Everybody’s a “gun in the room” and cops don’t necessarily give a damn if you’re a woman

Still in a blogging mood tonight. Got lots of thoughts to lay out where I can see them and better chew on them.

This “gun in the room” idea made popular by John Hembling (JohntheOther of A Voice For Men) is actually pretty stupid when one stops to consider that technically we’re all guns in the room. All human beings are potentially dangerous. Any one of us, whether male or female, could present legal trouble for someone else. Any one of us could claim false allegations against another party. Any of us could act violently and even end a person’s life. ANY. ONE. OF. US.

So tired of hearing it repeated over and over and over again how women are in this special position to be a particular danger to men because of the power of the State supposedly siding with womankind. In some ways, if you’re the right color or have enough money, that may be true. But that goes the other away and applies to men as well. It’s always assumed that the woman in question will be of relative equal social standing to the man she may accuse or cause problems for, but what about when she’s not? Do people assume the random complaints from a ghetto-dwelling black woman against a prominent white man with extensive social connections will automatically result in the woman being catered to and the man being deemed awful? Yeah right.  lol  Not likely. Go ahead and reverse the races and it’s still likely to come down to socioeconomic status in terms of who comes out being believed or at least has the resources to protect himself. Now, reverse the sexes in this scenario and I don’t doubt the woman’s claims will be taken seriously, but that has as much to do (if not more) with her social status as it does her sex.

I can already hear people objecting with mentions of the Duke LaCrosse case. Yeah, and there her story was scrutinized, at least by law enforcement officials. And once it came out that the woman was lying (thanks to the other woman present being honest), no one had any sympathy for her, and rightly so. Then she went off and committed some other crime and got herself imprisoned.

Reminds me of some stupid story from long ago, when I was 16 and living in my first apartment, and there was a young couple who lived right across the way. The young man (older than me at the time, but still young) was an obvious drug user and his girlfriend seemed decent and often was gone out working, she being the main provider for their household. No kids involved, thank god, because the dude would get all crazy sometimes and I could hear them fight (or, more accurately, I could hear him scream at her). Well, one day I had a big and tall buddy of mine over and that dude got to being a jerk to his girlfriend, and I think their door was open, otherwise I’m not sure why we wound up inside their place. But the dude literally had a knife and was all geeked out on some drug, acting like a maniac. My buddy was a strong man and he just knocked the guys feet out from under him. The dude seriously wasn’t in his right mind. But on that occasion I had to call the police since he was a total mess and my buddy was holding him down, basically sitting on him, and he still wouldn’t calm down. And I remember the dude saying to me something along the lines of: “Who do you think the police are going to believe? A white man or you?”  LOL  Dumb. Not sure what happened to him, but I don’t recall seeing him around after that. Guess we’ll have to chalk that one up to my female privilege saving the day. Or me appearing “white enough” to satisfy the police.  lol

Rarely am I called out about my racial makeup, but when I am, it’s always by idiots. But that’s another topic for another time.

My run-ins with the police aren’t numerous, but I recall back in 2004 when I lived in a rough neighborhood in a big city when some thugs decided to break into my truck, shattering the window and removing a good chunk of my dash so as to steal my CD player. Well, I called the police, and no one gave a fuck and kept directing me to some automated system to leave a message. My insurance company sent someone out, but no cop came around (despite them driving up and down our street all day, every day). When I first witnessed the condition of my truck, a whole gaggle of black males were standing a few feet from it, waiting to see the expression on my face, I imagine. And once they saw it, they scattered. But neighbors told me of a boy I’d never heard of before they assumed to be responsible. Think the cops looked into that lead? Nope. Didn’t give a fuck.

Same as with that story about an ex-boyfriend stealing my shit in broad daylight in front of a bunch of witnesses. Did the cops care? Nope. Wouldn’t even write down his address (his parents’ address technically, the same as listed on his driver’s license). Didn’t care. Actually got haughty with me instead, and when I finally broke down crying out of frustration, the bitchy female cop retorted in such a snobby voice: “Ma’am, why are you crying?” Really? Sadistic bitch can’t figure out why I feel helpless when even the cops won’t lift a finger to track down the man who stole my shit—all of which I paid for my damn self?? And then gonna sit there and tell me I have to let him back in my home if he returns, and that if she’s called out again, it’s I who will have to vacate my own premises because I’ve let him stay with me for a few months (despite him signing no lease). Totally wack. Pissed me off. Still pisses me off.

