May he be resting in peace

My ex-husband died on October 23rd, 2012. So now it’s officially been the two-year anniversary of that event.

Since this happened I have been thinking about him more than usual. Though we had gotten back in contact a couple years prior to his death and spoke on the phone maybe 3 times to lay to rest what needed to be, at least coming from my end. And I’m so grateful for taking that opportunity to reach out to him after we hadn’t spoke in 4 or more years to just say that I was sorry for my part in our failed relationship and marriage. Honestly, that proved to be the best-case scenario, especially with what followed shortly after. He was merciful toward me in our phone conversations, which was humbling and appreciated.

We had last spoken several months or possibly a year prior to the accident.

I’m sad that his life was cut short but am grateful he didn’t suffer. Doctors said he died nearly instantly from a broken neck. That at least was merciful in that he didn’t have to suffer up in a hospital, as a mutual friend of ours did in our teens.

I always think about him on his birthdays too…November 12th. Always have. Formed lots of memories from around that time of the year, both positive and negative.

He said he didn’t hold a grudge against me, and initially I was slightly miffed that he offered no greater apology of his own than that, but at least he was keeping honest. He didn’t judge himself harshly from past misdeeds, just moved on from them. One of the things I liked so much about him but also led to what could drive me nuts too.  ha

Anyway, I didn’t want to say much more. Just on my mind tonight. Just been tugging on me again lately, as to be expected.

For those interested, this is a news piece about a memorial created in his community:

http://www.ozarksfirst.com/story/ghost-bike-honors-springfield-cyclist-killed-this-week/d/story/PEuPlfvgckmEtr7X_zi-pw

http://www.the-standard.org/life/campus_life/the-ghost-bike-a-quiet-reminder/article_f3ce28b6-2d1b-11e2-84ee-001a4bcf6878.html

That was really sweet of his friends to organize all of that on his behalf.

He really died. Sometimes that realization still stumps me. Been over 10 years since we last laid eyes on one another in person. But he was family once upon a time. Still a part of my life, if only in memory, and that doesn’t change.

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2 Responses to May he be resting in peace

  1. Wyrd Smythe says:

    I’m going to label 2014 as “The Year of Death.” My mom died this spring, my dad may not last the year. I reposed my dog’s ashes (10 years after she died). My best friend’s mom is battling brain cancer; his wife has an ailing parent as well. You’re pondering your ex…

    It’s just kind of weird, is all I’m saying.

    • Byenia says:

      That’s how I felt about 2011-2012, but every year is the year of death when we really back up and look at it. Can’t have living without dying…wouldn’t make any sense otherwise. Not that that’s any comfort to us…

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