Was supposed to be doing something with this blog, but decided fuck it. Why? Who gives a shit anyway? We all know the world out there is nuts, and that our societies are nuts, as are our governments and big businesses and our major institutions. We ourselves are screwed up too. No getting around that. And the more I think about what pisses me off about greater society, the more powerless I feel to change it through the legal political channels, creating a situation where I’ve grown so frustrated that I’m getting numb inside. The shit affects me — can’t not affect me no matter what I try to do. But the more I look at it, the more it seems I must focus my energy on changing me, my perception, my approach, because what else do I really have control over? Can talk to others, but that doesn’t mean you’ll shift their views on any given matter. Can wear yourself out protesting and voting, but you mostly then just clash with cops and other citizens, not really making a dent in what those in power are doing.
I’ve been taking all of this into consideration more and more, especially over the last couple of years. Truth be told, I’ve burnt out on keeping up with the news and proposed legislation. Can’t do much at all about it through the so-called proper channels.
What I do know is I’ve come out as a pretty fucking unhappy person who’s tired and not sure where to go from here. Apparently existential panic hits us in our 30s these days. Can’t stand the game or how it’s rigged or why it’s even in place. Not my cup of tea. But people are gonna do what people are gonna do. They consider this “progress.”
So rather than continue railing against people, I’m just gonna have to turn inward for at least a while and navel-gaze. Feels necessary. Opposing grows old. They’ve had me positioned on the defense as far back as I cared or knew anything about politics. So what now? What are we fighting here? Who are we fighting, in actuality? Seems mostly we’re tangling with one another, which means we’re feuding with others who don’t possess much more power than we individually do, and what’s the point in that? Whether they favor or oppose something, do you really think it matters much at this stage in the game? Most folks are going to go along with these schemes eventually. Might take a bit more coercion, but most I do believe will fall in line or at least tolerate the bridle affixed to them. Because people are survivors — they want to live and remain free to do so outside of imprisonment (or at least the most confining form available). It’s a reasonable concern that I share. But it really makes a person pause to question what meaning there can be in a life coercively directed in this sort of manner? That’s my question at present.