And then there was that time when “CeCe the Pregnant Hoodrat” (discussed elsewhere on this blog) got robbed and assaulted by her boyfriend and I called the police and once they finally showed up they didn’t give a fuck about that either. That shitty neighborhood wasn’t even worth living in. Frickin’ cops treated us all like criminals and disregarded anything we said to them automatically. It was maddening, but I’m at least grateful for the experience since it informed me how big of a difference it can make depending on where you live and how the cops come to view the people there categorically. Very educational. I recommend everyone move to a rough neighborhood for at least one year and interact regularly with a wide variety of the locals.

Also makes me think of that story of a man I used to consider my buddy who was once upon a time a cop out in Indiana who eventually admitted to me how he’d assaulted a black woman he’d picked up on a drug charge, just because he could. Superiority complex combined with racism — he actually admitted that to me. Hence why he quit the force after that, worrying he’d go too far one day and wind up in big trouble. But still, he fucked that woman up for no good reason, and he knew it and stated as much to me. That story has also been detailed somewhere on this blog before too. But ya know, because a person possesses a vagina, they’re automatically afforded special privileges by police, right?  Takes a seriously naive individual to believe that to be the case across the board. Just as it does to assume the reverse is true of males across the board. Just doesn’t shake out that way.

Don’t even get me started about the cop who “helped” me out in my hometown back when I was teenager (detailed elsewhere on this blog).

I don’t even hate cops. Don’t despise them. Don’t necessarily fear them. Good to have them on your side when you really need them. Met some bad ones, met some good ones, though my exposure to them is relatively limited compared to plenty of other people I know. My companion is wary of them due to past involvements where he’s been roughed up for having a (drunken) smart mouth. Most of his interaction with them involved him being charged with public intoxication, and on one occasion a cop slammed his head and gave him a gash that called for stitches. That was many years ago, but he still avoids police like the plague if he can help it.

He had his house robbed one afternoon before I met him, and he did call the police and they came over to dust for fingerprints. His neighbors noticed a van parked nearby and I believe recorded information about it and its driver, but did the cops care about that? No. My companion lives in a decent working-class neighborhood, certainly not a ghetto, but the police still wouldn’t follow up on the neighbor’s info on the robber’s vehicle. How much you want to bet if he’d lived in suburbia that they would have?

Anyway, people prey on people. And cops can prey on people, of either sex. Ask around about how some sex workers have been treated by cops — hearing some of their stories made me very leery about calling the police for any reason while I was still working in that capacity. They’re not always your friends, especially if you don’t have much money or social/political clout. I’ve been screamed at a number of times by cops, usually for stupid reasons that I didn’t see coming. Like one time when I was living in that “quasi-ghetto” (so many stories from there, lol) when they decided to do some drug raid on my neighbors across the way and planted one of their team members (full gear, SWAT?) in my front yard, totally unbeknownst to me. Had no clue what was going on outside, just tried to walk out my front door and was barraged with barking orders to get back inside. That was an odd day. They certainly didn’t come around afterward to explain anything to anybody, just wouldn’t allow us to leave our homes while they were there. From what I heard, their raid proved unsuccessful.

Another time I was standing on my sidewalk (same location), drinking a beer, chatting with neighbors, and a cop drove by and immediately began barking at us ferociously to get behind the fence. Damn-near made me spill my beer he surprised me so bad. They don’t treat people in suburbs like that, I know that for a fact. One foot on public property doesn’t call for screaming at a person who’s otherwise done nothing wrong and is halfway in their own yard. But that’s how cops treat some people at least in some places.

And I also recall the night I was pulled over leaving a gay bar, driving a butch lesbian I’d just met to her home, this being in the city I reside in currently. That cop was determined to get me on a DUI, but I couldn’t blow the limit, despite him subjecting me to breathalyzer twice and having me do field sobriety tests. I mean, the man pulled me over in less than a block of that bar downtown, on deserted streets on a Tuesday night. He was obviously staking out the place. And when he couldn’t pin me with a DUI, after being a jerk and barking at me and my passenger for no real good reason, he gave me a $90 ticket for turning right at a red light for not coming to a “1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi”-length stop (his words). I’d had a perfect driving record for a few years prior to that and have never been pulled over in this town since despite driving quite a lot in the course of my job. His aggressiveness toward my female passenger gave me the impression that he didn’t care too much for lesbians and also that he assumed me to be one. I do personally consider that incident a reflection of his own bias, and I should’ve contested it in court, but I had to work that day and so just paid the damn fine.

