“Feeding The Trolls 92: Roosh V” (plus my response)

Cute Fuzzy Weasel is a dork, but I happen to like dorks. Prefer guys like him heads and shoulders above any and all pick-up artists, that’s for sure. Having watched several of his videos over the last year or two, Weasel’s humor is playful and cheeky, not mean-spirited or below the belt. And unlike Roosh, he doesn’t harbor deep, unabating resentment toward women for adapting to modern life.  (How dare we! WHORES!! lol)  Thankfully, there remains a broad, diverse, and infinitely more alluring world outside of that strange little online circle-jerk known as the “manosphere.”

Still spitting in manospherians‘ direction since they never cease clamoring on about the unique evils of us womenfolk. As if members of one sex are automatically more prone to being more cruel than the other. But biases abound and some people do everything within their power to shut out any information that doesn’t confirm what they wish to believe were true, especially when they’re bound up with like-minded others in affiliation under a banner for some political/social cause. If that’s not in itself viewed as yet another manifestation of so-called “social justice” warring, then apparently the definition is being skewed in order to accommodate select groups who refuse to take a long, hard look in the mirror. Said that before and will keep saying it.

Spoken as a true American woman. Flip-flop-wearin’, comfy cozy loungin’, late-night pizza-munchin’ and all.   american_smilie

Now it’s time to get back to work.

The game is all there is (Alan Watts)

In this talk Alan Watts mentions the four ways to one’s center: rebellion and its opposite repentance and reincarnation and its opposite resignation. Here he only focuses on repentance and resignation since they are the most commonly known prescriptions from Christianity and Buddhism respectively.  I’d be very interested in hearing the rest on the topics of rebellion and reincarnation (the latter he states he doesn’t mean in the classical sense yet didn’t fully elaborate on).

“You See Me Laughin’: the last of the hill country bluesmen (Mississippi Blues documentary – 2002)”

Huge fan of the music of R.L. Burnside in particular, though I also fairly regularly listen to some songs acquired by T-Model Ford, Junior Kimbrough, Cedric Burnside and Lightnin’ Malcolm and Asie Payton. Interesting to learn more about their backgrounds as well as to find out about a few singers I’d never heard of before (like Cedell Davis and Johnny Farmer). Plus to learn how their music became popularized outside of the Deep South.

An insightful film.

Hello Fall (late-September journaling)

Very little rest for the wicked…

Been enjoying staying out and about lately. Not playing the scene in any major way, just mingling and meeting new folks. Not really seeking much of anything right about now other than interaction and entertainment.

Will say that the one guy I attempted to date this summer wound up being a pain in the ass. Really and truly. A bad drunk who gets an attitude problem on the drop of a dime. People, especially online, like to say that we womenfolk should give men in precarious situations a chance, should be open-minded to the possibility that maybe they’ve been falsely accused by a female which is why they’ve wound up in the legal and financial predicaments they face, that maybe they’re decent men underneath it all deserving of a fair shake. Okay, well, I’m the type to give people a couple of chances to see what they’re made of, and this last attempt unfortunately demonstrated that some guys bring hellfire onto themselves. His financial problems appear largely to be a consequence of his drinking problem. Let his life fall down. Bankrupt his business, let his house be foreclosed on (which makes little sense for a place he’s lived in for 20 years that only has a $700-something/mo. mortgage payment, not much more than I’ve been paying in rent all these years — in other words, not some ballooning mortgage trap), let his child support payments fall behind on the one daughter he has. And the domestic violence charge, accompanied by an OWI, that he managed to attract last year turns out to be the result of his own drunken stupidity and negligence. He’s a grown man in his 50s so this isn’t some naive young man I’m speaking about here. Well, with all of that on his current resume you’d think maybe he’d be grateful that a woman would be willing to take a chance on his ass. Wrong. Arrogant and rude for no good reason is what he is. About a month into knowing him I finally had had enough. Can’t even be friends with a son of a bitch like that. Mean-spirited jerk is what he proved to be. Kind of embarrassed that I ever gave him the time of day to begin with. On top of that, he’s a bartender. I rarely ever date bartenders, and for good reason.

Story should’ve ended over a week back when I walked out and told him to cease contact going forward. But a week on he texts me saying he’s looking into renting an apartment in my complex. Yikes. And this is yet another reason for why I rarely let men know where I live. Don’t like being harassed in my own abode. All I need is his drunken asshole antics waiting for me in the parking lot at 2am when I’m trying to make my way back home. Told him I was uncomfortable having him live here. Not like we live in a small town — there are plenty of other rentals in the area. And he responded with denigration and spite throughout the evening, playing on my phone, trying to get a rise out of me. Told him to go away and leave me be. Kept texting mean-spirited shit to where I finally did give him a piece of my mind. First time for me to really tell him off thus far. Was working on keeping my temper in check, but no, he couldn’t let a sleeping dog lie. So, anyway, I’ll do what I have to do to protect the sanctity of my home life. If he wants a battle, he can have one. I’m not one to back down easily. His last girlfriend reportedly has no self-esteem; well, I’m not her and I don’t take this type of crap. He may be used to being a bully but it won’t fly with me. I didn’t do anything to deserve his ill will and am surprised he feels so justified in flipping me all this shit. Like I am just supposed to take it. Why? Because he needs someone to look down on and take it out on. Not my problem. He can kick rocks. And that’s where it all left off. Hopefully he has just enough sense to recognize that I won’t play with his sorry ass and that he’s cruising for greater issues if he keeps trying to engage with me at this point.

