Stuck in an introspective focus these days. Apparently necessary. Gotta get to the other side of this phase, and that may take time.
Brings to mind good memories too, though I’m more likely to keep those to myself. It’s like I can handle criticism about me, but not against some of my cherished memories. That’s for discussing with close friends.
But good things have happened, and don’t want to give the impression that everyday is gloomy. Grandma called to say thank you for the plant I sent that arrived earlier today. Glad she liked it. Then she told me how my uncle took her out to a nice restaurant where she really liked the food, and he said he’d take her out to places to try new things on holidays going forward. That was really sweet of him. Because that really means a lot to Grandma, especially considering she doesn’t drive (and in a town with no cabs or buses, mind you). He drove nearly an hour away to take her to lunch somewhere new, and that always pleases her (though she doesn’t like to show it super-openly — she gets really humble in new places). She just gets so excited telling me about it, just as she had talking about that buffet her kids took her to around Christmas. Said it was a better night than if they had just bought presents. She really doesn’t get out much, not since Papa and her older sister died. I drive her around a lot when I go down, but lately driving’s been getting on my nerves so much that the last trip really stressed me out (14 hour trip each way, then driving an hour each way once down there to get to big cities from our hometown) so I wasn’t planning on going back again until this fall.
Always made me sad living so far away from my grandparents. Good-byes between us have always been tough. Long drive away. But we always talked on the phone regularly and kept as close as we can.
I love my Grandma. Think I love her more than anyone else on earth. She has so much love to give and has had the hugest impact on my life. None of us is perfect, but she’s been a really good grandma, the best I could’ve asked for. Her children may have their own opinions; all I know is by the time I came around to meet her (in her 40s), she proved to be a very positive influence overall (particularly when compared against the other adults in my life while growing up). Some say she and Papa spoiled me, and they did so far as they were able, but it’s been our connection that really meant the most.
Makes me happy to hear she’s having a nice Mother’s Day weekend.
Love that song by Robert Blair and the Fantastic Violionaires titled “Thank God For Mama.” Always reminds how grateful I am for my Grandma. She’s been a good surrogate mama to me. Everybody could benefit from someone who really loves them and appreciates their potential, and it’s a damn travesty if a person is denied that. I couldn’t imagine how life might’ve gone without having had her and Papa’s emotional support.