That’s the thing. Cops tend to be much more concerned with collecting fines than just about anything else. Important to keep that in mind regardless of what sex you belong to. I’m just happy to not have to call them for much of anything, the last time being to report a car accident that occurred ahead of me. Other than that sort of thing, I’d rather handle my business myself and among my people, because it’s less of a headache.

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8 Responses to Everybody’s a “gun in the room” and cops don’t necessarily give a damn if you’re a woman

  1. John Doe says:

    what do you see when you look into a mirror? do you really think you see your face as it is seen by another pair of eyes?

    pro tip: if “the eyes are the gateway to one’s soul” … why can’t we see our own souls when we look into a mirror?

    • Byenia says:

      Of course not. We each individually see what we see, and no two see exactly alike. Not just talking eyesight here — perceptions.

      Feedback from others tells us of their perceptions, filtered through the ways in which one comprehends the information, colored by biases to a greater or lesser degree. *shrugs* Life as human beings…

      What are we driving at here?

      • John Doe says:

        (imho,) basically, we’re always using (some kind of) common denominators to determine “the truth”. alas it’s always sujective, no matter how hard one tries to be objective. you’ve looked at your past experiences (while seemingly ignoring any changes that might have occured in time), then you’ve taken a critical look at yourself (and others) in the present and concluded that “the gun in the room” is a stupid idea.

        but while it’s true that anybody is a ponential gun in a room, it’s the bullets and the skills of the shooter that matter in the end. if the skills are identical, then the number and type of the bullets don’t matter (one is enough to kill) … but if the skills are not identical, then the number and type of bullets does matter. now, replace “skills” with “likelihood to resort to any type of violence” and “bullets” with “means to harm another person” … and the “gun in the room” idea doesn’t seem that stupid anymore (one cannot know the shooting skills of the other until there’s a shooting match).

        maybe women were always aware of “the male gun in the room” (plain physical strenght) … but imho beeing aware of “the female gun in the room” is a “new” and important idea for every man. therefore, maybe, just for men, it’s not a stupid idea after all …

        • Byenia says:

          Seemingly ignoring changes that may have occurred in my own life? No, I acknowledge them. Haven’t talked about my whole life story on here, just pointing to memories that come back around when I read and hear what people are saying out and about. That’s not overlooking changes…won’t claim to fully understand what you’re saying there.

          I’ve concluded that the “gun in the room” argument is ridiculous not merely because of my own experiences but because ALL OF US, any one of us, whether male or female, present potential danger to others. No human is above this who’s conscious and possesses agency. Whether people misuse the power of the State or take matters into their own hands, the potential for grievous physical, psychological and/or legal harm abounds in any social situation. Women can and do make up false allegations on other women. Men can and do enact harm on other men’s persons or property. And vice versa.

          Some folks you can trust. Some you can’t. People tend to have to figure it out the hard way. Doesn’t come down to mere sex/gender though.

          • John Doe says:

            hm, it seems my english isn’t good enough: i meant changes that occured overall, not only in relation to you … we all have changed, society has changed, the world has changed … and thus the risc factor of trusting somebody has changed. to put it jokingly: from a hare’s perspective it is (relatively) easy to trust a bunny, but very risky to trust a lioness. :-))

            • Byenia says:

              The world has changed, that’s true. But there are still people we can rely on. And even so, that’s not determined primarily by what sex they belong to.

              • John Doe says:

                i guess it’s time to let a woman tell it with her own words:

                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP6Ob-MKjBQ

                anyway, there’s something for the (well hidden) optimist in you too:

                • Byenia says:

                  Hmmm……lol It’s funny how nowadays I’m coming to resemble those older than me who used to bitch about how new music all sounded alike. Back in the ’90s I thought they were being absurd, but now here I am, feeling much the same way in the 2010s. ha So rarely do I keep up on the new stuff being churned out anymore. Perhaps sad, but true.

                  Must be my “optimism” acting up again. Or a pesky generational gap. 😉 Us damn Gen-Xers. I must be getting old already.

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