Unfortunate that it had to come to that. Was no reason for it. Should’ve gotten along just fine. But he’s a shitty drunk with a chip on his shoulder. It surprised me to find it out, but it is what it is apparently. Gave him a couple chances and wound up regretting it both times. So, I’m done. No benefit in putting up with that from a relative stranger. The man has nothing to bring to the table, yet he seems to think the world owes him everything. I won’t pretend to understand. Not even interested in analyzing it any further. Just stating this here so as to vent it out. That being my first real attempt to get back into the dating scene. uh_oh

So, anyway, that aside…beyond dealing with that tool, life’s not so bad. Not much else to complain about these days. Been listening to good music and hanging out with my peeps, meeting new folks and chillin’ into the late-night hours. Working during the day, escaping during the night. Not interested in getting tangled up in any new seriously committed relationship anytime soon. My former companion and I still have our bs moments, but overall we’ve been getting along better throughout this summer. Trying to take life easy right about now, going with the flow so much as I’m able. Steering clear of the partisan political bullshit since that’s a monumental waste of time. Staying out of gender-related battles as well since I’m sufficiently sick of the he said/she said drama. Humans are all capable of being assholes so far as I can see, myself included.

What else? Gearing up for a busier work weekend. Planning to share pizza with my former this evening. Watching the wheels go ’round and ’round. Ain’t about much these days, and that’s fine. People like to guilt you for not taking on their pet project or standing up for this or that cause, but ah well. Since when did they care about what I care about? Everybody seems to think we need to change the world, whereas I’m doing my best now to try to flow with it, to stop resisting so much and to learn to adapt so far as I’m willing and able. Sure, there’s a ton of bullshit to contend with in today’s world, which likely has always been the case. But what people reasonably expect us all to do is beyond me. Seems mostly folks just want to flap their gums over this or that matter, pretending to be doing something rather than living a life of action. Berating people to vote for this or that candidate, as if that’s going to change the system one iota by this point. Best way to change the world is to change thyself. Rather than worrying with what everybody else is doing. It’s too easy to stand in judgment of everybody else — no real challenge in doing that. Just a cheap way to appear like you’re passionate and driven without putting any real skin in the game. I tire of that.

That’s my update for today. Time for work.

Living and learning in 2016…

Upset a friend last night. Unintentional and inadvertent, but it happened. Wasn’t my goal, but still. I don’t regret my decision to pull away and change course. Not the same person I used to be and no longer wish to be that person. Sure, it would’ve been nice if I definitively understood that a bit further in advance to last evening, but sometimes we have to be put in a pressure spot to truly and deeply comprehend where we’ve come to stand. I changed over time and will never be her again, not like that. Can’t. Don’t wish to be. Some things money can’t buy and can actually devalue.

Seasons change and so do I, we need not wonder why…

So, I feel badly that my friend was upset by this turn of events, but alas —  such is life, harsh as that may sound. Never claimed to be a sweetheart nor the most accommodating woman around. I do care, but I also care about myself and my own progress as well. Wish I hadn’t been so allured by the offer presented, but old habits die hard. Glad that I called it off though while there was still time to do so, admittedly wishing I had seen more clearly sooner.

I don’t doubt he’ll read this, so partly this is being posted for his benefit. But I am also attempting to assert my own self here. Definitively. Irrevocably.

The heart wants what it wants. I can’t and won’t apologize for that. So I’m going to concern myself with continuing to follow it since returning to the past and the old ways is guaranteed to be regressive. That was a long time ago and I like living today in the knowledge of how far behind me all that was. So let’s just leave it there and move on. Otherwise we’ll wind up parting ways because I just can’t stomach that reality anymore, as he knows and as I’ve stated many times prior. What was true is still true, come to find out once again.

That’s all I have to say on the matter.

Mid-September journaling

Currently in the process of getting ready for a date. We’re headed out to a nice dinner and then a movie and whatever else that follows. Showered, shaved, plucked, dressed, and now have my hair up in hot rollers, letting them set. Debating whether I have time to swing over to the salon to get a pedicure and manicure as well. Overdue on that right about now.

Should be a decent night out on the town with a friend I already know well and get along with. Nice transition from what else I’ve been up to lately, arguing with some other dude not worth my time and energy since he’s intent on behaving like an asshole for no clear reason and without provocation. Done with that one. He can kick rocks. Beyond that, just out meeting new friends and acquaintances while enjoying life single once again. Still getting along with my former companion, which is always a blessing.

The latest audiobook I’ve been listening to while out working and driving is The Big Picture: On the Origins of Life, Meaning, and the Universe Itself by theoretical physicist Sean Carroll. Very interesting thus far, about eight chapters into it.

Following are songs that have been on the mind a great deal lately.

“Eminence Front” by The Who:

“Limo Wreck” by Soundgarden:

“You’re All I Need” by Method Man ft. Mary J. Blige:

Still needing to pay my taxes which were put on extension back in the spring. Gotta get on that soon. Probably finally going to be fined this year for holding out on accepting Obamacare, or so they keep threatening.

What else? Generally trying to remain out of major trouble, aiming to keep the drama at reasonable levels, and building my money reserves back up a bit. Not up to too much lately beyond working and mingling. The summer’s fast winding down and cooler weather is already arriving up this way. Not wishing to rush into winter though, but the climate here is notoriously chaotic and unpredictable.

Time to take out the rollers and finish getting ready.