A close girlfriend I’ve been friends with since childhood told me today of some new bullshit that’s been unfolding in her life this year. First, a little back-story: When she was a teenager she began dating a Hispanic boy who wasn’t up to much. During that period I didn’t live in the same state as her and she didn’t speak much to me about this boy or how he was treating her, so I really wasn’t aware what all was going on. She later said she stuck with him because that coincided with the same timeframe that her father was diagnosed with cancer and wound up dying a mere 9 months later. I know how much that period in time practically destroyed her, loving her father as much as she did, and I know her mom wasn’t barely able to cope herself and couldn’t provide the emotional support her kids needed around that time. So my girlfriend stuck with this sleazy guy for whatever comfort he did bring to the situation, and unfortunately however many months after her father passed (and she’d recently graduated from high school) she came up pregnant with his child. They’d been together roughly 4 years by the time their relationship ended during the pregnancy.
My first reaction back then was to encourage her to undergo an abortion, but she couldn’t live with that decision. So she prepared to keep the baby and underwent a lot of changes mentally and emotionally in order to do so. This sleazy guy had gotten into drugs and proved capable of physically mistreating her, so she chose to leave him and embark on the life of a single mother. I moved back to that state shortly before she became pregnant but promptly moved to another city about an hour away, though I was called to her city when she delivered the baby and I arrived at the hospital shortly after that piece of shit showed up with some other woman to see his baby. And I was sitting in her hospital room while she recovered from a cesarean when he called on the hospital phone, threatening to come take the baby and disappear with it. She was fucking frantic, scared to death of what this guy was possibly capable of, he being a regular drug-user and all by then. So I’m not going purely on her word — I heard my own self what that man was up to.
Since they were no longer a couple, he was ordered by the state to pay child support amounting to $50/month. Huge whopping sum, right? And he refused to pay that out of his drug-dealing funds. But she wasn’t even really asking him for shit at that point. She did try taking the baby around him and his family to let them see him, but they kept starting shit, his whole family being a bunch of criminals in and out prison for various offenses (you don’t know how much I wish she’d never tangled with that clan in the first place). So eventually it came down to supervised visitation at a counselor’s office where my friend sat in a separate room and this degenerate was allowed to visit the baby with the counselor present in another. Well, he didn’t want to do that and began blowing off visitation appointments, on top of refusing to pay a meager amount of child support. He didn’t want to see the kid, he wanted to see her.
My friend was approved for state housing assistance and moved into an apartment of her own. This guy got picked up on some sort of petty drug charge and whatnot around that time. Kept threatening her, saying he would steal the kid from her despite not wanting to see the baby without her present and using that time to belittle her instead of getting to know his kid. My girlfriend is scared of this man and apparently always kinda has been, which is part of the reason she kept quiet about him while she was dating him. Blame it on the highly common “bad boy phase,” if you must. But she became a bit more vocal once she left him and slowly began telling me stories of events that occurred while they were together. He’s not a good guy, nor are his family members. And he and they all kept at her until finally her mom helped her get a lawyer. They put a restraining order against him somewhere along the way there, but ultimately it led to her petitioning the court to have his parental rights revoked, which he didn’t contest, partly because he landed back in jail or prison during the ordeal (for charges having nothing to do with my friend). Her request was granted due to him refusing to pay child support, threatening her repeatedly, and threatening to endanger the child through kidnapping him.
A little later on she met a nice Hispanic man who’s hard-working, religious, and just an all-around quality individual. They began dating, decided to get married, and her new husband opted to legally adopt her son. And that should’ve been the end of it…but it wasn’t.
The biological father/degenerate found himself locked up on various drug charges as well as domestic violence charges against other women he’d dated since and was shipped off to a penitentiary on the east coast for a number of years. And then, sadly enough, he was paroled earlier this year.
Let me back up again for a minute to one night back when the baby was toddler age and my girlfriend finally had a night out with her brother and friends, something so incredibly rare since her mother was typically unwilling to help in babysitting, and I happened to be in town for the night. The group of us went downtown to hang out (my girlfriend doesn’t like to drink and when she does, she rarely drinks much — she just wanted a night out like any 21-year-old desires from time to time), and we went in one bar and there was Mr. Degenerate with his crowd, and immediately he began yelling at her, guilting her for being out, implying she was a bad mother for doing so, making a fuss. And I got right up in the bastard’s face and presented myself as the barrier between them. She withdrew and said nothing, I barked at the motherfucker, hoping her brother had my back (all I can say is *shrugs* to that), and eventually he settled down and we left. But it very noticeably shook her up. She’d had other occasions where she’d run into his mother or his sister or his cousins at stores and they’d give her grief, so this was an ongoing thing. (Part of the problem with living all your life in a city small enough where so many people know you and commonly run into you out in public.) I only met him in-person twice, that being the second time.
Well, for a long time there he was behind bars and not posing a threat, and she and her husband had another child and were creating a loving home. A good life that I’m proud of her for establishing. She’s been a stay-at-home mom with the second kid (had to work some and attended a community college while raising the first one). She’s a devoted, concerned mother who places her kids and her marriage above all else. She adopted her husband’s religious denomination (Catholic, much to my chagrin, truth be told) and has aspired to do the right thing ever since. She’s a quality human being with a big heart and a strong desire to provide her kids with a good home life where there’s no hitting and she and her husband resolve their conflicts in as healthy of ways as one can hope. I am proud of her.
Then this scumbag motherfucker is released and moves back to town (because where else would he go when his family is right there to mooch off of, he not being one interested in doing much beyond dealing drugs). She found out and got a little nervous, but a few months passed without incident. Then his female relatives ran into her mother at a mutual friend’s party a few weeks back and began digging for details that her mother refused to provide, my girlfriend being interested in doing what she can to live under the radar in terms of most people knowing where she lives or engaging in social media and whatnot. She’d rather maintain tranquility than invite drama at this stage in the game.
