Well, I’m officially back in the dating scene again. Been out and about for a few weeks now, first very slowly and hesitantly and now just going for it. Might as well. He’s not coming back — is happy with that woman, and so be it. Gotta wish him well since he and I went through hell and high water, so it is good that he’s found someone he’s more compatible with. So now it’s my turn to hit the scene to see what’s out there.
Was invited to a live blues band performance on Sunday, which was very nice. That man and I intend to go see another band this Friday in a nearby city. Seems like a decent man, appears to have his shit together, works in the software industry. Definitely likes me. And I was pretty darn upfront with him too. Politically we’re in sync. So, we’ll see where that goes over time.
Met another man off the same dating site a few weeks back, but that one I’m just interested in being friends with. Very nice person, just not attracted to him, but his personality was awesome. He and I met for dinner during our second outing, and he’d like to go out again sometime soon.
And then I met a wildcard. A gorgeous man with captivating blue eyes. That one I feel the most chemistry with, and he gave me a lift home last night. About to walk back for my car this morning once I get some coffee in my system. That one is also a lover of blues music, and my god, he is sexy as hell. And smart (an architect, no less). Ambitious in an entrepreneurial sense. Lost a game of blackjack to him last night, so now I owe him dinner. We’ll wait and see what comes of that.
I’ll admit that I’m a bit nervous about this dating situation. Feels like new terrain all over again. Been many years since I seriously went into the dating scene. Still speaking to Former and hearing how his life is going, but I take it better these days than before. Hurt like hell for a while there, despite knowing it was inevitable. Now the idea is growing on me. He picked what appears to be a good woman, so I can’t fault him for that. And he and I have been on the outs for years now. It had to come down to this eventually. Not even sure what I’d do with him if he did come back to me. We’re such different people who need different things in this life. But we’ve grown so much alongside one another — that bond doesn’t go away. He encourages me to get out here to date and mingle, and so I am. Queer as it all can’t help but feel.
Trying to catch my stride in all of this and seeming to get the hang of it. Am back to drinking though, right or wrong, and aiming to not let it overtake my life again. Keeping it more within reason, more moderate, never alone, generally avoiding hard liquor. Been hitting the gym at least 5 days a week since getting back into it after the winter months. Lost a bit of weight but have a bit more to go before I’m content. Was super busy with work this past month and finally have a break as of Sunday night. Gotta make money while the getting is good. Probably was a gift from the gods to keep me busy during otherwise tumultuous times. Kept my schedule structured, made me behave.
Now that I’m off my leash once again, I’ve arranged a couple meetings with new people this week, beginning tonight with a man from a dating site. Just going to meet for a drink or two to get acquainted. A fellow transplant. Tomorrow meeting with someone I’ve already met a couple times before — friend material only but a cool guy. Avid gun enthusiast with land outside of the city limits. He’s healing up from a major work injury, so we’ll hang out over a couple drinks to chat. Thursday night meeting with another man, that one a corporate accountant by trade. Just meeting people and seeing what’s what. Last Saturday I hung out with a guy from the bar, but he’s not my type either. Might be fine to mingle with when we run into one another while out and about, but we were very mismatched. Then Friday night off to see another live band.
And so it goes. Out and about. Learning to live again in a new way. Gotta bring what confidence I have to the forefront and relate where possible. So far, so good. Won’t pretend to entirely know what I’m doing here, just aiming to keep it real and to apply what I’ve learned over time in regards to my selection process and how I choose to present myself initially. Not getting any younger over here, and yet, this really isn’t a bad age to be back out in the scene. Most men in their 40s who have kids are raising teenagers, so gone are the days of dodging men with young kids at home. We’re all a bit more mature these days, past our fitful and lust-filled 20s. And many of them have their professions sorted out and are in more comfortable positions by midlife. I remain the wildcard that I am, and that likely will never change, but I was never aiming for a conventional lifestyle or work situation.
Mmmm….those blue eyes though. Tantalizing. That’s the kind of man I generally shy away from since I have to assume someone that attractive is going to be trouble. But he actually seems really down to earth, from a farming community, interested in small town development. And for whatever reason seems interested in me. Crazy as that is. That wildcard right there is the most intriguing currently. The feeling that churns up inside me gives me hope that this whole dating process isn’t a lost cause, that it might actually prove fruitful and interesting.
So I’ll keep taking care of myself, putting my best foot forward, and seeing where this takes me.