’m always so busy with work on the actual holiday (when he dines with his family). So Sunday he got up early and began creating a full Thanksgiving dinner. He cooked a 10-lb. turkey, potato casserole, mashed potatoes and gravy, and stuffing (plus canned green beans and bacon for himself) — most of it from scratch since he’s an awesome cook like that. Was excellent. His potato casserole was better than his mother’s. And Monday night we heated up leftovers and basically celebrated Thanksgiving again. biggrin_green  Very much appreciated him putting in the effort for me. That was very sweet. Best Thanksgiving I’ve had in a long time. We watched our current favorite cartoons while dining.

Nice to have these positive moments when people can genuinely enjoy each other’s companionship. He and I are very different people on a lot of levels, and it’s been a process figuring that out and adjusting so far as we’re each able. But I love him. If the world falls down tomorrow, I will still be glad to have spent time with him. Wish I could’ve made it better, but water under the bridge is what it is at this point. Hoping to make it better going forward. Because he means so much to me. He’s a good man, simply put. And I’m not exactly a good woman, depending on how one wants to define that. But he sees me as good, which I’m grateful for, and we can have fun together.

Soul-searching is a process, an exploration. Search one area and more and more open up as time moves on. I have my problems, and in my own way I’ve been working to address that for a while now. Quite a while. We’re not all constituted and impacted in the same ways, for however many reasons. Topic for another time…

There’s something very humbling about love. That’s all I know this morning, after last night’s news of a city rioting. But what can I do? All evidence points to it being a clusterfuck. But life goes on, as it always does.

Love can and does aid in coping with the harsh reality we’re confronted with. And thank god for that.

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2 Responses to Giving a fuck and not giving a fuck simultaneously

  1. Wyrd Smythe says:

    Glad you found some sunshine amid all the darkness!

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