Because love matters most

That’s an awesome performance of a timeless song. Loved that song for as far back as I can remember. Always felt meaningful and drew out my sympathy. It’s a song that’s always relevant in one way or another. These days I listen to it and cringe a little, wishing to not harm my lover like the woman he sang about.

Another song known to evoke similar feelings is this:

I do believe it helps to meditate on songs like this from time to time, either to preemptively check oneself or while reflecting on sins one has already committed.

(Sidenote: And, as always, though the disclaimer shouldn’t be necessary, when I use the word “sin” it isn’t intended to be taken in some strictly biblical manner. Sin remains a relevant concept regardless of what any religion specifically had to say on the matter.)

It’s no secret that I’ve sinned. Would go so far as to label myself a sinner. Not a perfect person by any stretch and never will be, because that’s just not realistic. Working on it, forever working on it. What am I talking about? That’s for me and mine to know about. Just sayin’ I do get it, and I am trying to become better than previous points in time have proven me to be. Fallibility and episodes of reckless judgment come with being human, whether you’re a woman or a man. No human is an island, and none of us came to where we stand today on our own, for better or worse, though ultimately the power to transform is said to reside within our own individual selves. But old habits and ways of coping die hard. Not offering that last bit as an excuse so much as a humbling realization.

One thing about this life—and this is where terms like “equality” break down for me—is that we don’t all come from the same places or come up with similar influences. We are not equal in this way and cannot be. This causes us to be incapable of walking in another person’s shoes, because we will never see what they saw, how they saw and experienced it, even if our situations sound comparable. Because it’s not just about the environment itself; this involves a dynamic play occurring between the individual and his or her personality coming into contact with environmental conditions and influences, including other persons. If I am not you and we cannot help but be unique due to the dynamic interplay between who each of us is at the core and what we’ve been exposed to over time and how this has vitally shaped us, we will necessarily struggle in coming to know one another. Hence the maxim that you never really know someone, not completely, through and through. Given enough time, we’ll all surprise one another.

Some are better at keeping secrets. Some are more effective liars. Some are compulsive and reckless, maybe because they don’t believe they care about living, maybe because they’re hurt inside and have formed unhealthy habits for coping. I assume those better at keeping secrets and lying may be less prone to feeling their conscience clamping down on them and demanding change. And maybe those who prefer solitude over close ties and regular companionship aren’t as worried with concerns over being alienated and deserted by loved ones. But it worries me. As one admittedly difficult woman out here in society.

Popularity never meant much to me, and it still doesn’t. But my loved ones do. They are my world and without them I wouldn’t know who I am any longer. That’s just how life feels for me. So there’s a push inside for me to continue working on changing some of my problematic ways, the ones that have or may hurt those I care most about.

And that’s as much as I care to say on that topic tonight.

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