Tried creating another post about an hour ago, but it proved too personal to let fly this late at night. Will have to wait ’til some other day when I feel like assessing my thoughts there more carefully.
But then I stumbled across this video later on:
And it reminded me of someone completely different that I don’t mind blasting publicly right at this moment. The youth director in the video up above is what made me think of him. The man I knew was a priest, and I was a young adult when I first met him. He was about 10 years older and told me he had had a successful profession prior to choosing to switch gears and become a priest. He was not a child-molester, to the best of my knowledge, but rather was another form of piece of shit.
Just got me thinking about a number of things there. Like how you can know someone for years and find out you don’t actually know them at all.
I’m no Catholic so priests hold no special significance for me other than being Christians who agree to serve in a life celibacy (despite many failing at that, as the news reminds us frequently enough). For the record, I never intended to get tangled up with a priest and wouldn’t have done so had I known the facts, which he directly lied about for several years. Not going to go into how I knew that joker or the full extent of our relationship, but let me tell you one thing: That man rocked whatever little faith I might’ve had left in priests categorically.
And now I consider him dead to me, as of January 2009. Absolutely no attempts at contact running in either direction. The dioceses shrink wound up involved. Ugh. Was so much bullshit that I resent ever being involved in.
Did he harm me? Only emotionally, and there he did a good bit of damage with his lies, especially after I directly inquired into his employment situation. We’re not talking about keeping it a secret that he was a priest for a few weeks, no, we’re talking YEARS. Lived in another part of the state. Seemed like a nice enough guy, a friend, to where I didn’t assume him to be hiding anything.
Turned into a headache and a bit of a heartache for me. I lost who I had thought of as a friend. Lost a confidante. Realized I’d been had. Tricked into accepting someone I’d otherwise avoided, and he expressly knew that. I’m not in the business of fucking priests and preachers — that was never my bag. But then it wound up coming out in the wash that way. Weird and disturbing, to say the least.
In the end he confessed it all and explained a great deal. Plenty of his words continue to flow through my mind, particularly the part where he stated he knew while in Seminary that he had no intention of honoring his priestly vows. Other words I remember relate with some other (married) lady in his congregation that he’d taken a shining to right before we split off. Shared that he counsels married couples and admitted that he’s deeply attached to the “adoration of his congregation” as the reason he wouldn’t give it up despite not being able to live up to the priesthood’s standards. Also reflect on him telling me once that I am “lovable,” very convincingly, seeming earnest and sincere. Only to be using me, lying and pretending, weaving tales of a life he was not even truly living and leaving out all the real details.
Life is crazy, life is mad. On this matter I am admittedly scorned. Never to be forgotten, that’s for certain.