Then we learn that the bastard set up a facebook account using their son’s name (because as a felon on parole he is not allowed to create a facebook account of his own, so I am told). What’s the purpose in that? Just trying to get her attention, that’s all. Is it another weird, veiled threat? Who knows? But he’s on there interacting with his friends and family under her son’s legal name, which is to say, her husband’s last name. Freaked her out some to hear of it, as to be expected.
I heard about this last bit for the first time today. Told her I had no problem reporting his ass to his parole officer, just hand me a phone number. But she’s nervous about poking that bear and is more concerned about leaving him alone so long as he doesn’t attempt direct contact with either her or her son or anyone else in her family. She’s extremely protective of her kids, especially against that joker’s family, since her son has only known her husband as his father and does not know about all of this and is a bit too young to deserve to learn it. It’s actually rather sad that that motherfucker can’t comprehend that their son is better off where he’s at. He has a good dad now who loves him very much and treats him completely as his own. His adopted dad works hard for that family and has integrity unlike that piece of shit who cares only about himself and his next high and some bitch he can screw, mooch off of and hit. Tears me up that this sorry son of a bitch was released from prison, though I don’t doubt he’ll do something stupid to send himself back there in due time, considering his track record so far.
Told my girlfriend today, knowing she’s anti-gun, that she really ought to consider at least getting a taser for her home and car, and she surprised me in saying she’s agreed to get a gun. She and her husband finally decided it’s the best strategy at this point, because that degenerate is insane and has nothing left to lose. He ain’t about shit and just enjoys fucking with people, especially her since she moved on and turned out to be doing well. I personally recommended a .38 pistol like mine that has a laser grip, loaded with a combination of rounds including shotshells (the brand I have is CCI 38 SPL/357 Magnum pest control rounds) so that accuracy doesn’t have to be her primary concern in the moment. Though I totally encourage becoming familiar with your firearm by practicing at a range and learning safety procedures, which she agrees with and is planning to sign up for shortly.
Imagine that: a criminal piece of shit turned yet another family from being anti-gun into being pro-gun. Makes me wish I had a weekend off (and a permit in her state) so that we could go shooting together. I never thought the day would arrive and am saddened that it had to come due to the presence of his sorry ass.
Hell, that reminds me that I seriously ought to get my butt into a shooting range sometime soon too. I’ve been shooting in the past, just not this particular gun yet. Wish we had gravel pits around here to do so instead of having to pay hefty fees to go to indoor shooting ranges — a frickin’ racket. But maybe one afternoon I’ll drive out to a cornfield somewhere and set up targets. That might be good. Just gotta remember to use ear protection since that’s what did a number on my hearing back when I was a teen and in my early-to-mid 20s, out shooting with my Papa (been tested since as having high-frequency hearing loss which does impact my life a bit). This new gun has been calling on me to give it a whirl for a few months now.
Anyway, I feel for my girlfriend and her family. What do you do when you, as a young person, date someone who turns out to become a psycho? Maybe he’s just hunting for trifling attention. Maybe. Seems like a stupid move, though, considering it violates his parole conditions. Maybe he’s just seeking to drum up sympathy among his own people. Maybe, but doesn’t he have other kids from other women to focus on? Or did they all get taken away from him legally too because he’s an abusive, drug-addled moron? We’re talking crack here people, not marijuana, and god knows what else he’s gotten into since.
The fact that she’s willing to compromise her non-violent beliefs in order to protect her family says a lot to me, and it tells me how scared she really is about him being around in such close proximity these days. There wouldn’t have been a problem if he could just go on with his life. But then the fucking state determined upon his release that he owed back-child support for the year or two before his parental rights were revoked, so they’ve made him pay around $26/month since his release. My girlfriend doesn’t want the money and just wants him to leave them alone, but the state requires it for some reason.
You bet your bottom dollar that man is in my sights now and will remain so until he gets himself shipped back to prison for beating on people or for another drug charge. Pisses me off to no extent that he’s back out again. She made a serious mistake in ever dating him, though she loves her son who came out of that union and accepts that it is what it is. But her son has no business around a thug like that. That man’s own daddy was in and out prisons all his life, his mother and stepfather were sent to prison for embezzling in their business just a few years ago, and he himself is poised to repeat this cycle indefinitely because he ain’t about shit. Doesn’t want to improve himself or his circumstances, just wants to tear others down. That’s a bad man right there.
This all got me thinking about those stats MRAs like to mention about how kids who are kidnapped very often are taken by a family member, particularly their fathers. Do people ever stop to consider that some of those biological fathers had their parental rights revoked, and for good reason? Do they understand that just because you offer up DNA to produce a new human being doesn’t automatically make you fit to be in their lives? Do they grasp that some of these kidnappers are in fact not trying to protect the children in question one iota but instead are aiming to take vengeance against their ex because she had the audacity to leave them despite their mistreatment and blatant idiocy?? Food for thought.
Keep in mind that all situations shake out as they will, and none are identical. I hate gendered politics that attempt to lump all cases into one basket as if they are all one and the same when they ARE NOT. Some men are violent offenders and deserve to not be around their children, period. Same goes for some women. I understand this, hence why I am unable to throw my support behind people who attempt to paint everything as if it’s a man vs. woman issue categorically, leaving out all the nuances and thereby effectively white-washing individual cases. That’s my opinion there, carve it in stone.
Update July 30, 2014: His facebook page is no longer up. Heard through the grapevine that it’s gone, so that’s good news. I’d be thrilled if he just moved on with his life and let it all lie.
Update Aug. 26th, 2014: Ha! I got pretty fired up over that one. Luckily there’s been no more news, and no news means good news here.