Yesterday I wrote an angry post on here venting off some steam. And today I deleted it because it hit a little below the belt at my companion. He’s a decent person, though of course he has his own problems too. Sometimes when I’m pissed all I see is red, and sometimes I wind up being unfair, that being one of those times.
Feels good to let out the steam, but then it feels bad once I’ve calmed down and recognize myself as overreacting. In an attempt to remain vague about the details I realize it winds up painting a nastier picture than was intended. And now that I’m back to calm I don’t feel much desire to go into any of it again. We fight and bicker more than we should, but we come back around and share a meal and cozy up in front of the television and find reasons to laugh with one another, as we did last night and today. We just fight like cats and squirrels too often these days, and it’s wearing on us both, hence why we’re trying to take more time apart. But we live in the same neighborhood and talk on the phone daily, so clashes keep happening, especially when I make the mistake of hanging out at a local watering hole where drama always awaits me. Luckily I rarely go in there anymore, but yesterday I did, and gossips like to talk and then things got blown out of proportion when I vented on here afterward. It happens.
But that’s what this space is for, for me to work out thoughts and ideas. Some deserve to be deleted because they were for my own benefit. My goal isn’t to paint him or anyone else I care about in a bad light. We all have our troubles and our problems and make stupid decisions that come back to bite us. And sometimes they make me feel so angry and frustrated to the point where I just want to throw in the towel and say to hell with this city and all of its inhabitants. But then tomorrow is another day, and storms blow over. Gloominess doesn’t last forever. Just had a bunch of heaviness over here in recent months and sometimes it gets to me, and that’s why I have this space to vent and ponder.
Welcome to the space of an at-times aggressive, emotional, disgruntled individual finding her way in this world. Such is life.